1.  Ravening Beasts

2.  Dolphins

3.  Little Cherub

A grindingly long day on the Trade Stand.  At a coastal Trade Show, so The Man decided to take Son 1 aged 4y 11m and Son 2 aged 23m.  He’d arranged to see another family there so he’d still have someone to look after him.  But it meant getting up and out Early.  After a long summer of boys in pyjamas in front of the telly, snacking on tubs, having breakfast when they liked, it came as a shock.  But we made it out, on time, using it as a dry run for Thursday, when we’ll have to do it all again for School.  Son 2 passed out in the car almost straight away, Son 1 hung on until we were nearly there. I was then glued to the Stand, the family went wandering. Son 2 was tricky to start off with because he didn’t want to leave me. But they apparently had a blast. A fire engine, a pirate stall, food stalls, marine stalls, musicians, singers and all kinds of boating displays in the adjacent harbour. It heaved with people. The Other Family arrived, and we sent them off in search of The Man and the boys.  An Organiser came up to check everything was ok with us. “Fine,” I said. “How about you? Are you pleased?”  “Oh yes. Apart from having to get Security down to a fight between the Toffee Apple seller and Olde Sweetes next door.”

Late Afternoon and The Man, Son 1 and Son 2 were kicking their heels nearby. A colleague rang from the harbourside. “There’s a pod of dolphins playing with the lifeboats!”   An offshore lifeboat and an inshore RIB were supposed to be doing a display with a Navy helicopter in the sea outside the harbour wall.  The helicopter hadn’t turned up - too misty or busy elsewhere.   But who cares… we got to hang over the wall and watch five or six dolphins within 50 feet, surfacing, jumping, surfing.  Both lifeboats manoeuvred slowly back and forth. the dolphins jumping ahead of their bows and across their wakes.  Jet skiers who had been zooming up and down the inner harbour arrived and started playing with them.   We left before the dolphins. The Man had put Son 1’s milkshake in the pocket of his shorts. Then Son 2 had taken a dive… the milkshake erupted, and The Man had to remove marshmallow, milk and ice cream mix from his phone. 

At bathtime, Son 2 just wanted to “Tork.”  “Lifeboat. Monkey. Waved.”  “Yes. You saw a lifeboat with a man on it wearing a giant lifeboatman head and it looked just like a monkey. And he waved, didn’t he?”  “Dol dols. Lifeboat. Bikes. On Sea. On Wah wah.” “Yes, you saw the lifeboats and the dolphins and the jet skis that looked just like motorbikes.  Did you like the dolphins?” “Yes.  Lifeboat. Monkey. Waved. Me.”  He waved his hand.  “Dol Dol. Bikes.” He zoomed his hand in and out of the bubbles in his bath. ”Would you like to stand up please, like a good boy so I can wash your bottom?” “No. Tork.  Lifeboat. Monkey. Waved.” He was still trying to discuss the dol dols as I lay him down in his cot.

1. The Mushroom

2. A New Country

3. Strawberries

“Mummy wake up. I want to paint Nanna’s present.” 0600.  I ignored Son 1 aged 4y 8m. “I want to paint Nanna’s present.  Now.” I didn’t open my eyes. “You’renotsupposedtopaintit,” I mumbled. Itjuststandsinthegardenandchangescolourwiththeweather.” He dropped his full weight on my stomach. “Pack it in! Go away and find Daddy!  Now!”  Nanna’s present is an enormous faux-stone mushroom.  It weighs a tonne, and a colleague carried it from the Trade Show to the car last night. Only when I heaved it into the house did I realise it must have nearly killed him.  The mushroom is in two parts. The stalk, and the cap, which is shaped like a squashed cartoon fireman’s helmet and face.  Son 1 chose it.  It is Very Him.

We kind of planned to take The Boat out on its 2009 maiden voyage, but we didn’t like the forecast. Again. So we drove to the Peacock Playground to meet some Wednesday Friends.  ”And why have we got Nelson in the back?”  asked The Man. He has been away too long.  Son 1, in full Captain Hook.  He chased the Brothers around the playground, and they chased him.  Son 2 aged 20m was Very Tired and very clingy.  A peacock came up to peck for picnic leftovers and Son 2 was terrified.  I crawled through the Big Tunnel with him, three times.  I liked crawling through The Tunnel, just like on Swimming Pool days I like whizzing down the Flume, and at Fairs I like going on Merry-Go-Rounds.  All part of exploring and enjoying this Kiddie Country place that I never even registered for 30 years.

