Teen Nudes Drama

[TeensAreCruelAndStupid]

Picked 14 yr old son up from school today and he got in the car and burst into tears. He informed me that a girl had friended him on Snapchat and they have been talking for a couple of weeks and she had asked for nude pictures which he sent (we are addressing this as hugely disappointed) turns out this girl was another boy in his school who had created a fake profile and has now been sharing these nude pictures around school. Thankfully someone who was sent the picture told my son who reported to a teacher who has now taken it to the safeguarding lead who will do an investigation. The school have rung and informed us of his disclosure and they will be investigating. Feel really upset about the whole thing, firstly for my son being so stupid to send nude pictures, but also furious that this other boy would go to such depths to obtain these pictures, simply to cause distress for my son by circulating them. My son and this other boy have fallen out recently and don’t speak.
I know there will be consequences for my son for making and sending these pictures to ‘this girl’ which we will rightly support as well as punishments we will put in at home, he will not be using his phone out of sight of a parent for some time. But surely the police should be called on the boy who effectively catfished my son, persistently asking for photos, to then use them to cause such distress, it just seems so cruel and intentional.
Anyone have any idea on how the school should be handling this, will they contact police, what punishments should we expect for my son and the other boy? Should we contact police or for now let the school Safeguarding Lead do what they need to do?

Yes you should contact the police. There is only so much the school can do. I’m sorry this happened to your son.

gosh - sorry this has happened but don’t ‘punish’ your son. This is awful for him. He made a mistake - he obv. felt pressured and made a poor judgement call - treat him with kindness. Don’t punish him - he will have learnt his lesson. Instead talk about trust and safety on social media. Be kind and supportive to him

I'm so sorry to read this! I wouldn't leave it up to the school. I'm no expert and apologise if this advice is wrong, but I think it's illegal to share indecent photos of a minor even if you're a minor yourself and I would definitely press charges. As you said, this boy has tricked and coerced your son and sounds pretty predatory and dangerous. What's he going to do next if he gets away with it? I'd be pushing the school for the highest level of punishment and have a look for support for your son. Again, might be wrong but I think teenagers and young men are currently very high targets for this kind of thing and it's appalling. And as you said, I'd definitely be having a big talk with my son for choosing to send nudes at 14, whoever he thought they were going to! Xx

Has the school not spoken to kids about sharing images online? Like, the way used to be spoken to about playing on train tracks? I thought they did that now. A serious crime has been committed and I suspect the police will have to be called in. The boy who shared the images is in a whole world of trouble.

100% illegal to circulate naked images of a minor even if you are a minor. In your shoes I’d go to the police.

Your poor son has learnt a hard lesson. I hope he was gave a big hug and plenty of reassurance that it'll be moved on from.

But I'd be calling the cops.

Schools tell kids all this stuff all the time. They are kids. They still do stupid stuff.

Your dc going straight to the teachers was the right call, and something that required a lot of bravery, no doubt. I imagine many teens panicking and not knowing how to proceed because of how embarrassed they felt.

This is why a social media ban for under 16s might be a good idea.

At our school we would throughly investigate. We usually suspend the child involved in distributing at the very least. The victim is your son, he made a mistake. He was coerced and groomed into sending those pictures. Please don’t punish him. He has learnt the hard way by being completely humiliated and may struggle for some time to come.
if I can find the teenage victim support resources we signpost our kids to I will come back and post them for you. There are organisations that can remove images from online sites, I would advise using them too

Well the other boy has comitted a serious crime (several actually). He could go to prison for it.

Quite sinister the plotting and effort to target your son
I’d go to the police

I’m sure the police will be involved. I’m just not sure who will contact them though. I would myself if school don’t.

We actually had police officers knock on our door a few years ago after a girl at my son’s school shared photos with her boyfriend. When they split up, he shared them in a large Snapchat group from the school. The officers then visited every child’s house who was in that group to speak with them. They explained that the photos had to be deleted, and my son showed them his phone to prove he hadn’t saved anything.

