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Choosing your baby's name

Unusual names | Popular names | Name associations | Check the meaning | Shortening names | Surnames | Middle names | Shortlists

Most of us spend 40 weeks pregnant (even longer for some poor souls). So even if you only count the sleepless nights spent wishing you didn't need to pee again and that you hadn't left the Gaviscon downstairs, you'd think it was more than enough time in which to come up with an attractive name for the little blighter who's currently playing football with your bladder. (And no, Beckham isn't a girl's name.)

But if the posts on Mumsnet's Baby Names forum are anything to go by, the only thing certain about a newborn's name is that it's subject to change, right up until the ink dries on that birth certificate.

Is it any wonder we're so indecisive when so much is at store? Names have huge associated meanings, which is why it's highly unlikely we'll ever see a Kyle crowned King or a Hannibal on Come Dancing. Deed poll aside, our parents' follies remain with us for life, so it makes sense that when it comes to our turn we choose wisely.

But there's the rub - we're asked to make one of the biggest decisions of our child's life at a point where we haven't slept for ages, are ravaged by hormones – and, if we've left it until the last minute, probably have cabbage leaves down our bra.

"I couldn't decide on a name before my son was born and couldn't decide after he was born either. Seeing him made it no easier. My husband ended up naming him. And then seven months later! With the benefit of hindsight, I would really try to have a name sorted before birth as it was a hundred times harder afterwards, with our minds blurred by sheer exhaustion." Choklit

But there's really no need to panic. Kind souls that we are, we have come to the rescue with a quick checklist of things to consider before you decide that Ophelia Payne it is.

Unusual names

Strictly speaking, there's nowt wrong with them, provided you remember that context is everything. Think about the world in which your child is going to exist: if you're at the top of the charts with a multi-platinum selling album and are married to a Hollywood star then you can probably get away with calling your child Kiwi Fruit Moonbat.

The rest of us will have to make do with merely sniggering behind your back - or, if we live in north London and are sending our little darling to Montessori, opting instead for Star or Bear.

"I had to use Blaise for my daughter's middle name even though I love it. You can't call someone Blaise in London's east end. Imagine Bianca a la EastEnders - Blaiyyyse! Urgh!" Nimble

"I love Giselle, but we live in France and here it is the equivalent of Ethel." Lein

If you fancy a laugh at your child's expense but aren't keen on a daft name, you can get the same effect by using, say, an Irish spelling of a common name - for instance Concobhar instead of Connor - even though you haven't got a drop of Celtic blood in you and live in Staines. (Another plus is that you'll never be pestered into buying them personalised tat in theme park gift shops.)

"In Scotland they can refuse to register a name if it is inflammatory/contentious or just daft." Scottishmummy

"A girl in New Zealand was taken into care after a judge ruled her parents had committed abuse by calling her Tallulah Does the Hula in Hawaii." YesSirICanBoogie

"Ask yourself will it be easy to spell and pronounce - both for doddery old great aunts and the child? MIL cannot spell any of my children's names. And they are not hard either. One of them only has one spelling and she still cannot manage it. DD3 has four versions and it is spelt different every birthday/Christmas. If I have another child it will called Sam (boy or girl). No spelling variations (that I know of) and I don't think it can be pronounced wrong either." DoNotAsfinishedXmasShopping

Popular names

Apart from the fact your child will have to get used to being identified by the initial of their surname as a matter of course - "Oh, do you mean Tom B, Tom C, Tom D or Tom G?" - there's a lot to be said for good, solid, popular names that outlast the latest nomclemature fad.

But classics aside, trends come and go. Maybe it's something to do with the Sesame Street generation reaching maturity, but names in recent years appear to have been brought to you by the letter J (Jack, Joshua, James, Joseph, Jacob and, ahem, Jayden) and the sound 'ee' (Ellie, Evie, Gracie, Lily, Ruby).

If you're worried your child will be one of many, hang around playgrounds or Tesco on a Saturday morning to see which names get shrieked the most often and loudest. Alternatively, check out the national statistics for recent years.

