Have I been uninvited from this party?

[Ironplate]

This is all far to ridiculous for grown adults, but...

What I thought was a good friend is sulking with me. I don't really know why, she's been very easy to upset for the last 18 months, with several episodes where she won't return calls for days, then everything seems back to normal for a while...until the next time. I've obviously done something, but I don't know what it is. I've tried asking and she always says it's fine.

Anyway, last weekend she and her DH unfriended me on FB (I know!) and her adult daughter turned her back on me at an event last week. None of them have ever told me what's wrong, there's been no big falling out.

Her DH has a big birthday coming up, she's organising a surprise party with invitations via a FB event. Both BF (also unfriended) and I received and accepted the invitation 3 months ago.

I have to admit I'm not looking forward to it and wondering if it's best if I don't go, but there will be loads of mutual friends there who will think it very odd if I don't.

I thought I'd have a look down the guest list for "safe" people to talk to, but I can't find the event. If it's not in my events, does that mean I'm no longer invited? Or is that because of the change in friend status. Am I going to have to ask someone I know is invited to check?!

She's never told me we're not invited, is univiting even a thing in FB? If I hadn't checked, how would I have known?

It’s fairly clear you are uninvited - block and move on as they clearly have an issue with one or both of you

I couldn't be bothered with all the drama, I wouldn't go and would start distancing myself. She sounds very immature.

I would start to control the narrative before she does by subtly telling the mutual friends that the event has disappeared and you are wondering what the matter is.

Ugh she sounds like an absolute douche.

I would assume that if you’ve been blocked on FB that you’re no longer invited to the party. I mean you could just turn up for a laugh?!

Oh absolutely. I'm not worried about her, but all the others who will be expecting us to be there. I don't want her to be able to say we didn't up. No longer being invited would be great news.

I haven't been blocked, just unfriended, I still see everytning she posts that mutual friends comment on.

Yes, I’d just mention to the mutual friends is the event still going ahead as you’ve seen no trace of it online anymore. They will be able to work out whats going on, if they don’t know already and you won’t look like you just didn’t turn up. Or…
you could text your friend just checking in and seeing if everything is ok? Open the conversation and find out what you have done

Ah so cause a bit of drama? Why involve others unless they ask why you weren’t there!

I'd message her and say that it looks like you're not FB friends anymore. Was this a mistake or intentional and if the latter, why? What have you got to lose?

Can't you just give her a call and ask? If she takes the call of course. I mean, ask what you've done wrong and what is going on with the party. Nothing to lose except confusion.

I think personally I'd at least like to know what I'm meant to have done.

I’d go and let them behave like dicks towards you. If you don’t go, they will tell everyone you are the problem.

Is she always such a bitch?

My last message is unanswered, and I fully expect any more I send to be the same. Whilst I could assume that means I'm not welcome at the party, if I'm am still on the list for the event, it will look to eveyone else like we didn't turn up, and who knows what she might tell them.

I didn't really want to ask another guest (although I'd say there are some that are more my friends than hers) because I don't want to put anyone in an akward position.

I think it's safe to assume we're not going to the party, but it would be nice to know if that's because we're not invited or if I need to send apologies!

You are telling them that you aren't going to be there. Beforehand!

So that there is no drama!

How draining. She should at least have the decency to tell you why she's acting like she is.

It does sound like you've been uninvited. What a relief for you 😁

She can be very highly strung. She's a quirky character who we've all learned to humour. Possibly I got a bit bored of that and that's why it's all hone sour - because I haven't been giving her anticts so much attention.

There's no way she'd tell anyone that though. In her mind I'll have done her some slight. I am surprised her DH has unfriended me too though. He's usually the sensible one who smooths over all the drama.

If you’re unfriended then the fb invitation will automatically be deleted your end as you’re no longer connected to the host

I think it’s fairly safe to assume you’re not invited OP! If anyone asks just say she deleted you and DH off Facebook and decided to ignore you both?

Have you asked her why she’s deleted you?

I don't think so because BF was unfriended (I know, I know) following a previous episode, and was on the guest list despite not being friends with the host.

I think you're better off stepping right away from this relationship anyway - but perhaps to put your mind at rest re the other guests, send her a really "friendly" message saying that you assume since you've been unfriended and that the event for the party has disappeared from your page, that the invitation to the party has been withdrawn but that you hope they all have a lovely evening. Being really nice will be very annoying for her. You do not need friends like that!

Don’t go, spread the message that she’s unfriended you and ignoring you and you have no idea why.

She sounds extremely childish 😔 I'd be talking to mutual friends if they ask about the party and say she's been acting odd and you don't know why.

This..

You say you are reluctant because it would be awkward.. but the Friend has herself made it awkward for you.

You also say that you are better friends with some of the guests than she is.. I would DEFINITELY telll them it appears you've been uninvited and you don't know why.. because you can bet your bottom dollar that this silly friend will have this drama as one of her party antics.

You say she has form for nonsense and they all know it.. so tell them.. before she spreads a load of untrue gossip about how you've offended her. I think they will be sympathetic.. You don't have to be rude about her.. just ask if they know why and if they agree you've been uninvited.. I bet she's already said something if she's a drama queen.
Honestly, it sounds like it would be an awful party for you. Don't give her the satisfaction of asking her if you are invited or not, she will take great pleasure inthat. Pick somewhere really nice to go out to instead that night and enjoy it, raise a glass to silly friend and be glad you are having a better time.

Yes, I have loads, that's the issue.