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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Please help me advise my mums terrible clothing situation

69 replies

BlueBoo92 · 20/04/2026 16:13

Hi everybody, just looking for some advice!!! I’m finding hard to even start wording this anyway, how can I help my mum to look after herself now I’ve seen some posts on here similar to this but they don’t even scratch the surface. My dad use to be the same as my mom (didn’t look after his appearance but then I started buying him smart clothing and now he looks great, but my mum is even worse, I’m sorry this probably sounds horrible but it’s embarrassing to even go out with her, for example it will be summer and she will wear a winter coat, cheap summer trousers (the type you get on eBay for a couple quid), sandals or flip flops (and she has hairy toes and discoloured nails) I’d say “mum why don’t you wash your feet” oh no I will paint my nails instead. her oral hygiene is extremely bad too. This isn’t a “mutton dressed as lamb” post or anything I think people should dress how they wish, also if people can’t afford decent style clothing of course no judgement, but my parents are REALLY Wealthy. Yet my mum will buy the cheapest clothing and will wear worn out plimsoles, you would think she was really poor the way she dresses and styles herself. That been said if my mum she’s a glamorous lady who dresses smart or looks beautiful then she will bitch and talk negative about them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 20/04/2026 16:15

Gosh I'm torn here. Has she always been like this op?

Mischance · 20/04/2026 16:16

Leave her be. Let her wear what she finds comfortable.

Goinggonegone · 20/04/2026 16:16

Oral hygiene is important because it's a health issue. Her choice of clothing doesn't matter.

Comedycook · 20/04/2026 16:17

Does she scrimp and save in other areas of her life?

Lavender14 · 20/04/2026 16:19

Is your mum vulnerable op? Maybe a mild learning disability or complex trauma from childhood?

I would accept her for who she is and build her up. So look for things to compliment about her. Eg, did you get your hair done it looks really well, that's a nice perfume, or that colour top is really nice on you. Etc I think usually praise works best to encourage people especially if they're feeling low/ down on themselves the criticism is too much to hear.

Velvetandleather · 20/04/2026 16:19

Has she always been like this. The poor hygien and lack of care over her appearance and the sourness over women who do care would indicate something going on here, mental health issues.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 20/04/2026 16:20

How old is she?
At 60 I might try and tackle it at 75/80 let her crack on

FlapperFlamingo · 20/04/2026 16:34

My mum was similar. She came to live with us for a while when my Dad died and honestly she was filthy with awful habits and I couldn’t stand it. She wouldn’t change in spite of me politely asking, buying her nice things, giving ultimatums… in the end she went to a care home (for other reasons) and it was better for all of us. I don’t think you can change her.

Owly11 · 20/04/2026 16:37

The only bit I would be concerned about is the oral hygiene. How bad is it? Does she have bad breath? Missing teeth? Does she ever go the dentist? Does she clean her teeth at all?

Delphiniumandlupins · 20/04/2026 16:42

What does she do if you give her something smarter as a present? Does she wear it then?

Katflapkit · 20/04/2026 16:45

Can you buy your mum some clothes, free is even cheaper than a couple of quid on eBay.

Octavia64 · 20/04/2026 16:47

Washing your feet doesn’t fix hairy toes or discoloured nails.

oral hygiene is different.

Accipe · 20/04/2026 16:50

Mischance · 20/04/2026 16:16

Leave her be. Let her wear what she finds comfortable.

Maybe the OP's mother has opinions on the OP's clothing but were she to express those opinions the OP would be on her high horse! Why do adult children think they have the right to try to control their parent's lives, eg going through cupboards looking what's a couple of days/weeks/months/years past its sell by date?? Maybe she needs to mind her own business!

TomatoSandwiches · 20/04/2026 16:51

Was she like this when you were a child or is it a sudden change?

