Little girl left out

[crazystar]

My nearly 6yo has been left out of a couple of class birthday parties recently. She has friends in the class and is invited to other things, so it doesn’t feel like general exclusion.

on both occasions she was left out of girl only party’s with one other girl (different each time ),

She hasn’t really noticed — she innocently said they wanted to invite her but didn’t have space, and she’s very matter-of-fact about it. She also wants to invite them to her birthday, so now I’m wondering whether to invite everyone or just selected friends.

I’m trying not to overthink it, but I do worry this kind of thing can get more exclusive as they get older. I thought it was a bit early for Year 1 though.

I don’t know if any relevance it’s also a private school and I don’t always feel like I’m welcomed - my Job, directness and I’m clearly not “from wealth” like a lot are.

Has anyone found this settles down or tends to escalate?

Your "directness" is the problem.

Move in the shadows. A while ago my child went to a nursery in a private school. One mum had a whole class party and deliberately excluded my child. It was a very small class, less than 15 and the party was at a venue where space wasn’t limited. The kids were 3 so highly unlikely her child requested to not invite mine. To this day I have no clue why she did it and wouldn’t have asked. The only difference between my child and their classmates is that they have autism. When it came time for my child’s birthday party I invited her child along with the others, and made a point of telling the teacher loudly in front of all of the parents that I had already handed an invitation directly to someone else as I didn’t want them thinking I had left a child out. She was the first to rsvp sending a long message about how excited her child would be to come to the party and asking what kind of gift they might want.

I'd invite everyone. Id be friendly and hospitable. I wouldn't directly approach anything. If you have an issue go through the school.

My daughter has been excluded from lots of parties. She's high functioning and suspected ADHD and autism. She is academically very advanced but can come across socially/ emotionally mmature to her peer. She recently got invited to a party where the child told her she could come but she was only allowed to play with the pets and not the other kids. Kids are cruel. Id continue with they dont have enough space or everyone can not be invited to everything. Although, do acknowledge that she might feel hurt/ angry / upset by it.

I've had this with my dd in a prep school. It's upsetting but don't deal with it directly. I've hosted some amazing whole class parties and given cool gifts to the parties that they did get invited to, and that helped improve things. She does lots of extracurriculars so she has a wide social circle outside of school.

lol Why not might be fun

Directness? 🚩

I think leaving one or two of a whole class or one or two of the girls in an all girls party is unkind, unless there has been bullying going on by the one or two.

funny your “is” suggests you are too

and these mums have referred to themselves as such too, so perhaps a lot of confident and strong women use this word. I’d like to think that despite my boldness and directness, I’m polite and inclusive - I’ve encouraged my child to be the same , they were all invited last year and im leaning towards the same this.

what I may do as others have suggested is avoid these particular mums, they aren’t my people.

I wouldn't punish a child for their mum being direct.

The comments that have been deleted are from a poster referring to a previous post of mine where I asked the first time why she’d been left out - strange they should continue that here

guess it breaks the rules

Me neither