Dad still attending playgroup after child started school

[winelover100]

At a local playgroup we go too there's a Dad who turns up every week with no children what so ever. His child left last July as started school in September. I feel very awkward about this and when i asked the playgroup leader she didn't seem bothered.

This is utterly bizarre behaviour.

You are right to feel the way you do. It’s a bit off. What reasons does he give?

Eww, pretty obvious what hes there for.

If leader didn’t seem bothered…. Perhaps he’s volunteering

What does he do there without a child?
Does he know one of the other parents?

I sort of get it, these groups can provide a really nice third space type environment in which to meet people. I struggled a lot when my youngest started school and my time at these groups ended.

That said I agree, it's really odd him just hanging around with no kids. Could he be put in more of a volunteer role with a DBS?

He is one off the first men there. He does know a couple who come together and they sit by him, and he will occasionally hold their baby, but other than that he comes sits on his phone has coffee and cake, stays the whole session, then drives off by himself again.

If he's just coming and sitting on his phone then that's even weirder. Coming for the social aspect would be odd but at least make sense.

So best case scenario he’s a SAHD who’s a bit lonely during the day so wants to catch up and chat with parents he knows? You’re not there to facilitate that and th leader needs a safeguarding chat with herself …

Male or female, it’s bizarre and unsettling. It’s like going to the swimming pool but not swimming - why would you? Playgroup is for children to play and you don’t go without a child.

What kind of playgroup? One where you leave the kids or one where the parents stay? What other helpers are there? Our church runs a parents' and tots group and there are a couple of leaders with no kids there, because frankly they are the people with enough time and energy to plan stuff, and it's wonderfully useful to have someone making drinks and cleaning up who's not got a small kid round their feet, not to mention for the mum who came with her 2 year old and her 3 month old twins!

Unfortunately hes not volunteering at all. I have 3 small children and playgroups have been my absolute lifeline, and made so many great friends. But he will come on the weeks his friends aren't there too, sits by himself on his phone. it is a church led group and i do get everybody is welcome but its for 0-4 year olds and he drives to and from the playgroup each week by himself, regardless off his friends being there.

He’s probably the baby’s dad then.

When you said the playgroup leader didn’t seem bothered, you forgot to tell us exactly what she said?

What did she actually say to seem not bothered?
Is he also one of the volunteers, maybe?

What did the leader actually say. The words. Rather than how she “seemed”

Absolutely, all the ladies who run the group are older and don't have any children, and in all honestly if he turned up to help like the ladies nobody would even bat an eyelid.

I think you need to formalise your objections to this and point out the safeguarding concerns to the organisers. He might be harmless and not there for the wrong reasons, but no-one can say that for certain. It’s odd behaviour at best.

If they won’t take action you may need to vote with your feet.

Do you ever talk to any of the other attendees? Have any of them expressed a concern to you?

what did the leader actually say?!

any other attendee concerned or just you?

We had something similar with a Grandad. Felt a bit sorry for him but it was a bit odd and a couple new mums felt awkward with breastfeeding, I don’t know if he was asked to leave but his attendance dwindled.

Are you absolutely, 100% sure he's not volunteering now his kids at school?

Yeeeaaa that’s pretty weird. I don’t think it’s necessarily anything nefarious but it is odd behaviour. We’ve a couple of mums who have no kids at the playgroup I go to anymore but they volunteer to help in the kitchen often and they’ve friends there and spend their time socialising, so it just feels less odd than barely talking to anyone and staring at their phone 😬

Do you actually talk to him?
He could be an outreach worker.
There were some (male and female) who came to playgroups I went to. They were there to chat and offer support and advice - but not to run the playgroup session.

It does sound odd. Is he really skint and it's the only place he can get coffee and cake for £1?

What did the leader actually say? Did you ask them why he's there?