Would you remind this couple to pay and how not to make awkward?

[Hackneymumm]

A couple we know (our DC are friends). OurDC took part in a competition recently and afterwards we went to a restaurant for lunch / drinks. 4 adults and 4DC. My DH paid on the day and said let’s sort it out afterwards as there was a massive queue at the bar where you had to pay. The bill was £230. My DH forgot to text them bank details and they didn’t remember either. Nearly 2 weeks have gone by. Do you think it’s rude to send a text saying we just remembered and asking for their half? To add - they have expressed they are hard up at the moment!

If not rude / awkward then how would you phrase it?

'Hi x parent, sorry I've not got back to you sooner but really enjoyed our lunch the other week! Here are our bank details, your half of the meal was £x, please let me know once you've sent it (smiley face)'

Hi Mark/Sue, sorry we forgot about this on the day but your share of the lunch is £ and here are our bank details. It was lovely to see you. Best wishes, Sue/Jack

I don’t think it’s rude at all, I would just phrase it something like:

Hi X, hope you’re well! Just realised I forgot to text those bank details over 🤦‍♀️ they are XXX, it was £115 for your half in total.
looking forward to catching up soon! X

I’d text the bank details with an apology for forgetting to send them.

If they agreed to pay halves at the time, & if the bills for each family were roughly equal, they can’t back out now.

After years of being very namby pamby about anything involving money I have learned that being direct is best in situations like this. I think it is very rude of them to 'forget' to pay. A polite but direct text is the way to go imo.

They haven’t forgotten. Send the text today. ‘Sorry we’ve taken so long to sort this. Bill was £230. Bank details are: x. Along with some friendly chat about whatever else.

Of course you should send a text with your bank details. Their financial issues have nothing to do with it!

-They could have eaten less/just had drinks if things were so tight for them.
-You didn't offer to pay for their meals, so I find it rude of them not to have contacted you sooner for bank details.

Most people pay by bank transfer rather than driving over and handing cash to the person they owe money to.

As you’ve not even given them the bank details, they’ve not been able to pay you. They probably haven’t forgotten and are thinking you’re just being generous and not following up by telling them how to pay. You’ve definitely not been following up. Just send the bank details.

It's not rude or awkward. If you want them to pay then just send a message as others have suggested.

Be direct and ask questions them. Did they come to the event to watch your child compete? That was very nice of them if so.

They have expressed they are hard up but spent £115 on a meal out for 4 people? That makes no sense.

I would send them a cheerful message with the cost and the bank details and apologise for not sorting it out sooner.

Regarding payment, it would be acceptable for them to ask if they can pay you on pay day for example. Or to pay half this month and half next month. It would not be acceptable for them to shirk out of paying altogether. You should be satisfied to lose the friendship over it if they don’t pay because you shouldn’t want to be friends with someone who is happy to quite literally steal from you. Likely they’ll just pay up, but I wouldn’t forego the money.

Until you provide the bank details as you said you would, it’s really on you that they haven’t paid.

As PPs suggested, send your account details now, with apologies for the delay.

nothing awkward about it.

OP’s husband forgot. Why do you assume they didn’t also forget?

I think this is perfect, but c.£30 a head for lunch when they're hard up seems excessive! Who chose the restaurant?

Any of the texts below would work.

Your real issue is what you do if they ignore the text - I'd worry that the 'hard up' comment they've made to you might be a hint that they want you to cover it.

However, that's a bridge to cross when you come to it - send the text now and see what happens.

It's not rude, OPs DH didn't give the bank details. It's on him to do that and quite embarrassing for them to ask because for all they know the not sending the detail is intentional

I think you may have to chalk this one up to experience tbh, not sending bank details makes it look like you don't expect to be paid.

Knowing you owe someone money and making no attempt to pay it, and not contacting the person about it, is absolutely rude. @Denim4ever

Of course he should send the bank details. It's 2 weeks not 2 years. I wouldn't even say you just remembered, I'd just say "lovely to see you the other day. My bill was X and my bank detaills are Y".

And what is knowing someone owes you money, but not making any attempt to pass on the details to the person to pay it? Also rude.

Not really, their child was also competing.

I’d just say you’re catching up on banking and realised you didn’t send bank details and remind them on £ value

Not doing what you said you'd do and give your details is both lax and rude and embarrasing your friends

I have ADHD and absolutely would forget all about it and I’d be very grateful to my friends reminding me (as people suggested) so I wasn’t accidentally abusing them!

Just send them bank details. Odd that neither of you did it at the time, or the day after, or the day after that…..