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Original poster

Convince me that a 2 year age gap is good?

56 replies

flyingbeet · 12/12/2024 18:57

I have a 5 month old and hubby and I were already planning the next 😂. He said he would like a 2 year age gap and I said 3 years may be better because we get more one on one time with each baby. But I also want them to be close in age so they can play together. What do you think the ideal age gap is?

OP posts:
Birdwordie · 12/12/2024 19:00

I've got a 2 and a half gap, it is difficult especially newborn days with a toddler but I don't regret it! They play together (and fight) but are at that age where they can go off an entertaining eachother and have a lovely relationship x

username299 · 12/12/2024 19:01

It depends on what you can afford surely. Can you afford two sets of nursery, more maternity leave and another child to run around after?

BlackeyedSusan · 12/12/2024 19:03

Two year gap. A levels and GCSEs at the same time.

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Notthebeard · 12/12/2024 19:06

I’ve got a 22 month age gap. DONT DO IT!! I’ve hit the terrible twos at the point where the baby is starting to need more supervision ( due to moving around, having her own ideas 😬). They are only nearly 3 and 1 so very early days, can’t speak about playing together later. But I feel like whenever my eldest gets bored/ hungry/ tired he goes to hit/ push the baby and I spend my whole day getting between them.

Also the baby is the same age now that my eldest was when I started trying to conceive number 2. She seems so small!! Can’t believe I thought my eldest wasn’t a baby anymore at 1.

My SIL has a 4 year gap and that seems to be much smoother and so far her eldest loves the little one so much, math fewer jealousy issues.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 12/12/2024 19:07

Apart from the fighting and not sharing, it's great :p

Nah I'm all honesty they get on really well on the whole and me and DH can see a very strong bond being nurtured.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 12/12/2024 19:08

BlackeyedSusan · 12/12/2024 19:03

Two year gap. A levels and GCSEs at the same time.

Why is this something to take into consideration?! What hell am I I'm for?! :D

KirstenBlest · 12/12/2024 19:09

Get cracking OP. Mine have just over a year between them and it worked out well.

SouthLondonMum22 · 12/12/2024 19:10

Mine are 16 months apart. I then had twins too.

DS has just turned 2 and twin DD’s are 7 months. It’s definitely a wild ride but I’m glad I didn’t wait.

BrunchBarBandit · 12/12/2024 19:10

I’m so happy we’ve got a 4 year gap. They get along brilliantly and now the oldest can babysit the youngest. And of course only one child at a time in nursery and university.

But the 4 year gap only happened because it took a long time to conceive our 2nd. If we’d have had him and there was a 3 year gap I’m sure I’d have found advantages in that to tell you about too

Christmaseason · 12/12/2024 19:12

I have a 21 month old gap and have loved it, there have been lots of shared routines. They were amazing sleepers which helped, the first year was busy and then after that it’s been great. I found school holidays and going on holidays really easy as they were into the same things.
I never had any fighting and jealousy wasn’t a thing.

aquietlifeplease · 12/12/2024 19:13

Mine are 15 and 17 now and are best friends. It was honestly the best decision I’ve made to have them close together. And for those mentioning exams they have supported each other through it so far and having them both studying has reduced arguments over loud music extra as they’re both in the same boat!

Christmaseason · 12/12/2024 19:14

I also found the exams close together worked well too, our family were in the zone for a few years. The same with university, I had two years when they were both there.

hushabybaby · 12/12/2024 19:15

What's your ideal?
One in nursery and a new born?
Do you need to go back to work?
One in school and a new born?
What do you want to do?

No33 · 12/12/2024 19:15

My 2 year gap was much easier than the 6 year gap!

Being 10 and 12 they now ignore each other and I. They've never been a pair to play together much, but they adore each other 😆

Katisha · 12/12/2024 19:16

Worked really well with my two boys

SnowyIcySnow · 12/12/2024 19:22

2 years here (nearly to the day).
It's great. Yes, the early days were a slog. And the double nursery fee years were tough - but equally we saved a very expensive year by 2 year old DS1 being at home with me and his brother.
Both have had similar interests - so not having one wanting softplay and one Lazer quest for example. Days out have been easy to cater for both.
Nappy days were behind us fairly quickly rather than one coming out as a baby arrived.

