Do you like being a parent?-honestly?

[Honeyandmarmitesandwichesfortea]

Start by saying, I love my Dd more than anything or anyone in the world. I waited years to have her and threw myself into being a mummy, I still do.
The early years were hard at points, but looking back were the best years of my life.
Recently, i’m finding it all too much and don’t enjoy being a parent at all. I find it stressful probably 80% of the time now. I miss my old life and the life Dh and I had, I know that sounds truly awful. I wouldn’t change things, because I wouldn’t be without Dd, but I don’t enjoy it anymore.
Was there an age/point where it becomes more enjoyable for anyone?
Dd is 7

I am mum to two lads 18 and 20. The teenage year's were hard with both of them. They were struggling a lot with school and personal stuff but didn't want/know how to talk to me about things. Now they are older we have a easier relationship. They are more open to talk with. Hang in there, it will get better x
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I love it but it’s definitely not easy. I’ve been a parent since I was 17 so never really knew what I could be missing out on. I guess I’ll find out soon as the youngest is flying the nest this year!

Overall, yes. Doesn’t mean I enjoy every minute, but in general I enjoy the kids and I would make the same choices again. I don’t miss my old life because 13 years into parenthood I’ve forgotten what it looked like and I don’t see much point thinking about what could have been.

As for age - I didn’t enjoy the toddler stage, but I loved everything from about age 3 upwards. The one thing I’ve learnt is that everything is a phase with kids - if it seems hard now it’ll probably change soon. If it seems easy the other shoe will drop tomorrow! Everything seems like it’ll be forever, but it passes.

My dd is an adult now, but I've always loved being her mum at every stage.

I do think it's easier only having one, and perhaps a lot depends on the temperament of the child as well.

I’m a bit of the opposite OP. Mine is 7 as well. I found the first 4-5 yrs a slog and very unpleasant; I missed my pre kid days every single day, the restrictiveness was unbearable. The last 2 yrs have gotten much better and we are very close to living our lives again with more freedom, the only difference being a small person joining us.

It gets better again about age 24. That’s not meant flippantly - that’s my experience.

How do you have more freedom though and what are you close to doing? I need something to focus on 😂

Oh god, so as an adult basically! Which years were the hardest for you

What is it that you're finding stressful? Is your DD having behaviour issues or is it lack of time to yourself, or something else?

On the whole yes I love it, don’t get me wrong, there are hard days and days where I’m tired and just don’t want the responsibility.

The teenage years were the wprst.

Is there anything in particular that you’re finding hard op? Anything you want advice with or to have a rant about?

A lot more long distance travel without kid only entertainment- my DC is able to contribute to the itinerary and now I can reason - we do things that you enjoy and sometimes you’ll have to sit through things that are boring for you that we want to do and not complain (surprisingly, he’s ended up enjoying most of said things!).
it used to be very hard for us to leave for date nights and we’d frequently get a call he was very upset so we cut it short. Now it’s not an issue.
it feels like he’s a full and cooperative member of the family now if that makes sense🤣

To add, I found it much easier once I could

Sleep through the night
Not have to change nappies
Nor have to go loaded with nappies wipes and spare clothes everyone I wanted to nip out
Not have to worry that my child is going to leg it if I didn’t hold their hand

Yes I don’t miss all that, but now there are different worries, a fully formed personality that answers back 😂

Love it
best part of life for both me & H
two boys 17/15
they are close and adore each other which must help

they are most of the time a joy to have and always have been

yes some stressful times but most things that are worthwhile are hard

but we don’t hanker after our pre-kids life
and we are looking towards them going to uni

I think you just have to lean into where you are right now - at 7 you can start watching less baby movies - read better bedtime stories they can get dressed for school put shoes on help with house jobs get themselves a drink etc

you see them learn how to swim and ride a bike and find out what hobbies they actually enjoy

they start learning stuff in school we didn’t do teach you things

they can carry a little ruck sack on days out and don’t whinge at waiting

but still have a favourite teddy and get excited by a Friday ice cream from the ice cream van

they start eating more interesting food like curry and you can leave them whilst you do some jobs

Yep a mini little defiant you!

you can still win the debate though

Yeah I do enjoy it but I’ve been a parent since I was nineteen. If i was to have another baby/toddler now though my answer would be different.