We traipsed round the garden, with Son 2 howling in plank-boy outrage every time we tried to put him in the Big Pram. Son 1 and The Brothers played Pooh Sticks where the path crossed the stream.  Only I don’t remember Pooh and Piglet ripping up the riverbank plants to play.  We moved them on.  We left at 3, and then hared over to see Son 2’s Godmother, who was having Bubbles and Strawberry Scones. Son 1, Son 2 and The Man headed out into the garden, where Son 2 sat on the drainguards and posted pebbles through the grids.   Son 2 gathered fans; Son 1 couldn’t keep away from Son 2’s teenage Godbrother and Godsister.  Back home they ate salmon and new potatoes and carrots.  We were late for teatime again, and the boys were late for bed.  “I love you, darling, I’ll come and see you before I go to bed,” I said, as usual, to Son 1 as I was leaving him.  “I love you Mummy. I’ll come and see you when you’re in bed,” he smiled. “Well make sure you don’t wake me up,” I said.

1.  Quack

2.  Oink

3.  Bullseye

A grim weather forecast for The Trade Show.  Showers, some heavy and prolonged. 30 - 70mm of rain.  Take wellies and jumpers, said the weatherwoman.  I ummed and ah-ed over whether Son 1 aged 4y 8m and Son 2 aged 20m should go. In the end I couldn’t let a weather forecast get in the way of a Great Adventure.  Wonder Nanny and I got the car packed up and off we zoomed. On the way we discussed our action plan. Son 2 was still making pig noises.  The Trade Show is Big On Pigs. But the pigs are miles away from the Office Stand.  Wonder Nanny has never been To The Pigs.   if it wasn’t raining when we got there, we decided, I would take them all over to The Pigs.  Son 1 began a long, loud, annoying protest.  He wanted to Hook A Duck.  We ran into grindingly slow Trade Show traffic.  Son 1 banged on and on about Hooking A Duck.  He sang a song about Hooking Ducks. ”Do you think he wants to Hook A Duck?” I asked Wonder Nanny, “I did hear it mentioned,” she said.

We yomped over to The Pigs. We saw some little cows and calfs first, being walked around a little ring by children in white coats.  A cow walked up to Son 2 and mooed like a lion.  He buried his head in my shoulder.  We found The Pigs and Son 2 was happy as… er… a pig in muck.  We went from pen to pen looking for the oinkiest pigs, the squeakiest pigs, the biggest pigs and the prettiest pigs.  Son 2 oinked at them all, and pointed to the next pen, again and again.  There was, Babe-like, a pig ring. “That one’s doing a poo,”  said Son 1.  It’s never too late to learn a new thing every day.  Pigs have MASSIVE testicles. 

Packa-macked and rain covered, the boys and Wonder Nanny headed off. I stayed on The Stand. We met for lunch. Son 2 was asleep in the buggy.  Son 2 never sleeps for me in the buggy.  Bands blared in the background, people bumped the pushchair, musicians and dancers wandered back and forth.  He didn’t stir.  Son 1 had won a bow and arrow, and a sword on Hook A Duck. After lunch they went off to the Play Tent. I hadn’t finished by the time they got back, so they waited in a rest area.  When I arrived,  some Office colleagues were teaching Son 1 to shoot his arrows at some doors.  Son 2 was swinging around with Son 1’s new sword, also to cheers and laughter from my colleagues. We got home very late, Son 2 clinging and Son 1 screaming with fatigue.  And now they will both rest demurely all day tomorrow to make life easy for me.