I look at friends with big age gaps and am very pleased with my lot.

Just waiting for potentially 2 at uni. That sounds tricky.

Sunnnybunny72 · 12/12/2024 19:25

2.5 year gap. Spent thousands on nursery from a young age for both of them to get us through (no real family help) and I also made sure I went back to work at four and five months pt for my sanity. They're now 22 and 19 and for us, it was perfect. I would do exactly the same again with the same gap.
The very best of times, holidays, Xmas, travelling, activities etc were made so much easier as they grew up as you could mostly please both at the same time.

Roselilly36 · 12/12/2024 19:27

We had a 21mth gap, I would recommend, of course it’s hard work but that comes with any new baby. The advantages were, no jealousy, my two are very close and always have been (adults now) we didn’t need to get to school in the morning, they liked similar toys/tv shows, days out etc you don’t forget any of the stages the disadvantages are two in nappies etc expensive. If I had the time over again I would make the same decision, however my babies had totally different personalities, if DS2 had been born first I wouldn’t have ever considered another! DS1 was such a chilled, happy, contented baby, DS2 came as a shock. Good luck OP, do what’s right for you.

coronafiona · 12/12/2024 19:27

4 years is much better financially and emotionally

Thewholeplaceglitters · 12/12/2024 19:28

I have a 20 month gap and think it’s the best. The first year was very hard, I can’t emphasise that enough BUT once dc2 got to about 12 months it has pretty much been a dream. Activities as a family are really straightforward because they are at very similar stages and they have a constant playmate. We had no jealousy because dc1 was too young to remember anything before dc2. Mine are 11 & 13 now and it’s still a great gap. We’ve got friends who have started again & are now dealing with preteens & toddlers, that just looks so hard!

Firstgenfunc · 12/12/2024 19:31

I don’t think there has to be a two-year age gap for kids to play together. My two have a three year age gap and have always played together.
Two year age gaps be good but I’d be careful about knowing what you’re letting yourself in for. They’re still like babies at age two and they need you a lot. Having another baby to deal with at the same time as your two year old can make you feel really torn all the time. I know people who’ve handled it just fine and people who have really struggled. I liked the three year gap because I think I would’ve really struggled to not be able to give my two-year-old my full attention. But it really depends on what your personality is like. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who gets stressed easily (as I do).
also there’s a big difference between a 2 year gap and a 2.5 year gap. That six months might make it a lot more manageable as they grow so much in such a short time at that age.

Spaceid · 12/12/2024 19:36

4.5yrs between my sibling and me. My mum said it was perfect. Have a great relationship with them and so much fun growing up. They’re one of my closest friends now. I don’t think there is a perfect gap, just depends on the children!!

crostini · 12/12/2024 19:36

Do it!
Obviously it's hard in a lot of ways especially in the early days.
BUT the eldest won't remember life without the younger one for very long, so there's less resentment. And they just love each other so much. And now at 4 and 2 are into the same things. I honestly think any wider of an age gap and the dynamic changes and they feel the difference in age more. That's not to say that other age gaps are lesser, but there is definitely something about them being little at the same time.
My other set of kids are older and further apart in age and it was nice in many ways but my 2 year age gap kids are very well bonded.

bakewellbride · 12/12/2024 19:38

2 year gap would be very hard without a good family support network- what's your set up?

We have no family nearby but our kids have a 3.5 year gap and honestly it's perfect for us. When baby was born eldest was fully toilet trained (game changer) and doing a morning every day at nursery which was great for a break / one on one time with the baby. Also at 3.5 years his understanding of what was happening was just so much greater.

It's tempting to see super close age gaps and think how lovely but think of the practicalities. I have friends who have potty trained a toddler while exhausted with a newborn and it was not a bed of roses.

My kids are now 2 and a half and 6 and they play brilliantly together (most of the time 😂) and have a great bond.

Gymmum82 · 12/12/2024 19:38

2y 3m between my 2. I think it’s the perfect age gap. Close enough to have similar interests and play together nicely but big enough not to be too hellish