I wonder @Honeyandmarmitesandwichesfortea if you're somewhat of a perfectionist and possibly hypervigilant?

Be a "good enough" Mum, try not to sweat the small stuff, arrange more time with your husband if you can and enjoy your daughter.

We only have them for such a short time and off they fly 🌸

eta; remember also, you are still you, long before you were a Mum.

I wasn't a big fan of the early years - although I thought dc was brilliant, that kind of lifestyle wasn't for me (up at 6 every day, spending time at soft play, watching terrible kid friendly films, never getting to finish a conversation without getting interrupted, hanging out with people I had little in common with because they happened to have kids in the same year group). From about age 9 or so it's much more like hanging out with another person than 'parenting'. We enjoy lots of the same things, can do more grown up activities together, have interesting chats. Because parenting is so much physically less demanding, it's also easier to be 'solo parent' so me and dh can spend a bit more time doing our own thing. If you loved the early years, I wonder if you are mourning that stage a bit. Mine is a teen now and I do miss some of the things we used to do he's now grown out of. I seem to remember at 7 they do go through a bit of a defiant stage - there is apparently a hormone surge around this time - so hang on in there it will get better!

Not really at the moment. I love my daughter but she has struggled since going to secondary school and was diagnosed with ASD a few years ago. Over the last 6 months her mental health has declined considerably and she is now struggling to even leave her bed. We are working with GP and a psychiatrist who specialises in this sort of thing. We are trialling a cocktail of meds and things started to look up over Easter and I felt hope but this week she has crashed again. My life is now tiny. Can't leave her for more than a few hours but she can't leave the house either. We've cancelled holidays this year at the last minute as she couldn't go and have other big life events planned over the next few months that may just end up cancelled. She is utterly miserable and that is making the whole house miserable. I don't know how to fix this and the emotional rollercoaster is exhausting. I had hoped that by the time my daughter was 15 going on 16 that she'd be a bit more independant and I'd be able to go out for dinner or maybe away for the odd night without worrying about her but this feels more restrictive than having a toddler - at least you can fling them in a buggy and have a day out. She is struggling to sleep so I get woken up a few times per night most nights.

I don’t always enjoy it but then I didn’t always enjoy not being a parent either if that makes sense. It’s got a lot easier as they’ve got older and also I think I’ve adapted: at first I really mourned my old life but as the years have gone by I’ve become accustomed to having small people around!

I do love it but had my dd at 18 then she had a baby when I still had an 14 year old at home. She was a single parent so I felt like I was doing it all again to some extent.

They're all adults my kids and I still find it exhausting even though they're all good as gold. I thought they'd get to adulthood and my work was done but there's still a lot.

I adore the bones of them all and wouldn't have it any other way.
I think there's just different stages and some are more enjoyable than others but depends on you and them.
Hugs though, the hard times are HARD.

Hoping that your DD does not have some serious issues, what are you worrying about for 80%? At age 7 they are great little conversationalists, interested in the world and still gigglers. Cherish these last few years of primary as once they are a secondary it's much more about their friends and the start of independence.

I like being a mum because it's made me see many things in new ways. DS is now 21 and I found it easier with every additional birthday. He didn't rebel big style as a teenager, was too busy playing sport. He went away to university but is now back home so hopefully I did ok. I think not trying to be perfect or have the perfect home helps a lot with parenting and time for yourself. Have a high tolerance for a bit of dust and ditch ironing if you haven't already!

I absolutely love it, I feel its what I was made to do. I love each age more than the last, though at the time I think i cant possibly.

My child is only 18 months though so ask me again in a few years!!

I don't love it. I don't think I'm that well suited to parenting. My DH, on the other hand, is much better suited to it. We muddle through.

Twins, aged 8. I think the best period was age 6-7. 8 years+ have become harder again.

Yes I’m definitely a Type A mum, when in reality i’d love to be type B and chill a bit more!