Anyone else nearing 40 and feeling stuck between life stages?

[Wondrring]

Is anyone else approaching 40 and feeling completely in-between stages of life?

I’m nearly 38 with two kids and thought by this age I’d feel more settled in myself, but instead I feel a bit lost and emotionally exhausted. I have ideas for my future and the kind of life I want, but no time, energy or resources to properly move towards any of it.

Not sure if this is late 30s, burnout, an identity shift, or all of the above.

Following because I feel the same!

Midlife crisis, IMO. I feel the same. As do at least several other women of the same age that I know.

I'm the same age as you op and it's a weird one for sure.

I think it's not helped that the world post pandemic seems to have drifted from one crisis to another?

CoL isn't to blame for everything but I feel very fatigued by trimming things constantly and still not getting anywhere.

Any my DC are quite little so I'm not yet quite out of the fog of early years

Yep. 40 tomorrow, could have written this 😅

It does pass, I am the wise old age of 50 now and enjoying this stage of life very much. Helps when your kids are off doing their own thing. You’ll always worry about them but not being responsible for their day-to-day care gives you so much time for living your life. Hang on in there!

I could have written this myself I am 39, hormonal, tired & made myself cry listening to old “going out” music at the weekend!!!!!

I feel like this too, I'm not far off 40. It's a kind of restlessness and dissatisfaction for me coupled with some self-esteem issues. It's annoying, as I used to feel like this as a teen and up to mid twenties. A lot of my peers seem to be flying with new involved hobbies and ticking items off their bucket list but I don't have the energy or capacity at the moment to fully throw myself into these things.
Trying to enjoy life as it stands. A relief to read that others around the same age / life stage are also noticing this.

I’m 35 and feel like this. Kids are still children (not teens) but not little anymore. Work is very stressful and all-consuming, I’m on sick with burnout at the moment. Then added into this I have a parent in poor health and I’m trying to save money, lose weight, keep a tidy home and not lose my mind. It feels a bit relentless at the moment.

I'm 36, still not married and getting anxious about having children. Work is all consuming but stagnant - it's a weird place to be, nobody really mentioned this bit!

I don’t think getting older necessarily brings us to a place where we feel more settled in ourselves. If anything, we lose the self we thought we were - and, if we’re fortunate, we adapt and grow into whatever our circumstances shape us into.
I always imagined I’d be an incredibly successful artist who would never have children. Instead, my four-year-old has taught me that my greatest quality is the love I have to give, and that I’m happiest when I’m able to help others.
The truth is, I was never that exceptional of an artist, and I may never be particularly successful at anything - and that’s okay. Because somewhere along the way, I learned how to accept the above and still find joy beyond my mediocrity.

Im 40 very soon and actually feel great! my kids are teens and pretty much self sufficient so iv had time to explore myself again including new hobbies such as gardening, weight training and a PhD. I had my children young and they are like my best friends now. Life seems to be good at the moment and im hoping it stays that way, I used to worry to excess about everything but over the last few years it seems to have subsided and I am of the mindset that I can't do anything about most things which has been liberating!

Same same. Everything is objectively going well. Career, family life, friends etc. But I feel so…empty and lost?
My tolerance for corporate bullshit is at an all time low. I’m due to go for a promotion but I’m having a hard time not outwardly eye rolling at the nonsense of it all.
I’m so burnt out by all of the kid admin that I have no capacity for joy anymore. It’s all just going through the motions.
And then I’m permanently anxious about how AI is going to destroy my profession. Or how the environment is going to collapse in time for my kids being young adults. Or how the economy is completely fucked and our standard of living just keeps declining.
I’m sure someone will be along to blame it on perimenopause soon, but I feel as though these concerns are valid and reasonable

I am 40 soon and ruminating on all my shitty past behaviour. It's awful!! I have 100% changed, been to therapy, done the work but my brain won't let it go!

I wanted to start my 40s being more grounded ☹️

39 was my middle life crisis. Realised my then husband and I had nothing in common any more and were practically living separately lives so I left him for the weekend and went to my mothers. I returned the monday when he was off to work (he worked away 3.5 weeks of each month) and told him i was done. And i was. But yes...it was the dreaded 39! Im 54 soon. All settled and remarried now

41 this year, hormones all over the place, undiagnosed ADHD absolutely ravishing my sanity!! (finally found the courage to ask GP to be assessed god knows how long I wait now) I feel old, unstylish and fat just generally not loving myself or life at the minute - trying to stay focused at work, keep a decent house, help with homework etc etc etc. My hubs is great though and he’s really trying to understand me and what’s happening and I do have good days - I think it’s just that shitty bit of life we all go through certainly made me realise what my mum went through when we all thought she was losing it 😂

I think my 40’s was my low point - young kids, balancing a stressful job and home, 12 years left on the mortgage, parents becoming more needy … all ended in me being depressed and thinking why bother? Now light at end of tunnel and kids (sort of) left home and feel brighter in myself- but I no longer take on responsibility for others and have become more selective on who I see and what I do! I stress less and that has been quite freeing…
Keep going, life does get better x

Folks! Your estrogen may well be dropping and you are heading into the foothills of peri menopause. Wahoo!