"I have a Ruby and I absolutely love it and don't care if there are hundreds around. Every time I call her name I love the way it sounds. We don't have any round here and I am in West London. I think all the popular girls names are lovely and sometimes that makes them all the more classic. If you love it, you choose it. But damn those Kaiser Chiefs." Luckywinner

"I know people say 'does it matter?' but I think if you like a name then it's because it has a special quality to you - if suddenly every third child is called that then the 'mystique' of that name disappears and it becomes an also-ran." Nancy66

"Every baby group and pre-school around here (sarf London) seems to have at least one Ruby and at least one Lola. They're nice names but ubiquitous. I think the pendulum has swung so far that if you want to buck the trend, you should call your daughter Jane or Anne (names of my vintage which seem to have fallen completely out of use)!" MadBadandDangeroustoKnow

Name associations

Much as you might want to tiptoe around this subject, there's no getting away from a name's class connotations or, in this day and age, celebrity associations. Don't believe us? Then visualise the names Hermione and Araminta and see what mental images they conjure. We get straw boaters, pony club ties and lacrosse/quidditch every time.

Conversely, the name Paris brings up something completely different (we're so glad our spam filter is now working). You may not care that your choice of name is overtly pompous, or that it smacks of a Daily Mail-reading, pro-hunting, octogenarian chairman of the WI. Nor may you care if it sounds like a bent car salesman with a BMI of 40-plus, whose concept of fine art is a page three calendar. But it's worth thinking about.

"A friend of mine taught a Dazzyboy. My first thought was 'there's a name you'll only ever hear on one side of a magistrates bench' - which probably makes me a snob, but hey ho." 2Helenback

"I really liked Gabriel but DH said he would rather call our son Archangel." TooMuchMakkaPakka

"I often used to have correspondence with someone called Comfort Golightly. Once I had to pick something up from that office and was surpised to discover that Comfort was a man! I don't know why, but Comfort Golighlty is such a 'soft' girly name!" Bikerunski

"My interpretation of a 'chavvy' name? Made-up names (Kaydon, Zia, Shyanna); surnames as first names (Taylor, Bailey, Shannon); anything that sounds like a character from an American soap (Ashlee, Troy, Jayden) and finally traditional names spelled in some illiterate way: Genifer, Symon, Mellanee etc." Nancy66

Check the meaning

Think you've found the perfect name but just want to check it doesn't mean swinging fanjo in Swahili? Then google it.

Most names have associated meanings - Abigail, for instance, roughly translates as father's joy in Hebrew, which is great if dad is overjoyed at her arrival but horribly ironic if he left you when the test turned blue. And some names actually mean something else entirely (parents of a prospective Candida would be advised to check out NHS Direct first).

Then there are all those celebrities to take into consideration - name your son Johnny Depp and you want to pray that boy has good genes. And then there are others, like Adolf and Beelzebub, which are obvious no-gos.

Hold on to your hormones

If you're seriously contemplating calling your child Moonbat, remember it's the preggie hormones peaking and that your partner is right to say no.

"Say it OUT LOUD. First thing. Make a list and say them all out loud. You'll be amazed what gets crossed off!" Flightattendant4

Shortened forms

Like a name that's a shorter variant of another? Common sense says to put the longer version - providing it's not too vile - on the birth certificate. There's no law that says you have to call your child by anything other than the shorter - invariably cuter - version, but you leave them the option, as they get older, to wheel out the longer - invariably less fluffy - version when the occasion suits. (Essentially, this is the one time when you can afford to be indecisive and leave making a final decision for a decade or two.)

Let's face it, a five-year-old Effie is sweet, but she might prefer to be Josephine when she's running MI5.

"A name that sounds cute as a baby may not sound so cute for an adult. I always imagine them sitting in a bar introducing themselves to someone when they are 21. If the name sounds ok then it's a winner." ledodgy

Conversely, if you do opt to use the full variant of a name be prepared that everyone - school friends, teachers, relatives et al - will shorten it, regardless of whether you mind or not. Johnathon will become Johnnie. Thomas will be Tom and nothing you can do or say will make a blind bit of difference.

