It's bloody never going to get better is it

[Mejustme01]

My severely autistic learning disabled son will just not leave me alone.he pinches,pulls my hair,scratches,pulls my skin,all day long,there's nothing that will deter him,I've tried everything there's no distracting him hes obsessed. It's driving me to absoulte despair.he has absolutely no level of understanding or any language so just doesn't understand. This is the reality of an autism which is rarely discussed. Nappies at 12,up all night long, all day vocal stimming,smearing,countless laundry loads, cleaning up after him, not able to take him out, no respite.arrrgghhhhhhhhh

That's tough. I think that there might be hope soon as we understand the brain better.

I just couldn’t do it .

Not helpful.
I'm sure OP also had access to AI.
It's totally shit, exhausting and relentless im sorry
I'm currently in the midst of a very difficult period of caring for my adult sister with a LD and also autistic and it's just so draining.

If there was a pill or operation that would cure him of autism I'd get it for him in a shot

Exactly.

@Reinventedblanket thank you and im sorry you're going through it too

I'm sorry OP, it's extremely hard and you sound like you're very close to breaking point. You need help! I cared for my son who is similarly autistic and learning disabled until he was 31, he's now in supported living with 2-1 support and thriving.

Does your son have a social worker? If so, you need to ask for a needs assessment to be done and also a carer's assessment for yourself. You can tell them you feel that you're reaching crisis point and need respite care. Go and see your GP and explain how difficult things are at home. If you find it hard to talk about (I did) then write it all down for them. My GP actually rang the social worker there and then and said Mum is at breaking point and needs help. I was so grateful that she understood just how much I was struggling. Resources are thin on the ground so you have to keep phoning, keep asking, keep pushing until you get some help.

In the short term, can you put a lock on your bedroom door so that you can get 5/10 minutes peace when you are overwhelmed? As long as your son can't get out of the house, it's okay to take a few minutes to decompress. Sending you a hug 💐

Oh, OP and other posters in similar situations, I'm sorry that this is completely useless but just feel for you. How bloody hard it must be. @Endofyear advice sounds great. I hope you get some help soon and send all of you a massive hug xxx

@Endofyear thank you.hes only 12,hes been respite once at 6 years,he unfortunately was hurt and came home with bruises he couldn't tell me about and they had no explanation for.my trust was broken and I was heartbroken. I'll keep going just to get him to adulthood and then hopefully like you find somewhere safe.ive taken to locking the bathroom while he sits outside smashing it in

I really feel for you. There needs to be far more help for parents with kids like this. I wasn’t scared of Downs Syndrome or anything like that. But the thought of aggressive non verbal non sleeping autism absolutely terrified me. You’re completely justified in feeling this way.

I'm so sorry you've had a bad experience with respite, it's so hard when our kids can't tell us anything. But there are good providers out there so please do think about trying again. Or you can get direct payments from social services and hire and pay a respite carer yourself who could stay home with your son for a few hours so you can get some time to yourself. It's not selfish, it's essential that you get a break 💐

Wtf is this

OP you should look into options where maybe you can get him into a group home and have him weekends or something.

I have a severly autistic 16 year old so i get it
In terms of agression ,yes he has learned to regulate himself and hes far less agressive now ,
He came out of nappies at 9 after many months of toilet training but hes not fully independent and needs support with this
We do get respite now ,but it took getting to crisis to get the support
Im slso aware that respite is very hit and miss as to available in different LA,s.

I really would consider residential school. I have a severely autistic dd. She’s 24 now but she went into residential specialist school at 13 and I should have done it earlier.

Kids like this need specialist input around the clock. My daughter would attack me whilst I was driving and try to climb out of windows. She settled right down in residential.

You can’t and shouldn’t continue the way you are - you must feel awful.

The Op has no choice.

I'm so sorry op....it sounds unbelievably tough. I feel awful I have no useful advice but didn't want to read and run

Good placements do exist (our experience of respite was not good).

Can I suggest you look at Jasmine House School in Derby? The provider is Smoothstone. They were great with my dd.

Can I just also say that he’s 12 now and is only going to get bigger and taller…

I have a severely autistic non-verbal 6 year old. I have no advice, God I wish I did! But I sympathise. I am living a life similar. Hard is an understatement