To think there isn’t a way of getting kids to listen to you without yelling your head off

[stressedoutandoverwhelmed]

Fully expecting to be told I’m totally unreasonable here but I have not found one if one exists

I have read the books

the book you wish your parents had read
how to talk so little kids will listen

I am sure there is another I can’t remember

and none of the techniques work.

is this just life now? It’s depressing and miserable if so. I’m starting to think that that’s just parenting though.

How old are they?

I found the ‘How to Talk….’methods worked if I had time and energy but sometimes I just needed to get three small kids out of the house and in the car in two minutes and there ended up being shouting.

Shouting is rarely the answer and if it’s done too much becomes ineffective anyway.

how old and what sort of behaviour?

Do you think the yelling makes your children listen?

I mean if it works and it not stressing you/them out then crack on.

I think if I yelled at my daughter she would be very stressed and anxious and I have never found the need to yell at her. I’m not a shouter though and never have been and hate being shouted at.

Sometimes a good yell is needed. Probably why we do it, evolutionarily speaking.
I have two boys, and sometimes a raised voice is needed to cut through and grab their attention.
However, shouting too much will eventually get ignored too as they desensitise.

I must have weird kids because for mine it does work and absolutely nothing else does. That’s fine if that’s true of mine and only mine but it doesn’t stop it being true IYSWIM.

I think the problem is that once you start yelling they don't list until you escalate it to yelling because before that they think that you aren't serious? So once you start yelling it's very hard to stop.

Shouting is only effective if you do it rarely.

Probably but in absence of anything else effective I have to do something.

From a teaching point of view...if my students aren't listening I do something odd like switch the lights off, burst into song or pull a silly face. Anything to make them take notice of me!

Retired Reception teacher here. I had a tambourine as a signal to stop talking and listen - loud enough to attract attention without shouting. It had colourful ribbons attached so it was a joyful thing not a disciplinarian thing.

If I had to raise my voice I gradually brought the volume down so they had to listen harder.

Another trick, mostly while they were sitting down, was putting my hands in the air and wiggling my fingers some would join in and then the rest would follow 4 year olds can't talk and wiggle their fingers at the same time but this probably works better with a class of 30 than one or two at home. I also had a magic wand that really worked - if you believe it it's true.

What other discipline do you give them? Mine have to sit on the stairs to calm down if they’re overwrought. I generally sit with them until they’ve calmed down enough to properly talk it through.

If they’re fighting over a toy, after the third time of being told to play nicely I just go over and grab it. I give it back hours or even days later

It’s very different teaching to parenting though. I can get the attention of thirty students but not my own child

Yes I agree. Although my rarely is probably 4/5 times a week if it’s half term/ holidays

Is it just one child?

No, wish it was

Also, praising good behaviour is the single most effective parenting strategy I have

I’m sure it is for some, mine don’t give a hoot, it’s almost like a challenge to start misbehaving.

What punishments do you implement for bad behaviour? Or do you just shout?

For some reason your avoiding giving ages and behaviours which makes it harder to give advice.

lots of positive reinforcement really helps.

clear routines. Use visual aids to give them some ownership of what they are doing so you don’t need to pester.

Anything I implement they ignore

My experience is that, if you start shouting, then they only listen when you shout (on the basis that mum can't really mean it yet because if she did she would be shouting). Choose your own baseline. If they know that a slightly steely tone is a 9 on the misbehaviour scale then they will pay attention to a slightly steely tone. If you've set it so that yelling your head off is only a 4, then you'll have to keep yelling your head off.

Why are you reluctant to give their ages? Effective techniques depends on ages.

Can’t help if you don’t say ages or what you have tried.
unless this is just a rant thread?

The age of your kids would be useful. I don’t understand why they listen to ‘yelling your head off’ but don’t accept a single consequence. What consequences do you give?