So I’d imagine they’ll take this very seriously. My son wasn’t even directly involved, but we still had a visit. The school gave the police every child’s home address.

I’m so sorry for your son — he must be absolutely devastated 😭

This happened to a friends child, they were told to press charges against the person sharing the image, there own child who shared it in the first place would also face charges. Absolute madness but that’s what happened.

Children's Services here. I'm very sorry to hear what's happened to your son😞 . Sadly these types of cases are very common these days amongst young people with social media & Internet access.

Children's Services & police should be informed. Sadly there will be few consequences for the offender due to their age- those saying 'it's a criminal offence' - will be No Further Action if thf perpetrator is under 18.

Even if there isn't much that can be done formally, the police and social services arriving to his door will hopefully cause similar humiliation and upset to the perpetrator as what the OP's son has experienced.

You need to contact the police. Sharing of naked photos of minors is child sexual abuse material and carries a prison sentence. In other words it is a very, very serious crime and the catfisher and his parents need to know this.

Your poor son, please don't punish him. It's a traumatic thing to happen and he will need support going forward. Definitely report the other child to the police. It's an incredibly vindictive thing to do.

Please don’t punish your son - he needs a huge hug, support, reassurance and guidance- not a bollocking. I have teen boys and feel so sorry for what has happened to your son. You need to inform police - your son has been groomed and is a victim.

You should take a long hard look at your own parenting failures rather than punish your child.

The NSPCC have got some good resources about this, what next steps might be etc

You don’t press charges in the Uk so that’s nonsense. The crown prosecution service decides whether or not to prosecute based on level of evidence.

Anyone have any idea on how the school should be handling this, will they contact police, what punishments should we expect for my son and the other boy? Should we contact police or for now let the school Safeguarding Lead do what they need to do?

DSL here.

1. Don't punish your son. He is the victim here. Sharing nudes in a consensual way at this age is very usual. He's done something unwise (and natural consequences will teach him why) but not something inherently 'bad'

1. You are getting only one version of this, school safeguarding team need to understand all the different aspects at play.

1. Information as presented here would warrent a report to police. Its a crime. The nuances of understanding that crime not back and white. The crime is not sharing nudes. The crime is maliciously sharing nudes, which this boy pretending to be a girl did.

1. Be prepared for there to be more to this. This links to (1) and not punishing. Feelings of shame stop boys being fully honest, which is why it's important not to create shame by punishing. Don't be surprised by closet bi-curicity. Provide a safe, no judgement and no punishment space for him to tell you this. Or maybe consensual mutual sharing of nudes with a girl (which he doesn't want to be open about because he thinks he'll be punished for doing this) lead to her onward sharing and getting to this point. Bottom line: don't shame or punish your child for sexual curiosity and sharing nudes.

1. Make sure your son knows about https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/report-remove/ this tool allows for the removal of these sorts of images online. He needs to report-remove any time he is aware of the image, to remove it from being online. Also report to the online provider (Instagram WhatsApp Snapchat etc).

1. Make sure you have parental controls on your sons phone, do you can keep him safe online. Keeping children safe online is mire neusnced than just confiscating their phone. Teens need their phone. Consider your parenting and oversight, rather than ban on phone use.

1. Any report to police that the school do will also require a referral to children's services. This is to make sure that you, and separately the parents of the other child, can keep their children safe.

Please do not punish your son for this, he needs your support and guidance.
My DC school recently gave an assembly about this, talking about sextortion and a local boy who sadly taken his own life because of this.
I would contact the police as lessons need to be learned, the boy may not get into too much trouble but I wouldn’t let it go as it’s cruel and can have devastating consequences.

I’m so sorry for your son. Please don’t punish him, he’s been punished enough and will have learned a harsh lesson. Further lectures on being “hugely disappointed “ won’t help much. I’d say go to the police about this other boy who has committed a crime.