Found out I have half brother my mum stopped my dad from seeing

[MayaYanney]

Hey guys

a few months ago I learned from a relative that I have a half brother one year older than me.

my father fathered a child in Russia when working there.

the story is allegedly my mother learned about him when she was about to give birth to me.

Allegedly the woman kept quiet she was pregnant and till the kid was one and then decided to tell my dad when my mum was about to give birth to me.

my father kept in contact by phone and visited him till I was 3/4. Think this Lady didnt know about me/my mum, not sure.

then one day she calls mother told her over the phone when she called “it was your choice to give birth. You were 38, last chance to have a kid. You wanted the kid for yourself so now raise him yourself” and hanged up.

some time later this woman called my mother had her friend say wrong phone number, this phone was sold.

my father never spoke to him after that. I guess he thought she disappeared again and wanted nothing to do with him? Idk? I am not sure if he continued paying child support.

now obviously you can’t stop a father who wants to see his kid but my father is a very weird man. He also has a relationship with my other much older half sister from previous marriage because her mother kept in contact. I really believe if my mother didn’t do this he would still be in contact with this boy.

now my mother says

it’s not her fault she found while married and pregnant he has a kid and she was very sick of this woman being annoying and calling non stop, very often, for hours when they were busy chatting about their son. Says “I was just sick of her calling constantly! We couldn’t get anything done! Maybe if she didn’t call everyday and wasn’t so annoying!!!”

I don’t know how to feel about all this. I am disturbed my mother did this. Am I right to think this was very cruel? And look at her differently now? My sister says I’m over reacting.

So your father couldn’t keep it in his pants or consider contraception, your mother stayed married to him after finding out about the affair presumably for your sake, and all you can do is be nasty about her? Why couldn’t your father pick up the phone and ring the mother of his own child?! Why are you blaming your poor mother for your father’s persistent monumental cock ups? I think she deserves a medal for putting up with someone like that tbh. Waiting for the dripfeed that he’s allergic to phones or something 🙄

Not angry at your dad about any of this then?

Where did I say I am not???

Any reason why you’ve decided to focus your anger and blame on your mother? Sounds like you’re a bit of a misogynist.

Your father was a cheater, and then abandoned his kid. That was him. Not your mum.

Blame your dad not your mother

Your whole OP is about your mother. This was all your dad and his behaviour. He could have picked up the phone to his child, no?

Place the blame where it belongs.

Your mum was trying to pretend the kid didn’t exist. I can’t blame her. That’s some shit behaviour from your dad

Ah here, your Dad has kids allover the place. Minimum 3 with 3 different women and apparently it's your Mums fault he was a shit Dad to your half-brother?

🙄

Op not sure aibu is the best place for this kind of sensitive issue. I’d ask for it to be moved to another topic. This must be a bit of a headfuck for you.

“now obviously you can’t stop a father who wants to see his kid but“

There is no ‘but’. Your father was a grown man with agency, and clearly not so controlled by his wife that he wouldn’t cheat on her.

Your mother was betrayed by your father, and found at an extremely vulnerable time in her own life. She was not required to take on any sort of responsibility to ensure your father kept in contact with his girlfriend and their child. The only person that owed them anything was your father.

All these comments saying I don’t blame my dad

i am estranged from him and haven’t spoken to him in decades.

my father being a POS doesn’t change fact my mother did this.

In the words of the great philosopher of our time Jeremy Kyle . Your father should have ‘put something at the end of it ‘
Why should your mother get the blame .?If your father wanted to keep in touch presumably he would have done so .

MY FATHER BEING A POS DOESNT CHANGE FACT WHAT MY MOTHER DID WAS IMMORAL

Your mother didn't do anything wrong though...

Your mother did nothing wrong.

Focus on your POS dad then

I haven’t spoken to him in decades.

i am very close to my mother

No, it wasn’t. Your half brother was never her moral responsibility.

Why was this woman calling your mother?

Did your dad not have a phone of his own? Did your dad not know how to call his child himself?

Your mum didn’t want to deal with your dad’s mistress. Place the blame where it belongs.

You’re mad at the wrong person.

Your dad at any point could have picked up a phone and called his own son. Yet he didn’t.

Your mother madly ranted to this woman who I’m going to assume was your dad’s affair partner. That’s all. I assume she also ranted at your dad purely on the basis of being a cheating arse.

Your dad and this Woman are the parents and it was on them to parent. Even if you mum gave your dad an ultimatum your dad ultimately still picked.

YABU to be angry with your mum.

‘I really believe if my mother didn’t do this he would still be in contact with this boy’. That seems illogical and unfair. Your father could have done what he liked.

MY FATHER DIDNT CHEAT ON MY MUM. HE MET MY MUM AFTER THIS WOMAN.

ALSO SHE DELETED HER PHONE NUMBER AND WHEN MY DAD TRIED TRAVELLING TO RUSSIA THE WOMAN NO LONGER LIVED THERE

i feel like there is a lot of deflection on here.

what my father did doesn’t change fact my mother did this.

i know what my dad did is disgusting and I haven’t spoken to him in years.

however I am close to my mother and I never expected this from her

You guys are saying it is not her fault, well it’s not the innocent child’s fault either

It's not your mums fault. It's not the child's fault. It is 100% your Fathers fault.

There is nobody else to blame.

Making excuses won't make a difference. Your father is to blame.

Op having been in the position of being pregnant and cheated on, it's really not a great place to be. Your mum obviously enabled this for 3/4 years and it then became too much.

I honestly don't think you have a clear enough picture of what actually happened to suggest your mum did anything wrong. If she was indeed being tortured by your dad's mistress multiple times a day then that's harassment. And it could have been left to your dad to make the contact while leaving her out of it. That must have been extremely painful for her every time the phone rang.

I'm not saying she handled it correctly, but it does sound like there's more to this than your mum simply shutting it down out of spite. My guess is she's held her boundary in her own home - which she has the right to do, and your dad made a choice not to make contact via other means which he absolutely could have done.