AIBU to keep my charity shop shift on a friend's birthday?

[bagpuss90]

It’s my friends birthday this Friday - now I volunteer in a charity shop on Fridays. A cpl of weeks ago I asked her if she wanted to do something that day because if I had enough notice I could swap my day. She said no - she was going to go out with her DP. All good til this week - he has let her down and she’s asked me to go for lunch with her. If I don’t go to work at the shop that day they literally won’t be able to open as there won’t be enough stafff. I’ve offered to go out on Friday evening with her but she seems to think as it’s a voluntary role then I can just bail out at any time . I feel really bad - but if every volunteer let people down it would be chaos . Who is being unreasonable ?

She is rude, entitled and disrespectful of you and your commitments.

I wouldn't want to spend time with such a person.

I wouldn't dream of letting a commitment like this down.

Of course she is! You are at work that day it just happens to be voluntary. People rely on you.
She is very unreasonable but considering it’s her birthday and her DP let her down she is probably too emotional so deliver your response gently.

She's rude. You offered to swap to do something with her, she declined and now she's only getting in touch because her original plans fell through. You ANBU to honour the commitment you made to the shop.

She is being very unreasonable and a really crappy friend.

Nope you asked her weeks ago when you could change things she can’t just expect you to drop everything now her husband has bailed and you’re her second choice! Stick to your guns!

YANBU. You have made a commitment to the charity shop - you must honour it. You gave your friend the chance to do something and she said "no". So that's it, and she needs to have a bit of common sense.
(Plus, she's a grown up..... why is she making such a fuss about her birthday?).

Tell her that she'll need to go to her 3rd best option because her 2nd best option has a life outside of her.

If she gets annoyed over you not meeting for lunch I would be re-evaluating my friendship I think. She’s made it clear that you were her back up plan but now expects you to let other people down in order to pander to her. Not great behaviour at all.

She’s in the wrong here. But offer to go out for drinks after work instead?

@bagpuss90 your friend is rude and self entitled.

Tell her she is welcome to bring a sandwich into the charity shop and eat it and chat to you, but you cannot let the charity down.

I’ve offered a cpl of options now . Lunch on Thursday , out on Friday evening , drinks after my shift. I can do no more

I reckon she wants to go out for the day to "show him" that his let down didn't matter and she got a better offer anyway.

Not that I think you should cancel your shift at all - she needs to find a way to amuse herself for a few hours for the "show him" part of the day and then you can meet up in the evening, as per your very fair suggestion. Which would then make her day "win" in their unspoken battle.

94 votes so far with 100% YANBU. 100%s are rare indeed.

Say you could go out together on Saturday for the day. Birthdays can be celebrated on more than one day.

You are at work Friday nothing else to discuss.

YANBU - she made her choice.

111 & still 100%

she turned your offer of going out for lunch down because she preferred to go out for dinner with her husband. (She could have done both & eaten lightly at both),

now he has let her down she wants to do something with you (bloody cheek) but won't accept doing something when
yoh are available & expects you to cancel to accommodate her.

She is rude & ridiculous. Full of herself. Unless she's a really good friend who isn't usually a monumental twat, I'd suddenly be very busy permanently!!

She's only wanting you along because she had plans with her partner that haven't worked out.

You're her backup but she didn't give you enough notice to change your work day. You made a commitment to be there and that comes ahead of being her birthday backup plan.

She needs to grow up and get over herself. By the way she isn't a friend, real friends wouldn't treat you like that.

I’ve just left it with her . There’s an atmosphere tho

She sounds quite entitled and rude. You've said your employer will not allow it as it will mean the shop will not open. Offering a meal that night or over the next few days should be enough.

All these full grown adults that have meltdowns over their birthday plans.
I just don’t really understand. They are not 6 years old!
OP stay firm with your commitment to opening the shop!

She's created the atmosphere singlehandedly. You did nothing wrong and have been more than generous with your time - don't feel the need to scramble to fix her bad mood.

Op your a good friend and a loyal volunteer your friend doesn’t sound very charitable don’t back down your her back up plan it’s not your fault her dp let her down. You have given her alternatives she’s very entitled to expect you to change your plans last minute for her. Sorry but I would not offer another solution she’s a big girl she needs to get over herself.

She said no originally, she had plans. Now suddenly she doesn't and you're her fall back? No way. Go do your shift! How bloody rude of her! I'd be cooling off that friendship, that kind of thing doesn't sit well with me.

Your work is no less important just because it’s unpaid. You’re right to stand by the commitment to the shop. Your friend didn’t prioritise you in the first place so I wouldn't feel bad about it. She’s just mardy because it’s her birthday. She’ll get over it.