Velvetandleather · 20/04/2026 17:09

Surprised at some of the posts. There is much more to be concerned about here than just her teeth.

her feet are visibly dirty, she wears cheap and inappropriate worn out clothes,she bitches about women who look good.

which says she feels bad about herself and we know she’s not taking care of herself, is she depressed, is everying ok at home, is she actually wealthy or is it her husband who is wealthy , does she have access to money for herself

personal care being poor is not a sign of robust self esteem and mental health and higher brow thoughts. It’s a sign of poor mental health and something deeper at play

PoliteSquid · 20/04/2026 17:33

I have a wealthy aunt who is similar. Buys all her clothes from charity shops and doesn’t launder her clothes ever. She rinses her underwear in the bathroom sink, wears 1 pair of socks for a whole week and then they get rinsed in the sink too.

We had no idea about the lack of hygiene until she stayed for a few weeks!! I thought the laundry was just a holiday thing - she spends all her money on holidays and good for her - but no, not doing any laundry is a lifestyle choice 🤮

BlueBoo92 · 21/04/2026 00:02

Comedycook · 20/04/2026 16:15

Gosh I'm torn here. Has she always been like this op?

No she hasn’t, only started the last 6 years

OP posts:
BlueBoo92 · 21/04/2026 00:04

Comedycook · 20/04/2026 16:17

Does she scrimp and save in other areas of her life?

Yes she saves everything

OP posts:
BlueBoo92 · 21/04/2026 00:06

Lavender14 · 20/04/2026 16:19

Is your mum vulnerable op? Maybe a mild learning disability or complex trauma from childhood?

I would accept her for who she is and build her up. So look for things to compliment about her. Eg, did you get your hair done it looks really well, that's a nice perfume, or that colour top is really nice on you. Etc I think usually praise works best to encourage people especially if they're feeling low/ down on themselves the criticism is too much to hear.

No my mum is not, she’s 64, no early dementia or anything, oh of course I’m never rude to her (I wouldn’t ever do that) yes I am always positive trying to buy her things for her to wear but it just goes into a cupboard to wear “one day”, I do my best to look after both of my parents :)

OP posts:
BlueBoo92 · 21/04/2026 00:10

Velvetandleather · 20/04/2026 17:09

Surprised at some of the posts. There is much more to be concerned about here than just her teeth.

her feet are visibly dirty, she wears cheap and inappropriate worn out clothes,she bitches about women who look good.

which says she feels bad about herself and we know she’s not taking care of herself, is she depressed, is everying ok at home, is she actually wealthy or is it her husband who is wealthy , does she have access to money for herself

personal care being poor is not a sign of robust self esteem and mental health and higher brow thoughts. It’s a sign of poor mental health and something deeper at play

Exactly I always worry about “if it’s something more” but there is nothing like that as far as I know. Home life is absolutely fine and both my parents are very wealthy and both have their own bank accounts and money. Yes I agree but I have no one else to ask about this, I take care of both of my parents. I hate the thought of people thinking bad of her though by the way she dresses, there was another woman where I live who was absolutely minted, use to carry 3 thousand dollars in her pocket all the time and you would think she was homeless the way she dressed (a lot of people took the piss) and I really don’t want that for my mum.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 21/04/2026 00:11

BlueBoo92 · 20/04/2026 16:13

Hi everybody, just looking for some advice!!! I’m finding hard to even start wording this anyway, how can I help my mum to look after herself now I’ve seen some posts on here similar to this but they don’t even scratch the surface. My dad use to be the same as my mom (didn’t look after his appearance but then I started buying him smart clothing and now he looks great, but my mum is even worse, I’m sorry this probably sounds horrible but it’s embarrassing to even go out with her, for example it will be summer and she will wear a winter coat, cheap summer trousers (the type you get on eBay for a couple quid), sandals or flip flops (and she has hairy toes and discoloured nails) I’d say “mum why don’t you wash your feet” oh no I will paint my nails instead. her oral hygiene is extremely bad too. This isn’t a “mutton dressed as lamb” post or anything I think people should dress how they wish, also if people can’t afford decent style clothing of course no judgement, but my parents are REALLY Wealthy. Yet my mum will buy the cheapest clothing and will wear worn out plimsoles, you would think she was really poor the way she dresses and styles herself. That been said if my mum she’s a glamorous lady who dresses smart or looks beautiful then she will bitch and talk negative about them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think there's a great deal of information missing.

