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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are your children your life?

223 replies

Earlymorningbirdschirping · 27/03/2023 21:44

Are they your reason for living/everything you do basically?
I was never massively maternal, although loved kids, I wasn’t sure I wanted kids for a long time, then suffered infertility and finally had my Dd at the age of 40.
I’d lived a lot and travelled a lot and worked a lot in a rewarding job (teacher)
I often need my space and reminisce about the freedom years, but I feel like Dd (now 4) really is what I live for, everything I do is for her and every decision I make. Is this a healthy/normal point of view? It’s sometimes v overwhelming and v intense

OP posts:
GreenLeavesRustling · 27/03/2023 21:46

Yes.

I have a job I love and that has meaning, a husband I adore. I am lucky to have a lot of good things in my life, but I absolutely live for my children.

I do have hobbies - when they fly the nest I expect I will feel bereft and get a lot of dogs!

Botw1 · 27/03/2023 21:48

No.

KylieKangaroo · 27/03/2023 21:48

Yes, I never expected them to be but like you say everything I do is for them. Wouldn't have it any other way!

MissJam · 27/03/2023 21:50

My little boy is, I absolutely adore him. Every waking moment is spent thinking about him or looking at him. If I go out on the occasional evening I talk about him, look at pictures of him… my friends must be so bored 😂

JuneBridie · 27/03/2023 21:50

Yes, definitely. They’re in their 20s now and it just gets stronger.

MysweetAudrina · 27/03/2023 21:50

Fuck no. I wouldn't put that on them. Big part of my life but my life is mine and I am living it for me and not anyone else.

WordtoYoMumma · 27/03/2023 21:54

Nope. I have lots of brilliant things in my life. My kids are amazing but they are not my whole world. I'm a mum but I'm also a wife, a friend, a foodie, a collector of shoes, a volunteer, a hard worker, a lover of prosecco... I could go in but you get my point 😁

I love my life and my kids are a huge part of it but not everything. My world is bigger than that.

Thinkbiglittleone · 27/03/2023 21:54

Yes, I knew I would love them etc, but I didn't truly understand what that love would be like. I adore my DH, he is amazing, but this love is something else.

I still do my own things but our DS is considered in every single decision I make in life and I love that.

I love, that I love spending time with him, I feel very lucky of that.

PortmeirionTiles · 27/03/2023 21:55

Yes and no. They are the centre of my world and are never far from my thoughts. I really put myself out for them in a lot of ways, and in ways my parents never would have done for me. But I am still ME, being a mother is just one aspect of who I am and it’s not my personality. As they get older I’m getting more and more of my ‘independence’ back, and while of course that’s bittersweet, I’m making the most of it!

7Worfs · 27/03/2023 21:56

Yes, mine are the center of my universe. I had them mid- and late 30s so have had enough ‘me’ time.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 27/03/2023 21:57

No, but they bring meaning to my life. They focus my life, a bit like putting on your glasses.

FizzyWineAndCrisps · 27/03/2023 22:00

Yes, they really are my world. Everything is for and about them. I also had fertility issues and had my DC a bit later in life as a result. I think it makes them feel more miraculous somehow.

Climbingthelaundrymountain · 27/03/2023 22:00

Yes. They definitely come first and are what I think about before any decision is made.

Cosycover · 27/03/2023 22:01

Yep I guess so.
Every decision I make is based around them and their needs.
My happiness is based on their happiness.
My life wouldn't be worth living without them.

BeatriceFranklin · 27/03/2023 22:08

When they were little probably more than I anticipated but I never wanted my life to revolve around my children and it never has. I refused to lose my identity as a person and as they grew I encouraged them to be independent individuals while always being there for them. I have a very close relationship with my children although they have left home now. I’m not the type of mum who expects them to be on the phone or message daily but one or more normally do. I think it’s a bit odd for a parent to revolve their whole world around their child/ren tbh.

BettyBoopy · 27/03/2023 22:09

Yes absolutely. Every single decision I make is based on how it will affect them. I am still me but my children absolutely come first.

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 27/03/2023 22:09

No, I agree with @MysweetAudrina I wouldn’t put that on them.

they are an enormous part of my world, I adore every fibre of them, but no. Not every decision I make is based around them, and their wishes.

Scirocco · 27/03/2023 22:09

Yes. The absolute centre of my world.

Original poster
Earlymorningbirdschirping · 27/03/2023 22:11

This is what I worry…if it’s healthy? I’m still me..but it overtakes everything

OP posts:
Roundaboutabee · 27/03/2023 22:11

Yes. But I’m also absolutely determined to make sure that they don’t feel that to an extent that that is stifling and to an extent that I can’t manage without them.

I never want them to feel they can’t travel/move away/ not spend Christmas with us / etc etc because my life revolves around rare sightings of them.

Hotcuppatea · 27/03/2023 22:12

They are my first priority, but there is lots more to my life than my children.

DivineAffliction · 27/03/2023 22:13

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 27/03/2023 22:09

No, I agree with @MysweetAudrina I wouldn’t put that on them.

they are an enormous part of my world, I adore every fibre of them, but no. Not every decision I make is based around them, and their wishes.

Agreed. DS is gorgeous, and I adore him, and as someone who came late and ambivalently to parenthood, I’ve enjoyed it so far far more than I expected, but while he’s hugely important, my entire being doesn’t revolve around him.

LetsPlayShadowlands · 27/03/2023 22:13

Yes.

And lol at the people trying to attach mum guilt to this.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/03/2023 22:14

Yes- because every single decision I make has to take my children into account. Nothing else I do or have does.

Botw1 · 27/03/2023 22:14

No, I don't think it is particularly healthy op.