Do not be afraid! My advice to you is to start reading up about it so you’re ready for the symptoms when they arrive…

My worst symptom, aged 41, was worsening mental health, starting with malaise that month by month got worse, until I was finding that during my luteal phase (post-ovulation), the depression and intrusive thoughts were bad enough I contemplated unaliving myself.

My periods were still perfectly normal, but lucky me had a friend who’d started HRT and encouraged me to go see a specialist menopause Gp (privately, online)

Long story short: I started on an estrogen patch and BOOM within weeks things were getting considerably better. A year on at 42 and my mental health is once again great.

So I guess my advice to you is, be ready! There’s some amazing menopause docs on social media that I follow… Louise Newsom, Noor Al-Humaidhi, Nighat Arif…where I’ve learned TONS. Local GP was worse than useless, but the one private appointment I had was worth the £.

To me, the different life stages of 30, 40, 50 and next will be 60, have slowly brought me to the person I wholly believe I have always was, in my heart-my true self. I am the happiest I have ever been, at nearer 60 than 50, largely because I no longer belittled by emotionally abusive exH's (2) My DC are early 20's and in their first homes with partners, both emotionally stable and looking financially secure, in post grad jobs. For the first time in my life, I can do what I want whenever I want (hello snuggling on my sunny bed in the afternoon with a Labrador😊). The daily 'eternal guilt' has gone, apart from caring re. DM-our relationship is strained.
I have downsized to the house of my dreams-not huge but semi rural, and I have cut my hours/now dipped into my pension pot. I am in heaven on a daily basis, walking in the fields with my two dogs, smelling the scents of each season, watching wildlife and having absolutely NO relationship issues to shit on my peace. In my 30's, my 1st exH had a mid life crisis/OW - left me with two babies then made my life hell for decades. I was suicidal. (We were a 2.2 'normal' family and I was blindsided by this - been together 20 yrs at this point). I remarried my 2nd exH age 43 - fantastic time for a few years but his MH issues became unbearable and dangerous. After that I vowed to live alone with my pets for the rest of my life and share my emotions ans home with no one. I have my family and a few solid friends. I own my own small business-this only happens because of my first divorce. I love it. I'm just so glad I survived to tell the tale and to feel the real joy the world actually has to offer, now I am free. Life has very few things we can actually control at times and I wouldn't have believed myself 20 years ago if someone had said I'd be this happy ever again. Nothing stays the same for ever and it has been a difficult world since Covid, but follow your heart if you can, OP-it's the only way to achieve true happiness. My only other motto in life was that my children's emotional happiness almost always, came first.

Hello, yes it’s me mentioning peri menopause

Apathy (tick) burnout (tick) generalised anxiety (tick) … you might wanna read into it a bit more. Sending hugs, it’s shit. But there is help out there.

HRT and a good chunk of therapy sorted me right out :)

And also I enjoy giving a lot less fucks than I once did, there are benefits….!! X

Are you sure it’s not just being a millennial and having to have lived in crisis mode since the beginning of our adult lives?
I began my career at the start of the financial crisis, and we seem to have just lurched from crisis to crisis. Now in the cost of living crisis where I’m having to scrutinise our monthly bills despite earning extremely well.
I’m fucking tired of this shit. My husband is too and I’m pretty sure he’s not peri

I have no children (by choice) and a great relationship with my DH. At 39 (very close to my 40th birthday!) my life feels the same as it did when I was 30 except I have progressed in my career and have more spare money to enjoy my leisure time. My hobbies, clothing style, fitness, etc have all stayed the same for over 10 years. Hopefully that won’t change much in my 40s.

Yes to all you said, I'm 39 and started to really feel scared about turning 40 next year and not being happy.
I've recently started to make changes, eat healthy, go to gym twice a week and a night out with friends one a month such as cinema or bingo. I'm slowly seeing improvement in my mood, I had some really down weeks especially over winter, doesn't help my children struggling to go sleep so barely any time with my husband.
If you can, call on anyone to let you step away one night a week to do something for yourself this will help.
Your not alone.

Am with you OP and I'm not peri!

Yes me, its like I turned 38 and started getting every minor health niggle going...in my case I think it's work stress rather than perimenopause/hormones. Emotionally I feel fine/happy about everything apart from work.

I agree there's probably something to be said about millennial having lived a lot of life in crisis mode...I just want a break from major world events (as a EU citizen the rise of reform is probably the one I am most immediately worried about).

I can't relate to this, at 25 I thought my life was going nowhere I'd been made redundant, so was back at my parents and working a retail job, all my dreams post graduation gone, I was the first to go to 6th form let alone uni so I just expected it would unlock doors and then at 25 I was back to square one. I'm now 40 married, DC professional career, own my own home (with the help of a mortgage of course) we budget but are more financially comfortable than my parents ever were. I have a decent social life and hobbies but don't want to be out in pubs and clubs every weekend anymore. We holiday, do things with DS etc. 40 is much better than 25!