AIBU to expect husband to do bulk of weekday childcare when he’s unemployed?

[eatentoomanygrapes]

Husband made redundant. We have just moved house and only have childcare for one of our kids for 3 days a week until he starts school in September; the other (18 months) doesn’t start nursery til sept due to long waiting lists.

husband doesn’t want to get a job - he has a bit of money behind him from the sale of his late dads house. he wants to “explore a few ideas” he has to set up a business.

I took a week off while we moved house. Tomorrow I go back to work but husband fully expects me to do 50% of the childcare (I WFH but no broadband at home yet).

AIBU to suggest this is massively selfish on his part?

Last night we had a huge argument as he lay on the sofa watching tv - I asked why he has to insist on doing his “work stuff” during the week when I’m working, why he can’t try and do that in the evenings or when baby naps.

He seems to think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect me to screw up my own job so he can sit in the garden phoning people and tinkering away on his laptop. I’m not convinced he has any kind of plan.

if he was applying for jobs it would be slightly different and I’d be more supportive, but I’d also expect him to respect my job.

Yet another selfish entitled excuse for a man

I think I would suddenly need to work in the office from now on.

YANBU at all, he needs to do all the childcare during your work hours and/or find suitable alternative childcare until September.

Can you go into the office?

Didn't even read your post, not working equals childcare. Plenty do it with a full time job!

If there's no broadband at home you'll have to go out somewhere to work anyway won't you? I'd keep doing that, and be in no hurry to arrange home broadband either.

You cannot care for a child while WFH.

He does however need time to explore looking for a new job / whatever business idea he has. Assuming you’re working 9-5 5 days a week, he does need some time within working hours to do this.

You therefore (both) need to find some sort of childcare for your 18 month old. Have you got any family that can help? Might a childminder be able to do a few hours a week?

Until the alternative short-term childcare is resolved, he should be doing all care for the baby during working hours.

Can't he wait til September to start his business when the youngest will be in childcare? That's what I'd be suggesting to him. You cannot care for a toddler while WFH

Oh God please tell him to piss off. Another man with grandiose ideas of setting up a business when its likely to be a miserable failure unless its an ice cream van.
He either gets a full time job or looks after the kids...end of.

No doubt you’ll be sorting out all the laundry, meals, grocery shopping and all of your children’s other needs too

fucking waste of space.

what even is his business idea?

If I had an employee wfh but childcaring then that I would have strong words with them. You cannot afford to be messing up your job whilst DH doesn't have one. So you are at work and that is that. Tell him straight

Go to the office or take laptop and go out. Does he understand you can’t look after child while working? You could end up sacked!

Go into the office nice and early every day. Or to a We Work space or cafe. You need WiFi.

I would not be supporting this “hobby job” bullshit either.

Wow I can't imagine ever needing such a conversation with my dh, when he isn't at work he just dives in doesn't expect me to do it all day everyday

These fucking men!! Where do they get this vastly inflated sense of their own importance from?

I agree with PPs, go to the office or go anywhere else to work and leave him to it. He isn't more important than you

Yep go to the office.

Are you working off your phone's signal until you get broadband? That's what I did when talktalk suddenly decided to disconnect me and didn't tell me for about a week.
He should be stepping up to childcare if not actively searching for jobs.

This in spades. So he’s fannying around not doing much simply because he has the money to do so? Nah he can do childcare too.

Tell him your employer doesn't allow you to do childcare whilst working, as the only one working now you can't afford to lose your job. He's hoping for a nice long holiday living on redundancy but that leaves you doing everything, not fair Op

Yes he can explore his business outside of your working hours, ensuring yoh both get some rest time also..

Childcare comes before his desire to find creative ways to throw his money away.

Your husband is a selfish prick

What was the plan for childcare had he not been made redundant?

Priortise your work, its cheating your employer if you try to work and do childcare.

FFS!!

And I'm a man

Either

Childcare and housework, or
Start seriously job hunting, or
What exactly is this business, how realistic is it and start running it

He's not being very helpful at all but I do partially agree with this. I'm in the same position as your H. Large redundancy payout and taking time out at the moment as I don't want to stay in IT any more. It's time consuming looking for a job, preparing for interviews or even if you are starting your own business that takes time to build. I'm also looking for a part time retail job so have interviews lined up for that. I have teenagers which lightens my load a lot but I think if they were smaller I would struggle to be a available.

I wonder if there is some miscommunication where its been assumed that he will have the children? For example you referred to him as unemployed and he sees himself as starting a business and doing work for that? Are you skeptical of his new business or not seeing it as a proper job?