Nothing like the sun to make you feel lonely….

[Flowersdie]

I fucked up this Bank Holiday and didn’t make any plans, it snuck up on me. My children are with their dad. I’m alone and watching/ hearing about everyone else’s fun plans in the sun.

I do have friends - it’s just these moments, when you find yourself alone for three days because you didn’t plan, that hit hard. I’ve been invited to a gathering tomorrow night but I barely know the host and don’t want to rock up to a busy pub alone…

Anyone else relate and want to cheer me up?

(ps the answer is not a partner, I don’t want one!)

Well, seeing as you didn’t plan, just seize on this time as a time to do enjoyable solo things, and make a note to plan ahead next time?

My dh is often away at weekends working, it can feel very lonely. If I’ve no plans with other people I look at the weather then decide what to do each day, I make sure I get some fresh air, do a few housefuls things but the rest of the time I do things I love. That includes sitting on the sofa, reading or watching something I like on TV.

I love weekends like this. No plans, no rushing, just doing whatever pleases me.

I know this will sound really patronising, but maybe you need to reframe how you see it?

I have this every other weekend so it’s not novelty

Btw I know there’s no answer or solution - just looking for some support when I’m feeling a bit sad!

I think my period might be coming….

If you're lonely you should go to the party. Either arrive early enough that you can have a decent chat with the host before many people arrive, or late enough that you can duck in and out unnoticed if it's not your vibe.

I mean, I get that it's hard to rock up by yourself when you don't think you'll know anyone, but you said you're lonely. You have an invite, which is your solution. Remember you were invited for a reason! The host might not know you that well but he/she likes what they do know and they'll be happy to see you.

There is literally nothing lonelier than being at a busy gathering and feeling out of place. It’s hardly like couples randomly welcome single women into their chats

It doesn't need to be a novelty to enjoy it, though.

Couples who shun single women are twats and very weird. I've been a single woman at parties and never felt out of place. Also been to parties with DP where we've obviously talked to single women.

It just feels a bit defeatist to assume that the hypothetical loneliness you may or may not feel at the party is greater than the actual loneliness you're posting on the internet about. Plenty of posters have great advice about how to enjoy being alone but if you fundamentally don't want that - you have an invite. Up to you.

Would you be prepared to go the gathering at the pub on the premise that you have one drink and see how it’s going? If you feel too isolated /excluded you can finish your drink and leave.
But get out anyway to a park or nature reserve and have an ice cream /coffee in the sunshine.

No help but there something to be said for being able to please yourself

I quite often used to take myself off for a solo day out cheap train ticket to anywhere

I’ve done Manchester,Glasgow and the lakes on the bus (£3 at the moment)

where abouts are you ?

I’m in London

London is great for entertaining yourself solo. Go to an art gallery, go to a park, take yourself out for lunch, hop on the tube to explore a bit of the city you've never been to.

Top tip for parties where you're a bit uncertain and don't know anyone - if you really feel you're not enjoying yourself the best excuse is that you have another party to get to.

I think you are being a bit contradictory. You have been invited to something but don't want to go, but are complaining you have nothing on?! You have.. a party. And if you don't want to go and would rather stay home alone that's fair enough too, but it's a choice and not something circumstantial. And you live in London! A place full of endless options.

My partner is working overseas.(away 2 months at a time) You have to adjust your life and stop moping.
Today i got up early, bought some lovely plants to pot. I've potted them, cut the grass and am now relaxing in the garden.
Tomorrow is torrential rain, so netflix and chill.
Monday, a swim and sauna and a walk in my local woodland. I avoid bank holiday crowds anyway.
Just plan your day and stop moping.

There are so many Meetup groups in London! Go try one

Ok. Have you never had conflicting feelings?!

I'd buy a book, freeze a bottle of water and bugger off to the seaside for the day. Lay on the beach, reading, maybe go for a swim with no kids mithering at me. Sounds like heaven.

OP didn't ask for things to do. I think she just wants kindness (correct me if wrong OP)

I get the impression you're basically feeling a bit sad, and I know the exact feeling of dc with their dad and nothing planned. It's a specific feeling. There's always museums, gyms, friend events on the horizon, but ime there's a slightly lost feeling which might be what you're experiencing.

I've got the same thing today and despite doing things, the feeling didn't quite go away. So I've closed the curtains, put on the lights (deliberately changed the atmosphere) and I'm about to get on the treadmill and watch something absorbing.

Hope you feel better soon

Thanks, you’re spot on. A lot of people don’t get the feeling if they’ve not experienced it unfortunately. Or fortunately for them I guess!

I get it @Flowersdie and I agree with your sentiment about feeling more alone when you’re alone surrounded by people/ couples/ families.
I don’t particularly enjoy being on my own, I have to prepare myself by planning my time alone so it feels busier and like something I should be looking forward to. Maybe this would help you?
I suppose if you rarely have time alone it’d be easy to imagine a quiet weekend would be blissful.

Ok, I apologise. I get you. I get really indecisive sometimes and it's a stressful horrible feeling.

It actually makes you feel alive!

There is literally nothing lonelier than being at a busy gathering and feeling out of place. It’s hardly like couples randomly welcome single women into their chats

I couldnt agree more. It is really tough, like being solo at a wedding where you don’t know anyone except the bride or groom. Isolating, and you feel unanchored and self-conscious. I get it. It being a social fun context is part of it, in contrast to shopping alone in a busy supermarket for example.

Hey op I get you.

id do one of two things in this situation (and I have been, many times). I’d either give in to my inner slob and mope The weekend away. Or I’d plan a crazy busy solo weekend. Either way I’d wish I’d done the other. Now that IS contrary!

I hope you manage to find a way to have a nice time. I’d suggest trying the party with a view to ducking out if you’re not feeling it. How about the pictures? Or a gallery and a cocktail?

I hope you do end up having a nice weekend op.