I want to start approaching men? AIBU?

[ColdSummerHotWinter]

I’m ready to start making the first move. Whenever I see a guy I like, I was always advised to sit back and let him notice me and let him ask him out.

This has left me 28 years old and perpetually single. I’ve only ever been asked out by men I’m not the slightest bit interested in nor do I want to get to know.

I’ve decided next time I like a man. I’m going to make a direct move.How do I do this without coming across brash and masculine though?

For people that are already married - did you decide you mutually like each other from the beginning or did one person pursue the other and then the other person gradually came to like the other person too? How do most relationships begin? I feel like I’m just sitting around and hoping the guy I like likes me back too.

A mix. Play it by ear?

I did have a torrid year-long relationship with someone I kissed in a doorway in NY, once. I had no issue with making a move, it was more that I seldom met someone I felt strongly about. Some people run a mile. Pretty mutual with DH.

How do I do this without coming across brash and masculine though?

You have to not care about this. Who told you that being assertive and open is 'masculine'? It's horribly sexist.

Married a decent amount of time now. I approached DH, I had an excuse! I flirted, he kissed me so a mixture.

I'm not a shy, retiring flower though.

I have made the first move on several occasions, including with my now DH. I just texted and asked if he fancied going on a date sometime, and he replied yes, so I arranged a night out!

Nonverbal communication is a crucial part of this picture. How's your flirting?

@Legomania I have no idea. Advice?

A little arm-touching goes a long way!

I agree
Eye contact. Lots of questions.

Head slightly cocked, look at his mouth. Sit a bit too close.

I miss flirting. Maybe I'll freak DH out and do some to him.

@MrsTerryPratchett When he asks me how my day was, how should I respond.

I asked DH for his number and for our first date (although I did take a friend 🙈

In person?

@MrsTerryPratchett yes in person

I’ve made the first move in several relationships. No idea if I seemed masculine, but I never really cared about that. In general I was fairly successful.

Of course there were some people who weren’t interested in me in that way. But no one was nasty in rejecting me, perhaps because most men know what it’s like to be rejected. It was disappointing but not humiliating.

Are you talking about approaching total strangers, or making it obvious to a man you already have a conversational relationship with anyway?

You say “ much better now!” And give him a massive smile .

@XDownwiththissortofthingX a
man I already have conversational relationship anyway

Expose your wrists to them. Look at them and then away.

You can Google all this stuff and it does sound really cheesy and fake but truthfully it mirrors the way I would flirt naturally. Some people may scorn this but if the man is interested it is stunningly effective.

I always imagine you as wonderfully direct in person, @MrsTerryPratchett. I’m sure you’re a skilled flirt…

Fairly straightforward then.

"Would you like to go for a drink, or food some time soon? And yes, I mean a 'date' type thing."

If you are even more keen you can just suggest taking it directly to the next step. No man is going to be insulted, except perhaps weirdos who have a thing about open and forward women, in which case, congrats, you've just weeded an idiot out in a matter of seconds.

I think it’s much better to be straightforward like this^^. I think a lot of men dislike flirting and touching tbh and prefer a straightforward hello and a smile. I met dh through our friendship group at uni and I didn’t flirt at all. I was so shy back then I barely spoke to him for three months but we became friends first and then things developed from there. But if I was dating nowadays and liked someone, I would text them to invite them out for a quick coffee or a 30 minute walk - all very casual and straightforward - I think you know pretty quickly if there is any mutual attraction so no need for any elaborate plans or ploys.

This is perfect!

@SecondhandSalute I am direct, that's for sure!

This really did make me laugh a lot 😂!

I just looked at DH sat next to me on the sofa and imagined doing this…

He might think I was in the middle of a stroke! And before people jump in to tell me my marriage is sexless or anything else, we do still flirt when out together without kids etc. I just found it hilarious imagining it now!

1)Pretend your drunk and fall on him
2)walk past and fall in front of him.
3)ears drop what he`s saying and talk about the same crap on the phone or to a mate make sure he can hear you .
4) have one boob out slightly he may notice and tell you act embarrassed offer him a drink to say thanks .
5) walk past look back at nothing and spill drink on him offer new drink .
DONT TRY MY ADVICE😆😆but it may cheer you up.

Male perspective - ask him for a drink and make it clear its a date. This from PP is good:

'Would you like to go for a drink, or food some time soon? And yes, I mean a 'date' type thing.'

I've known one man in my life who might not like that (didn't like girls drinking pints either etc - idiot). The other hundred or so would have all been absolutely chuffed, even if they hadnt been interested back.

And even if not romantically interested, I know i would (and in fact have!) still be good friends - I think women are much better and taking it as a no and moving on as just friends. And unless he's a knob he'd move on and be friends still and not mention it again.

We can be rubbish at reading signals so unless you're super obvious (if you go the flirting route instead), he may not get it! And even if he suspects, but its in a professional/job situation, he may feel like he can't do something about it just in case he's wrong. I know that's what I'd be thinking.