To be hurt and sad

[Newstartxx]

Feeling so down relationship ended after 22 years known each other since I was 18 I am now nearly 52 .

I have been given an opportunity to rent a place for a long time, we have separated don’t love each other .

Our daughter is going to uni in September , my adult dd has decided she wants to stay in the family home with her Dad today it’s nearer to all the facilities

Inunderstand, but my heart is breaking , I have to leave no matter what, house not in my name etc .

He has more money than me financially better off , I am moving further away , I’m also leaving my adult son and his girlfriend.

They are staying with him as he has money I don’t .

I now feel so sad I’m leaving it all my relationship , my whole life , should I still get the two bed place or find something smaller .

Im devastated , thank you and on top of this I’ve been ghosted by all so called friends so now have knowone not even family I’m so scared .

Is the house solely in his name? Are you married? Have you contributed financially to the house at all?

im sorry to hear about your situation, asking for some counselling might help too if you have a local service you can self refer too…if you are unsure contact your GP and they can sign post you.

The house is not in my name, I’m moving out he has a part mortgage on the house .

I am walking away for lots of reasons , we are not married .

I’ve paid bills not the mortgage .

Have you seen a solicitor? You’ve been together a long time and raised a family there. You MAY have gained a beneficial interest by contributing to bills.

if you haven’t and didn’t have any sort of agreement it seems really unfair

First of all can I just say how sorry I am, it's absolutely horrible when you find yourself in a position like this. If you can afford a 2 bed property, then I'd go for it, as you can always take in a lodger, to make a few quid and help things along, plus, if you choose the right person they may be company for you too.

Do you have a job OP, or are you going to have to claim benefits?

I also agree that it's worth you taking some legal advice OP, as you will kick yourself, if you don't and then later find out that you were entitled to a financial payment, for all the years you've given, raising a family, etc.

Please don't be lonely, reach out on here, as there's always someone to offer help and advice, or simply to chat to, if you need it.

Sending you a big hug, to let you know that people do care, no matter how bad things feel right at this minute.

Thank you to those who replied , I work full time .

I can afford this property all is ok there I will be taken care of , it’s the fact I’m leaving to an area I’m not familiar with .

Im sad I’m going alone that’s all I’m strong .

I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

Please don’t read this as blaming you, but I’d like to make sure other women in a similar position to where you were 22 years ago are now - don’t move into a man’s house & have his children without protecting yourself either through marriage or names on the deeds. Even more important if you are giving up work to look after children.

OP - this man knew what he was doing when he never married you or put you on the deeds. He’s a grade A cunt who thinks it’s ok to leave the mother of his children with nothing. You don’t deserve this.

I would take the flat and look to see how you can enjoy your life without him.

Thank you I know , I gave everything it’s to late now I was never good enough .

Thank goodness x

Moving on , working still nearly had a nervous breakdown, taking care of everyone still providing whist be strop supporting everyone and dd through A levels , and hospital as she was really I’ll still being a mum and this .

Just because your not married doesn't mean you are entitled to nothing. You have kids, probably sacrificed yoyr career for his etc.

If you have an employee helpline at work, consult them because you need legal advice.

The best thing to do is settle into your new place and invite the kids round. Don't think you've lost them, you haven't, they're kids. They're staying put for convenience and so dad still supports them. They still love you and will visit, but make the effort with them, don't make it easy for them to forget you.

💐

Thank you for the love and support xx 😘

Just because you move and your children stay put doesn't mean they don't love you. Sounds like they are staying for practical reasons. You can still have a wonderful relationship with them.

I know they love me and that’s true , it’s the fact I’m leaving them that will be hard , thank you .

It might be worth a trip to a solicitor OP when my DP moved in with me in my house, mortgage in my name he had to sign that he would acquire no rights to the property (see a solicitor for advice the lot). (1997 England)

If you've made significant contributions...through paying bills etc..it's possible you have more rights than you believe. Good Luck 🍀♥️

That must be so hard. But your children will come and see you- probably see as much of them as if they were living with you, as my experience of adult children is that they very much have their own lives! My 3 dc are away at uni but they come home fairly regularly, and bring their partners, and its more quality time, rather than quantity iyswim, because they've chosen to come and spend time with me. When they are home for the holidays I hardly see them! They go out,green dont get up till afternoon, then watch tv, call their friends... you might find it makes your relationship better, as coming to see you will be more of an occasion. I really hope it works out for you

Morning OP! How are you feeling today, a little better I hope? I meant to have said in my first response, that it makes total sense to take the 2 bed property, as you may find that when the kids come and visit, they'll want to stay over if you have a spare bedroom, and of course this will all help to keep your relationship going. Will the move affect your job, or is it not too far away?

Hiya feeling a little better today thanks for asking tbh once I’ve moved I’m going to look at getting a new job one that involves face to face customer services so I can get more involved .

💛💛💛💛💛💛
you are so brave and I admire you deeply

I'm so pleased to hear you're feeling a little better today OP, and the idea of getting a job with more face to face contact, may be really good for you. I also agree with 'finsberry', you are brave, you're bound to have days when things seem bleak for a while, but it will gradually get better. However, please, please, seek some legal advice, see if you can find a solicitor who offers the first 30 minutes free, and then if you can, sit down, make a note of what you really NEED to know, and then when you get to your appointment you're less likely to waste time waffling, and get straight to the point so that you get the absolute most out of the appointment, but whatever you do, please don't just assume that you're not entitled to anything, as that's what he'll want you to think, and if you don't find out, you could be throwing away money which will help you get started in your new life.

Sending another hug your way, and do keep updating us as and when you feel you want to.

it must be very very hard op.

Are you moving a long way? To somewhere you know already or not?

I was thinking about you last night and thought you should try to find some social activities in the area for when you arrive, maybe an art class or a WI. Join the library as there are usually boards up in there too with things going on x

It’s not to far away it’s just different area that I don’t know, thank you I should of left ages ago but it came to a head and decided I deserved better than not be respected, unloved and left alone all the time to deal with everything including taking care of everyone except me .

Not any more , I’m proud of myself I’ve managed to go to work full time and carry on, I realised I can be strong xx

Thank you for all the support it means a lot xx 😘

I lost my place to live , parents won’t take me
back so been crying tonight it’s all rather sad don’t know what now what I would do living without my cats x

So sad to hear that, but something will come along, it always does. And it will be better x

you are going through a difficult time but thing will get better. As others have suggested please get legal advice and make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to after all you were together a very long time.

As for your living situation something will turn up maybe even better than your previous accommodation. You are a strong capable, confident woman remember that x

I'm so sorry to hear that OP. Can I ask what happened with the place you were planning to move to, or were you planning on going back to your parents and they've changed their mind about it, I'm afraid it's not very clear? Also, where are you actually living now, are you still with him at the moment?

It’s worth asking the cats protection league if they can help you. I fostered three cats for a lady whose life had gone wrong and she had them back the day she moved into a new house.There are schemes for this kind of situation so ring around and see if someone can help you.