1.  Junior Showtime

2.  Long-Standing

3.  Learning To Talk

Days 1 and 2 of The Trade Show.  Son 1 aged 4y 8m and Son 2 aged 20m went with Wonder Nanny yesterday.  They apparently walked round, went on rides, looked at animals (pig and mooing noises from Son 2,) collected stickers, pencils and assorted oddments from stands, had lunch and then went in the Play Tent till I collected them.  Son 2 appeared to have also found a shirt-painting stand.  He was in white linen. I told Wonder Nanny not to worry about the shirt as You Can Get Anything Out Of Linen.  Son 2 was cheerfully testing the theory, with strips and splodges of paint, ice cream and pen all over him.  The children painting in the Play Tent were using washing up bowls to clean their paintbrushes, so there were large bowls of shallow, deeply coloured water perched on kiddies’ chairs.  Son 2 had borrowed a tea cup from a toy box and was using it to scoop out blue water and tip it on the floor in front of him.  Nice.

Son 2 was having a day with Wonder Nanny, and Son 1 was at Nursery today. We got him there on time, which was a Good Thing, and he plopped down, cross-legged, with the other children with nary a glance up at me.  I took a colleague into The Trade Show, and we had a Good Day.  Very busy, great people, saw loads of contacts, walked miles, worked hard, left late. As I was leaving I rang home to tell The Man to start putting the boys to bed without me.  Wonder Nanny answered.  Past her leaving time. ”Isn’t The Man back yet?” “No… I  know he was picking up Son 1, but we’ve not seen them here.”  I rang The Man.  Doing a Big Shop with Son 1. Hadn’t worried about Wonder Nanny and Son 2  because he’d assumed I’d be home.  Oh Dear. 

 Back home, Son 2 hung round my neck, Son 1 screamed and squealed.  “Do you want to go to the Trade Show again tomorrow?” I asked Son 2.  He nodded, made his pig noise, and moo-ed.  He really does understand everything.  His speech bounds onwards: “Up Up Up,” is a new favourite, said mostly with two arms wound round my leg as I try to shake him off so I can get things out the oven. He has recognisable words for bread, toast, butter, cheese, milk, juice, tea, shoes, chair, bath, bubble, bus, book, bear, boat, cat, dog, stop, spot, please, peas, ice cream, chocolate, toes… I must do a proper list one evening. His most used sentence is “And me!”  Which he uses indiscriminately every time I ask Son 1 if he wants something.

1.  Slumbers

2.  Climbers

3.  Numbers

I bought Son 1 aged 4y 6m two new DVDs.  Tarzan and Cars. Two-for-the-price-of-one at Tesco.  Bribery for behaving at the Trade Fair yesterday.  This morning, for the first time ever, I managed to get Son 2 aged 18m back to sleep after he’d woken up at 6am.  I snugged in bed with him; he snugged in bed with me.  He dozed.  I read somewhere that some children are hyper-stimulated by their mother’s presence in bed, and always counted Son 2 as one of them, lucky me.  But this morning, we did it.  His body relaxed, - he’s usually rigid with tension - his fluffy hair in my face.  Unheard of.   And then Son 1 strode in and switched on the lights: “I want to watch my DVDs.”

He watched. I got ready for work.  I went downstairs.  Tarzan was on.  Son 1 was climbing along the top of the sofa back, hoo-hoo-hoo ing.  Television of course has no influence on children’s behaviour.  On the way to The Trade Show, I passed some sheep in the fields.  A ewe lay on her stomach on the grass.   A lamb stood on the top of her back, sure-footed, walking a few tiny steps forward, and a few tiny steps back.  The ewe didn’t move.  The lamb turned round.  All without watching Tarzan.  

The Trade Show went well.  A lovely day, a lovely location. I was in linen and a black straw hat.  I bought ostrich burgers for The Man.  Back home, the boys were playing with a 3 year old friend who’d come calling.  His mum supervised upstairs while I grabbed a cup of tea and some food.  The boys had  been out to the beach, and were pretty shattered and hyper. Even in bed, Son 1 was still playing for more time before lights out.  Eventually, five books later, he passed out.

1.  The Quick

2.  The Quack

3.  The Quest

Son 2 aged 18m can come down the stairs upright, holding onto the bannister with one hand.  Or, if he is in a hurry, he turns round and lies down on his tummy and slides down at top speed. The Man and I watch in terror, but he gets there, and seems unbothered by friction burns.  Son 1 aged 4 yr 6m has got this far without sliding down the stairs on his tummy.  Today, watching Son 2, off he went. Two boys sliding down, The Man and I yelling at Son 1, who started from behind and looked like he was going to bounce the baby off the mountainside like an avalanche.  He elegantly zoomed past him, Son 2 stopping to watch with a huge, delighted grin on his face.  We are a four-storey house, so three flights of stairs.  Maybe we don’t need the stairgates.  Maybe we need a bungalow.

