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Relationships: Denise Knowles and Elizabeth Martyn

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Our daughter is ten months old, but already my husband has started hinting that he wants another child. We lost our first baby when he was five weeks old to a chromosome disorder, and I was pregnant again very quickly - I gave birth twice in 12 months! I can't face another stressful pregnancy, and on a practical level, we can't afford another child. I would like to have a baby eventually, as I am conscious of the fact that as my age increases, so does the chance of another chromosome disorder-affected child.

Denise is a trained Relate counsellor and psycho-sexual therapist, who has been offering counselling and sex therapy in Northampton since 1990. For mumsnet she is happy to answer questions on any kind of relationship or sexual problem. More about Relate.

Elizabeth is a writer specialising in family relationships. She has two children - a daughter aged 10, and a 6-year-old son. She is author of Babyshock! Your Relationship Survival Guide.

Send a question to Denise or Elizabeth.

It sounds as if you've had a pretty gruelling couple of years, one way and another. It takes time to get over the loss of a child, and you had very little space in which to grieve for you son, before starting on another pregnancy. If you feel that you need to give yourself more of a chance to get over his loss, SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society) can offer you support and advice, as well as leaflets and books which you might find helpful. Contact their helpline on 020 7436 5881 (10am-3.30pm Mon-Fri), or visit their website at www.uk-sands.org.

It's very understandable that you would have fears about another pregnancy. You don't give any details about your son's disorder. There is a wide range of chromosome disorders, and the frequency with which they occur isn't always linked to the mother's age. To try and set your mind at rest as far as possible about the chances of having another affected child, you need to know exactly what was the problem with your first baby. If you're not sure, your GP will be able to find out what the precise diagnosis was. Armed with that information, you can request genetic counselling from your GP, or in some cases get it direct from your regional genetic centre. There is a very helpful organisation called Birth Defects Foundation, who can give you lots more information, and put you in touch with your regional genetic centre. Contact their helpline on 08700 7070 20, between 9.30am-7pm Mon - Fri, 9.30-1.30 Saturday, or go to their website at www.birthdefects.co.uk.

You've had a lot of emotional stress recently, and your daughter is still very small. There are pros and cons to every age gap between siblings and, although there are advantages to having your children close together, the down side is that it is both exhausting and expensive. Spreading the load, by leaving a longer gap, can work well for everyone. Don't rush into trying for another pregnancy, particularly if money is tight. Talk it over with your husband - he may not realise how you are feeling, or that you need more time. Try to agree on a reasonable amount of time to wait, or leave it open - you'll know when you feel ready to try again.

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More about Relate

Relate provides counselling, sex therapy, relationship education and training to support couple and family relationships throughout life. For more information click here or phone 01788 573 241.

More about Babyshock! Your Relationship Survival Guide by Elizabeth Martyn

Babyshock! is for any couple who has forgotten what it's like to be a couple because their children have taken over their lives and conversation. Babyshock! is part of the series of Relate guides, and draws on the expertise of Relate counsellors to explain how relationships are affected from the first decision to try for a baby, through pregnancy, birth and babyhood, up to the stage of caring for toddlers and young children.

A thoroughly practical book, Babyshock! shows you how you can: create time for yourselves. improve your sex life, cope with rows, agree on how to bring up the children, share domestic responsibilities, decide whether to have another child, manage the demands of work and family.

With check lists, questionnaires and case histories, Babyshock! will help you keep your relationship alive, and get the best out of family life together.