One of the most important is to spend one-to-one time with each child. I can hear you laughing already. As the mother of twins I know just how hard this can be. But dealing with the consequences of not having that one-to-one time can be much harder.

Videos can be a great help here. If there's no one else around to help, a quick burst of Spot or the Tweenies can allow you just ten minutes a day to play, draw, read, cuddle with each child on their own. The rewards can be great as each child feels they've had your undivided attention - which of course lies at the root of so much of their pushing and jostling.

At weekends, could you earmark a morning or afternoon for spending some one-to-one time with each of your sons? Perhaps you or your husband could look after two boys, while the other spends fun time with the third, swapping roles and children so each child has some time on their own with a parent?

If you can set up fun activities for whichever two boys stay together for a while, you'll have the double benefit of helping to forge friendships between each 'pair' of children. This is important in any family but especially one with twins, when the non-twin child can sometimes feel outside the 'charmed circle'. The more time your youngest has to spend with each twin on their own, the more healthy, happy and fluid the relationships between the boys will be.

Try, if you can, to avoid you or your partner having 'set' roles as the one who stays at home or the one who has individual time with each child (children can delight in playing power politics between parents. The more you share care and roles, the more you reduce the risks).

As regards wailing and whining, I can't improve on the advice from Christine Puckering, a clinical psychologist I interviewed for our last book, who said: 'Usually the child who whinges a lot is the child who has discovered that whinging works. If it stops being effective, they'll stop doing it.'

It's tempting to reduce the decibel level by giving in to children's unreasonable demands, but try to stand firm. It helps to let the child know you've understood their protest, so they've no need to repeat it, but that you're sticking to family rules: 'I know you want it, and you know I've said No. You can have a biscuit after tea, not before (or whatever).'

Reading books together is hard when you've so many who want to be on your knee at once. I found it much easier to set up activities to keep siblings amused (painting, drawing, squidging Playdough - something that allows each child to focus on their own creation rather than each other) while I read to each child individually. For those times when two children needed a cuddle at once, I found it helpful to hold them back-to-back with a pillow in between. This meant they didn't see or actually touch each other, which seemed to help!

As far as dealing with fights, and forging more friendly relationships between your boys, is there any way you could get hold of a copy of Sibling Rivalry, Sibling Love? Take a look at it on Amazon, to see if it's for you, or order a copy from your local library. It's packed with information and insights from parents and professionals about ways to encourage happier relationships between our children from their earliest days together to adolescence and beyond - and responding effectively when all hell breaks loose (as it sometimes does in every family).

TAMBA (Twins and Multiple Births Association) also provides helpful information and support for parents of twins and more (tel 0151 348 0020, www.tamba.org.uk), as does the Multiple Births Foundation (tel 020 8383 3519, www.multiplebirths.org.uk).

Some colleges running training courses for nursery and other childcare workers can arrange student placements with families with twins and more, to give the students experience of working with children. These students should not be left in sole charge, but will help with their care and can play with one or two children while you play with another. Many parents have found this an invaluable way of finding that elusive one-to-one time with each child. The CHCHE (Council for Awards in Children's Care and Education, tel 01727 847636) can provide details of colleges operating such schemes in your area. You may have to go on a waiting list, but that extra pair of hands may be worth the wait.

Crucially, you also need to somehow find time away from the children for yourself and your partner. Finances are bound to be stretched with three little ones, and with no family nearby, time together isn't going to be easy to find, but try not to lose sight of your own needs under the weight of your children's demands.

Can you arrange an occasional trusted babysitter? Next birthday, why not ask relatives if they'd babysit for a night or an evening as a gift, so you and your husband can go out? Time off together will be very hard to come by, but easier to prioritise if you think of it not as an indulgence but as an investment for the whole family.

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