Dh getting up and walking off mid conversation

[Pizzaandpasta101]

I want to know if this is really rude or if I’m just being precious.

Dh has a habit of getting up and just walking off in the middle of a conversation.

So for example earlier today (but this happens on a regular basis), we were speaking about something that had happened with one of our dc at the weekend. It was only a short conversation for like 5 minutes, not like we’d been going on for hours. The conversation hadn’t reached a natural end and I was in the middle of saying something and dh just got up and walked off to do something else.

He does this all the time. It’s not even like he says “hold that thought I’m just going to do xxx”. He literally just walks off.

To be honest I didn’t marry him for his riveting conversation. He’s definitely a man of few words and he’s like that with everyone. He’s just not a talker. He takes several minutes to even respond half the time and he says he’s ‘thinking’.

But aibu to think it’s just plain rude?

this issue aside - what’s the marriage like?

Have you ever used words to tell him you find this behaviour rude?

Yes of course, but he just doesn’t see that he’s doing anything wrong.

Despite knowing you don’t like it and finds it rude?
not the brightest spark is he?

is he generally a rude and inconsiderate twat?

Wonder how he'd like it if someone did that to him? It's rude and ignorant, YANBU at all.

Of course it's rude and he clearly doesn't care what you think. The things women put up with from men I see on here never cease to amaze me.

It’s fine on the whole.

To be completely honest, after having put up with angry shouty men all my life (my father being one), I really appreciated dhs quiet nature.

He’s not a talker and he’s very unemotional but he’s also very quiet and calm and very much a doer. He likes to busy himself with various little jobs. Which is great.

But I just wish he’d politely interrupt rather than just walking off. I have told him it annoys me but he just sees it that he’s got to go and do whatever it always he wanted to do.

Wow. Very, very rude. What would happen if you did the same to him?

Sometimes me and DP will be talking whilst I'm making dinner, for example. If I have to go and get something from the pantry that takes me out of sight, but I can still hear I will say, "I'm just going to get X but I'm still listening!" and we carry on. If either us has to leave a room for a minute or two, we always let the other know.

He either doesn't give a monkeys what you're saying or is very, very socially inept. Does he work? In what job?

He does work yes and quite a high paying job but he works mainly on his own which suits him.

And yes exactly what you have said, if you’re going to leave you either say “hang on a minute”, or you say you’re still listening.

That’s normal.

It's potentially a stress response if he doesn't like conversation.

Or he's very distracted.

Or he's rude.

It isn't ok to do it to you, you may need outside help to ever get to the bottom of it though, if he won't think about it seriously on his own.

@Pizzaandpasta101 what would he do if you got up & left while he was mid-sentence?

Is he actually listening and responding whilst he is there? I wonder if he is listening at all tbh.

It is the fact that his wife has repeatedly told him that she finds something rude and inconsiderate and he just ploughs on regardless indicates he doesn’t actually care what you think of him OR he is a bit thick.

And I am guessing he only does this with you?

It’s beyond rude and It’s bordering on stone walling you. Does he do it if you have a disagreement?

Does he still listen while he goes off? Does he come back to you? Or is that conversation done for him?

What would happen if you followed him and kept talking?

Be honest OP, do you talk a lot?

It's a bit dehumanising, isn't it? Like he's listening to a tv show, not a person. It doesn't matter if he just walks off in the middle of your sentence because whatever you were saying wasn't important, nor are you important as a person. Just talk to the air, it will care about you as much as he does.

I think the realistic outcome of this is that it would make you feel like what you have to say isn't welcome or wanted, like your personality is a bother to him.

Or lacks theory of mind, which is a bit concerning.

To answer a few questions.

Yes he does do it if we have a disagreement, not that we argue particularly, but he is completely conflict adverse.

He does listen but sometimes he’s not listening though I think we can all be guilty of that at times.

Do I talk a lot? Depends on who you’re asking. Compared to dh, yes, but compared to most people I know I’m very quiet.

Hmm I'd be tempted to wait until he starts to tell you something and then walk off when he's mid sentence. You've told him it's rude and annoying, maybe it's time to show him?

The problem is you have explicitly told him repeatedly that you find it rude and he ignores you. He clearly doesn’t give a fig what you think of him.

Rude.

My DH fell asleep the other day whilst i was talking to him. I was showing him a new move from my exercise class … ok not the most riveting convo but I looked up and his eyes were closed 🤣

How do his parents or other family members communicate with one another?

Omg they are all so weird.

His dad loves the sound of his own voice and his mum is like dh, barely speaks.