What's with your father?
Are they still married?
Has he weighed in on this?
Is this thing with your mother lifelong, or just in the last few years?
Have you tried the same thing, as with your father, of buying your mother clothing?
In fact, have you tried a mother-and-daughter shopping expedition?
Could it be some age-related mental problem?
Could it be related to some hidden financial anxiety?
Does she have friends, and if so does she see how badly dressed she is?
Have you even sat down for a serious discussion with her?

I'm sorry, but I think your post is very incomplete and poorly written.

In any case, get after her about her oral hygiene, because that can get serious.

BlueBoo92 · 21/04/2026 00:13

PoliteSquid · 20/04/2026 17:33

I have a wealthy aunt who is similar. Buys all her clothes from charity shops and doesn’t launder her clothes ever. She rinses her underwear in the bathroom sink, wears 1 pair of socks for a whole week and then they get rinsed in the sink too.

We had no idea about the lack of hygiene until she stayed for a few weeks!! I thought the laundry was just a holiday thing - she spends all her money on holidays and good for her - but no, not doing any laundry is a lifestyle choice 🤮

yes that sounds a lot like what I am experiencing, my mum doesn’t buy clothes from charity she just wears the same clothes for years and years, but the socks things :3 honestly it’s like I wrote that that’s what she does, rinses them under a sink with hand soap and hangs them up until she goes out the next day.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 21/04/2026 00:14

BlueBoo92 · 21/04/2026 00:06

No my mum is not, she’s 64, no early dementia or anything, oh of course I’m never rude to her (I wouldn’t ever do that) yes I am always positive trying to buy her things for her to wear but it just goes into a cupboard to wear “one day”, I do my best to look after both of my parents :)

Just because you were able to make your dad smarten up, doesn’t mean you will change your mum.

By telling her all the time, you are probably making her dig her heels in about it.

The oral hygiene isn’t great but I kind of get it - I haven’t been to a dentist in about 10 years (and about 15 before that).

I would feel weird trying to dictate to my parents about something like this

BlueBoo92 · 21/04/2026 00:18

MsAmerica · 21/04/2026 00:11

I think there's a great deal of information missing.

What's with your father?
Are they still married?
Has he weighed in on this?
Is this thing with your mother lifelong, or just in the last few years?
Have you tried the same thing, as with your father, of buying your mother clothing?
In fact, have you tried a mother-and-daughter shopping expedition?
Could it be some age-related mental problem?
Could it be related to some hidden financial anxiety?
Does she have friends, and if so does she see how badly dressed she is?
Have you even sat down for a serious discussion with her?

I'm sorry, but I think your post is very incomplete and poorly written.

In any case, get after her about her oral hygiene, because that can get serious.

Thank you for your message, apologies English is not my first language, my dad is fine (as in health if that’s what you mean) my mum and dad have been married for years and doesn’t mention anything, just the last 5/6 years yes I have bought my mum gift cards, clothing (you name it I buy it) I look after my parents really well and don’t want people (when seen outside) think I neglect them, but yes when I buy clothes or gift cards she will just put it away and say “I’ll wear it one day” my mum is 65, she is fully functional, no mental illness that we know of, (this is one off my concerns that’s why I made this post) yes her friends are always dressed smart but doesn’t take notice, apologies once again for my language issue I wrote the best I can.

OP posts:
BlueBoo92 · 21/04/2026 00:22

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 21/04/2026 00:14

Just because you were able to make your dad smarten up, doesn’t mean you will change your mum.

By telling her all the time, you are probably making her dig her heels in about it.

The oral hygiene isn’t great but I kind of get it - I haven’t been to a dentist in about 10 years (and about 15 before that).

I would feel weird trying to dictate to my parents about something like this

Sorry but oral hygiene is extremely important, not brushing teeth is also a suspected contributing factor to heart disease, also bad halitosis is a sign of stomach or colon cancer. And I don’t see it as dictating, I’m not a 12 year old trying to boss my parents around I’m a 42 year old concerned daughter. :)

OP posts: