Comments because I don’t drive

[Waolom]

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

It's nobody else's business.

(I think some drivers do get fed up with non-drivers who always ask for/expect lifts. It can also cause problems in relationships/families if one person has to do all the driving, especially if kids need lifts.)

It's a useful life skill but you can manage without it. My first nanny for my children didn't drive. She had them on and off buses. Never did them any harm. We vary rarely drive during the week only if we visit relatives or go away and then it's really useful

How does it keep coming up in conversations? I never have conversations about driving with friends. I couldn’t care less who drives and who doesn’t. Unless they ask me for lifts. I have a friend who doesn’t drive. She would also say she never asks for lifts and is always MORE than happy on public transport. Until she isn’t. Until it’s raining and we’ve agreed to meet in town and she “doesn’t want to get soaked.” Or until she’s ordered something huge that she needs to collect and she “can’t carry it on the bus.” Or she has loads of stuff she needs to take to the dump. Or she’s read about this amazing place she wants to try with me but “oh dear it looks like I can’t get there….. so….. hint hint.” Or we’re both invited to a friends wedding in the middle of no where and she can’t get there unless I take her and we wouldn’t want to upset mutual friends would we (guilt trip).

Honestly though, she’s ABSOLUTELY FINE with public transport and NEVER asks for lifts…… 😒

Not being able to drive means you have the privilege of living somewhere with excellent public transportation. In many places people don’t have the option to choose not to become drivers.

You have limited yourself to never move somewhere without such infrastructure. It also impacts your ability to travel. This is a fairly significant life choice. It’s fine, people make life choices all the time. It’s just not one most people have an easy time understanding.

Not an issue at all, unless you were expecting others to drive/pick you up/come to you as you can’t drive. And that this still applies if you meet a driving friend somewhere, and there’s genuinely zero expectation that they’ll drop you off, rather than they jump in their car and you trot off to the bus stop.

Doesn’t sound like this is you, so Yanbu.

Floke

Then FGS next time she asks say No and ignore the hints!

If she asks why tell her the truth - that you're pissed off with her boasting how independent she is for transport but how often she asks for or expects you to drive her!

Don't be such a doormat !

Speaking as an older learner, I'd recommend learning before you have a child. It's 100% scarier learning to drive knowing that once you pass you're a shiny new driver who may make mistakes with your precious child in the back.

Oh I’ve moved far away now so I don’t get asked anymore. So it’s fine!

I find it weird that someone wouldnt want to learn to drive, to me it's a life skill and rite of passage. Without it are so much more dependent on others, even if you're using public transport. You must live somewhere with amazing travel links but when you dont drive you just have to plan everything so much more and journeys take so much longer and you dont have the same freedom.

In my experience people that are getting lifts - even on a daily basis don't offer "petrol money" and they should- generously. I think drivers would be a lot happier with non drivers if they gave "petrol money" for anything beyond a rare lift.

None drivers often think drivers are "going anyway" so it doesn't cost them anything to jump but drivers pay to buy, insure and maintain the vehicle as well as put fuel in it - then none drivers who pay for nothing at all get to use this investment for door to door service at inconvenience to the driver who is paying through the nose.

So to those whose colleagues do give them a daily lift (not you OP) stick them £20 tomorrow and every week - it's a lot less than running a car. Tight lift cadgers are giving all the non drivers a bad rep.

The absolute worse are people that don't drive for "environmental reasons" but then think other people should run around picking them up.

I used to drive when I was younger. Then anxiety hit which made me dangerous to myself and others so I stopped driving. Luckily I live where public transport is excellent and dh drives...

Out of our social group there is only one woman that doesn't drive. Funnily enough cmshe works the furthest away from her home than the rest of us.
However she always gets a train or taxi. She used to have a scooter until she was knocked off it.
She never asks for a lift to our social meet ups but all of us offer to pick her up.
This is because she never mentions, not Sri ing asks or expects lifts and does loads for us as she is kind hearted.
The only other adults I know that don't drive are through disability or are disqualified at the moment.

Them not driving doesn't even occur to me!

I don't drive either @Waolom and for some reason it really bothers some people.

And no, I'm not always asking for lifts from those people (or any others).

You are fine if public transport links are good and you don't want to go somewhere remote in the evenings. I live where if I did not drive I could only go into town - anywhere else and it's either very, very difficult or it's into town and out again, so a long trip.

Today I drove out to a village with very little public transport - I didn't need to go but it was nice to go and I can because I drive.
For women in particular being able to drive and have a car is often not just a matter of convenience but of safety - which is why I deprecate efforts to stop people driving and to use public transport instead.
Sorry, bit long winded and you have made a choice. It's one I can understand but it means you are limited as to where you live and where you go. If you are fine with that then it's nobody else's business.

I do find it strange when people don’t want to drive. My car is my lifeline and I’m lost without it when it’s in the garage having MOT or work (public transport here is poor). That said, it’s none anyone’s business if you don’t want to drive, provided you don’t ask for lifts constantly.

I did try and learn in my youth but hated it. Lately I hate being a car passenger for long distances.

Now approaching 70 and live in a city with excellent public transport links. Given a choice between being a car or train passenger I'll take the train every time! More expensive of course, but I really enjoy the journey so worth it.

You’re fine now, but your life will change, and there is something to be said for acquiring this very useful skill whilst you have the time and disposable income.

You say you never ask for lifts - do you also never accept them?

I find it crazy that drivers are so lost when they are without a car. They are horrified at the very thought of having to walk anywhere, could not imagine walking to a station to catch a train to get to work and are the exact ones that are ringing round for a lift.

Why are people commenting on it if you are not putting them out by asking for lifts?

are you on time when meeting up?

I drive and love my car. I also commute via walking/train and regularly get around cities via public transport or walking. And so do most of the drivers I know.

My issue with non-drivers is they never acknowledge how they are limiting others. I have friends that can't drive so that means no country pubs, nothing beyond 10pm on a fri/sat, town centre restaurants only (so chains rather than the independents located in cheaper areas). When I'm planning any meet up, I always have to consider bus routes or be prepared to give lifts. I do it because I like my friends but it does get frustrating.

Why are you even discussing it?

I drive and love my car. I also commute via walking/train and regularly get around cities via public transport or walking. And so do most of the drivers I know.

Seriously… most drivers you know regularly walk/train? I wonder how many on this thread can say the same. I can tell you whilst I walk past the horrific, often gridlock traffic every day that you and your friends are in the minority.

I find it weird that someone wouldnt want to learn to drive, to me it's a life skill and rite of passage

I don't find it weird. Between friends who don't drive for medical reasons and others who live in London so literally can't see the point, I realise that it's a skill that can definitely be handy, but it's not for everyone. I certainly don't judge anyone for not driving.

There's far too much traffic on the road, we actually need more people not to drive.