If you’re a working parent the chances are that the hour or so before mealtimes is one of the most frenzied and scratchy of your day. So why would you even contemplate adding to the stress by cooking with your kids? If you start when they are very young, they will of course learn to give you genuine help in the kitchen later on. But the real reason is the companionship, the sharing and laughter and the remarkable skills they can pick up. Sharing the making of food lets your little helper feel important and can be useful even at 18 months old. This after all is the game they see adults playing every day. You can teach maths, science and vast numbers of new words in the kitchen. Your child can build his confidence and co-ordination. You are unlikely to end up in a power struggle with a child who won’t eat, if that child is involved in preparing his own meals.

For starters
But, there are tricks to it. Don’t start a big project when you’re feeling tired. Begin on weekends or school holidays when there is less rush and more time. Consider how ‘mess-tolerant’ you are and prepare in advance. Put men’s shirts or aprons on kids and plastic sheeting on the table or floor. Cook outside if the weather permits. Give them a low table or arrange their work at floor level.

All steps to do with heat are done by you, but children can be given a number of jobs they can feasibly succeed at. They love ‘washing up’, using a pepper mill, or crushing biscuits in a bag for a tart crust. They roll out dough with gusto or knead bread with violence. They arrange salad leaves with immense care. They’ll stick toothpicks into sausages, snip chives or parsley with blunt ended scissors, wipe up with wet sponges or stir all the ingredients together in a big bowl with a spoon. They will decorate a dish, stab dough with a fork, measure and weigh ingredients, or spread icing on a cake. But you should remain in charge. Simply adapt your favourite recipes by breaking down the little jobs that can be given out.

Safety first
Safety is paramount and it is easier to set firm rules when children are younger. Tie back girls’ hair in a ponytail or bunches – it can become caught in beaters. Make danger very clear. Keep some dedicated items handy for a toddler to play with. In the kitchen your four-year-old can also thread macaroni onto a shoelace for a fabulous necklace to paint – not all kitchen games lead to edible food.

Among the earliest ‘games’ is mixing. (Licking follows fast.) Place the bowl on a low surface standing on a damp cloth to steady it. Cheese Muffins are easy and produce quick results. Children lose heart if a dish takes too long. For a child of six or seven you can encourage her to do the measuring herself, but for younger children give them the stirring job followed by spooning the mixture into the muffin pans. Four year olds enjoy greasing the pans with buttered greaseproof paper.

Five top tips

• Use a damp cloth or sponge wipe beneath mixing bowls to steady them.
• Have blunt edged scissors handy.
• Keep lolly sticks or tongue depressors for spreading.
• Keep playdough in plastic wrap in fridge for handing over when no safe jobs are available.
• Allocate one kitchen cupboard to safe things for toddlers to play with. Change often and lock other doors.

Child-friendly recipes

Cheese Muffins
1 mug milk
1 mug of plain flour
1 mug of grated cheddar cheese
pinch cayenne pepper 3 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt

First have your helper measure out all the ingredients. In a large bowl have them mix everything together with a wooden spoon. Lumps are OK. One child can be greasing the muffin tin. Then they spoon the mixture into the tin, only half filling the recesses. Bake it in a pre-heated oven at Gas no 7, 425oF/220oC for 10 mins. Serve hot and buttered. Makes 16.

Kebabs
These are popular with seven and eight year olds. Arrange the ingredients in small bowls and supply wooden sate sticks. Helpers pierce the food and thread it onto sticks in various ways. Sausages, pineapple chunks, onion pieces and green peppers, or lamb cubes, tomato chunks, dried apricots and mushrooms – as you wish, A marinade can be mixed by shaking in a tightly closed jar and poured over the lamb. Barbecue later or grill yourself.

Chocolate mousse
The perfect ending to a birthday treat. Expensive ingredients but so easy and impressive. Turns boys on to cooking for life.

4 eggs separated (this is quickly mastered with practice)
4 oz/100 g plain chocolate (70%)
¼ pint/100ml double cream

Have your child break the chocolate into bits. In a bowl set over hot but not boiling water you stir till melted (too hot and it is ruined). Remove from heat. Add beaten egg yolks- while helper beats steadily. Whip the cream and child stirs in. Beat egg whites until stiff and child folds in gently with a metal spoon. Have your child spoon the mixture into a glass bowl or ramekins. Chill.

If your child is ambitious and dexterous, dip rose leaves into some melted chocolate kept for this purpose. By coating the underside of the leaf and chilling it, you get a chocolate leaf when you peel off the green one. Make many to avoid disappointment because some do break. They look spectacular and never fail to attract praise. Praise is an essential ingredient to make your child feel competent and not clumsy. The reward is licking the mixing bowl.

Adrienne Katz is author of A World in Your Kitchen (New English Library)