Does it go with your surname?

Once you've settled on a shortlist, the next hurdle is how the first name and surname work together - because if ever there was the potential for disaster it is now.

Paige, Tess and Warren are all relatively innocuous. Add the surnames Turner, Stickle and Peace and they become not only legendary but the stuff that classroom bullies thrive on.

"I wanted Phoebe, but not good with our monosyllabic surname that starts with "Bee" sound. (Poor child would have ended up with a stutter.) smartiejake

Don't forget to add any middle initials into the equation (Chris P Bacon, anyone?) or the fact that your child's first name can be shortened (we refer you to our previous Mr Scratcher). Rhythm, rhyme and alliteration should also be taken into consideration. Frankly, A-level English is less of a sweat.

"I had a meeting with a (very) fat man at work who was introduced as "Porker", or so I heard. In fact it was Paul Kerr. Perfectly reasonable written down, but it sounded like Porker." Pinata

Ooh, and while you're playing the surname game, you really need to settle the thorny old question of one surname or both.

If it's going to be one, and that one is your partner's rather than yours, are you prepared for 18 years of patiently correcting the assumptions of teachers, dentists and doctor's receptionists?

Or, if it's to be both, which one's going first? And are they going to combine as one new double-barrelled surname or does one surname get downgraded to a middle name, al la Hillary Rodham Clinton? And what about hyphens? Don't leave this decision till you reach the registrar's office: it's really not the place for a punctuation fight.

Middle names

Middle names seem to serve little purpose - until you're naming your own child and then their use becomes immediately apparent. Here's how to placate your parents/in-laws.

"My Mil is a Florence and dd has it for a middle name, Mil hates it with a passion though." AbstractMouse

You can have the entire Arsenal squad in here if you want to - nobody will ever know. The only thing you need to worry about at this stage is the issue of unintentional acronyms - just what do all those initials spell out? Charles Ramsay Archibald Pearce, beware.

"A friend once worked in a pub where the owner sported a rather gauche diamond-studded initial ring - his name was Vince Douglas." Willow

"My nephew's initials are F.I.R.M. However, his surname is Morgan so when older he will be writing FIR Morgan." Hotmama

"Don't forget what your surname is. Why on earth people choose names like Peter Peterson is beyond me. Also acronyms - Alex Samuel Benjamin Olivers sounds lovely but spells out ASBO fgs." Compo

Make a shortlist

No matter how in tune you and your partner are, naming your child is one area where hitherto happy couples often fall out.

If you can't both agree on one definite winner, then your best bet is to draw up a shortlist of acceptable names and then one of you (and we're not saying who as that would be sexist) should point out in no uncertain terms that the person who has carried the baby for 40 weeks and then gone through a three-day labour gets the casting vote. RIGHT? The only proviso being that you can't use the names of past lovers or current crushes.

"I wanted India to go with middle name Rose, but hubby said it sounded like a hippy selling candles in an indoor market, wearing a skirt made from grass." Natbrum

Get the Mumsnet seal of approval

Still undecided? Make straight for our baby names discussions where you can put your potential list of monikers to the Mumsnetter jury.

It's the easiest way to find out if a name is over-used (for which read 'horribly common'), slightly too unusual (for which read 'precocious, verging on downright ludicrous') or likely to lead to your child not reaching their full potential (for which read 'will be teased mercilessly throughout their entire life').

Be prepared for some forthright, nay blunt, advice. It might smart at the time, but believe us, in years to come your children will thank Mumsnet for it.

"I advise everyone not to discuss probable name choices in real life (MN is, of course, allowed) as someone will always say 'yuck I know so and so with that name' or say something that could put you off a name. Much better to keep your name to yourself and announce it once the baby is born, people can't try and sway you then." Sweetkitty

Signs of pregnancy | Due date calculator | Antenatal health | Tests and scans | Where to have your baby | Labour