"He was scared of crisps" - and 53 more reasons to LTB

Mumsnetters share their most obscure reasons for ending a relationship - some trivial; some very, very justified (note to men everywhere: never, EVER call it ‘Mr Wang’).

1) He had a Jurassic Park t-shirt

2) He applied moisturising cream to his legs, whilst trying to look seductive. To be fair, he was a male stripper.

3) We had a disagreement about how good a football player Michael Owen is. I don't like football, or know anything about it.

4) He kept a fluorescent tabard and flask in the door of his car, in case of emergency.

5) He wore briefs. He had a green pair and I just couldn't get past a man wearing green briefs.

green briefs

 

6) His chin annoyed me.

7) He queued up to buy Whigfield's "Saturday Night" single on the day it came out.

8) He was rubbish at Crash Bandicoot.

9) Non-removal of socks. Cardinal sin. End of.

10) He made a "nym" sound before starting a sentence.

11) He smelled of baked beans.

12) Incorrect usage of ‘their’, ‘they're’, ‘there’, and various others during text conversations. When he sent dirty ones badly spelt, it was over for me.

13) His mother hated me and thought I was a bad influence; he wanted to continue seeing me but tell his mum he'd dumped me.

14) His favourite all-time song was 'Come On Eileen' and he always had to get up and dance when it was played.

15) He looked like the talking statue head puppet thing from Art Attack.

 

art attack


16) He repeatedly referred to his cock as "Mr Wang". The final straw was when he wrote me a poem and "Mr Wang" was the apparent author.

17) He had a PhD.

18) He held his knife like a pen.

19) His name rhymed with my name.

20) I had the realisation that, because we weren't completely fluent in each other’s language, we would never be able play Scrabble.

21) He thought he was a vampire. He was normal at first but gradually it all came out, in the guise of a 'big secret' he had to tell me. He showed me his beautifully hand-written 'vampire family tree' which he had mounted, tapestry-like, on his wall. It had the normal names of his family along with their 'vampiric' names. For example 'John Smith' then in brackets: “LORD NIGHT TERROR”.

 

vampire

22) He signed off a text message with “wuv woo hunni-bun xxxx”.

23) He didn't like my cat.

24) He refused to name his favourite member of Take That in a lighthearted pub conversation the first time he met my parents as he "didn’t like to involve himself with pop culture".

25) He said 'whereupon' in every story he told.

26) He looked like a crow.

27) He wore moon boots in a nightclub.

28) Mid-moment of passion, he paused to fold up his underpants and put them on a chair.

29) He kept referring to his children as his 'kiddiwinks'.

30) He didn't want to walk to the tube as the ground was wet and his mother would be upset if he got his shoes wet (he was 30).

31) He kept his remote controls in a plastic wallet at all times.

32) I had a dream that he stood on my radish patch. (Not a euphemism).

33) He said ‘lol’ out loud.

34) He danced like a puppet.

35) He said I had ‘childbearing thighs’.

36) Whenever the automatic voice on the metro would say, "stand clear of the doors please", he would say "Oookay" with his eyes really big. So annoying.

37) He texted me in txt spk.

38) He groped my boob and said "wibble wobble".

39) We shared a taxi home and he told the driver not to wait as I was dropped off because he was “going inside for some”.

40) He wanted to hang his collection of John Wayne plates up in my flat.

John Wayne plate


41) He went to Eton, and told me so 15 times in 2 hours.

42) He said to me – "do you know why I let you be my girlfriend?"
"No" <hopeful of something romantic>
"Because you let me do it after a week."

43) He was scared of crisps.

44) He used to cry every time we did the deed.

45) He lived in the same building as his parents, and his mother still ironed for him.

46) He asked me if I would go out with him if he wasn't so handsome.

47) He wore a bowler hat for our third date, teamed with a brown tie-dyed t-shirt. He was an ‘avant garde’ film maker.

48) He called his knob ‘Shakey’.

49) He referred to sex as "boinking".

 

boink


50) He kept saying he was going to 'ravage' me.

51) He showed me his bogey collection in a jar.

52) He wanted me to pay towards his mum's mortgage (as I was taking him away from her).

53) He referred to the 69 position as 'summer of 69ing'.

54) He tried to stroke a squirrel in the park. 

 

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Last updated: 24-Jun-2014 at 11:06 AM