To think money is best kept private outside family?

[OpenHazelDreamer]

I was brought up not to talk about money and it’s something that’s stuck with me. I don’t even know what my siblings earn (obviously I do with my partner), and I’ve always seen finances as quite a private thing. I’m teaching my kids how to manage money but I’ve also told them not to discuss how much they have with people outside the family. My thinking is that nothing good really comes of it - people can get awkward, comparisons happen and relationships can go a bit funny.

AIBU to think it’s better to keep money private?

@OpenHazelDreamer I would say not to share financial info to anyone inside the family either - just your spouse.

Goodness why share financial info with family? Just no!

I wish I’d had the brains to know that back in my 20s.

Well of course.

People aren't daft though. They may not know exactly how much you earn but can probably tell if you're well off or not.

Broadly I think it’s good when people speak more openly about income and money, particularly women: secrecy about pay has historically led to women being underpaid for the work they do because they don’t realise colleagues are being paid more or that their peers in other organisations receive higher pay, and so haven’t been able to give constructive challenge around their pay and working conditions with their employers. It’s also important for teaching young people about money management and financial planning.

You can speak about income and how you spend your money sensitively, without bragging about it - by being open and choosing your words for your audience.

There’s also an element of (again, particularly women) speaking about household finances and choices being of wider benefit: I’ve read countless MN threads where women have little idea what their DH earns, or even the amount outstanding on their mortgage or how extra money is saved or invested - and didn’t realise until other posters explained this isn’t reasonable or normal that it wasn’t so, because they “don’t talk about private stuff like money” with family or friends.

Nobody knows my financial situation apart from me and that's the way it'll stay

I grew up in a household where money was a secret, I never knew what my parents earned and I'm mid 40s now and wouldn't even ask them, I know they wouldn't like it. I'm more open than that but would still be selective about who I discussed with. I'm always shocked at the people who have openly have told me their salary, simply because they earn a lot less than I'd assumed based on their lifestyle.
I have friends who are not from British backgrounds and they are very open about money.

In Norway all tax returns are published, helps reduce inequality. A major factor in women still being underpaid is secrecy about rates of pay. Ignorance about incomes leads to poor career and financial planning generally.

If you are in a public sector role salaries are published or rather bands are, no point being secretive

Agree with this! I think secrecy only serves to hurt people's financial understanding.

My dad was always open about what he got paid or what things cost. He was an accountant and taught me about financial planning. As a result i have always been financially independant and have taught my kids to do the same. People come to me for mortgage, investing or pensions advice.

IMHO these are the rules:
Tell your partner everything
Don't tell any other family anything, including parents and offspring
Discretely discuss at work with selected male and female colleagues, mostly to fight the inequality so many women still suffer without even knowing

Not with anyone, including family. They can be the worst.

I look like a normal person. I work a normal job. Would it help anyone if I told them I have no mortgage and 100k in investments? No it bloody would not.

But seriously, each and every one of you should learn about money. Every single woman should strive to be financially independent. New Rebel Finance School on YouTube from June. Crack on.

You have not been divorced have you? Please don't tell them everything. You need your own emergency fund. Believe me, they have theirs.

I completely agree that parents should talk openly with their children about what things cost, how to save, what APR is, how credit cards work, how pensions work, etc. etc.
But you can do it without saying what your salaries are. Not least because you don't want them blabbing to all their school friends.

Don't be afraid to tell them if family money is tight, don't think twice about saying "no we can't afford it". It is a big mistake to try and shield children from knowing when you can't afford things.

It's such a British thing to say that talking about money is vulgar. It's only a way of keeping people in their place. If you don't talk about money you don't discover that the man beside you is earning twice as much for the same job as you. Or that you're underplayed in general for your sector. It's far better for everyone if money is kept out in the open.

The only people who have ever known what my salary was are my father when I first started work so he could demand 50% for my keep… 🙄 And my husband.

I was in the Civil Service and nobody apart from my husband and colleagues knew what grade I was so wouldn’t have been able to guess at my salary. I really don’t know why any family (apart from husband), friends, or acquaintances would need to know anything about my financial affairs.

Given how many threads we've had recently where posters have known exactly how much money their parents have and have spent time calculating how much their parents need - accusing their retired parents of spending needlessly on holidays and eating out, when they should be paying for their adult children's bills - I think it's a good idea not to share information about your finances with your kids - many seem to have a greedy eye on their parent's money and when they don't get it as quickly as they'd like there's all sort of threats being made about how they won't be spending any time with their parents if their parents aren't going to finance their lives.

I don’t know about vulgar but our IT suppliers had it written into their contracts that they were not to discuss their salaries. US company, and yes, I do know one person who was dismissed for discussing their salary.

I’m not bothered about discussing money if it comes up in conversation and within reason of course. I have no need to be secretive and I only spend time with people I like and trust.

Salary and wealth aren't the same. I know my colleague's salary - I have no idea how much she has saved, the value of her pension or her house.

Private outside the family - yes. But not with our children.

We talk a lot about money, pensions, mortgages etc and I answer any questions within reason.

I want them to grow up financially literate, understanding about saving/investing and able to build wealth for themselves.

I think colleagues and friends should talk about salaries.

Companies rely on employees being reticent to discuss things so that people aren’t paid what they should.

I uses to benchmark myself against colleagues every couple of years. In my early career I had my salary increased by £20k by showing that I was doing as much work as my colleagues on a higher salary.

I don't really understand the secrecy about money. Dm is very tight lipped about her financial situation which is fine by me but she always likes to tell me what a bargain their latest cruise, all inclusive holiday was and how expensive their travel insurance is but never mentions figures. A lot of people get a power of attorney set up when they are older but I doubt dm would go for one - I am the only surviving dc and dm and df are in their middle 80s.