“Wac, Wac.” Son 2 was going mad, pointing at the table.  “Yes yes,” I said absently. “We’ll just get the drinks and then we’ll go upstairs and read some books.”  “Wac, Wac.” I glanced at the table again. Keys, a comic, an FT. Something had made Son 2 think of ducks.  He was wriggling. He was getting upset.  He was shouting.  “WAC WAC.”  “Come on, up we go. Have a think about which books you want to read.”  He burst into tears and lunged for the table. “WAC! WAC!  WAC!”  Ah.  That would be his library book about tractors then.  On the table.   Silly Mummy. Quacks and Twactors have whole syllables in common and I never noticed.  

The Trade Show season.  The Man and the boys were coming with me, like they did last year. A grim trip, with Son 2 wailing for miles.   But when we pulled into car park next to a field full of sheep he smiled, pointed and said “Baa. Baa.”   It was packed.  An organiser told me they had a waiting list for traders, and loads of businesses sold both days’ stock today and were driving back for more.  We fed the boys first.  I had a mega picnic. They wanted only Hula Hoops and Frubes. Son 2 kept running off to a pond. Son 1 was picking up fallen camellia flowers for me. A free face paint for Son 1.  Spiderman. The best one yet.  I nearly asked if she did tattoos.  The family went off while I worked.  Later, Son 1 told me he’d take me to the North Pole and the South Pole.  Through the crowds he dashed.  A stall of sculptures, including three polar bears on a little plinth. “The North Pole!”  Back to a gatepost with a joke penguin on the top.  The voyage included a short cut  through an ancient rhododendron bush the size of a bus.  Fine for Son 1, less so for me with my pink nubuck pumps.  I went back on the stall, Son 1 sat playing with his comic. Then he ran round and fell over on the gravel. Hit his hands, forehead and knees.  He screamed.  We cured him with ibuprofen and a chocolate pancake.  Ingested, not applied externally.

1. Sleeping like a baby

2. The Trade Show

3. The Surprise Run

Son 2 aged 8m slept through till 0630 hooray hooray, thanks to the blanket on the window.  However.  Son 1 aged 3 and a half was woken at 3am by Son 2 shouting in his sleep, climbed into the big bed with us, tossed and turned and felt eyebrows and eyelids, kicked his heels, poked his elbows, chattered, blew raspberries and fidgeted, fidgeted, fidgeted.  The Man gave up and tramped downstairs.  And I ended up issuing threats at 4am.  “Mummy needs to sleep. This is why we can’t sleep with you.  It makes Mummy very grumpy when I don’t sleep.”  Son 1 decided to go and sleep in his own bed.  I set the alarm for 0615 - the latest I thought we could get away with - in case Son 2 chose this morning to sleep through.  

Wonder Nanny came round at 0700 to help us get out to The Trade Show.  We packed up two boys, a sled-load of food, snacks… clothing changes - I still say we should have had a rosette for Most Stuff In Car.  We picked up Mother on the way.  I went on our stand while they went in the play tent and we met up for lunch.  Son 1 hardly ate any of ours, preferring instead to raid Mother’s.  Son 2 had already polished off his lunch in the play tent, and ate yoghurt and Cheerios.  I went back to work and they went off to the bouncy castle and funfair.  I had a reasonable Day One, we had crowds of people in and I had some good discussions with contacts.  At close of play Son 2 had had a sleep, Son 1 was back in the play tent painting, and neither Mother nor Wonder Nanny had seen anything of the rest of the Trade Show.  But apparently Son 1 had a fantastic time.  Wonder Nanny bought him an inflatable England football team hammer.  “He insisted,” she said, with her wide smile.  “I said we won’t have enough money for any more rides if we buy that hammer.  And he said he didn’t want any more rides.”  Back home, The Man was thrilled.  We have all been repeatedly biffed by a madly-giggling munchkin.

It took ages to get Son 2 to sleep because he was more interested in what Granny and his brother were doing in the bathroom and bedroom.  As I sat there, nursing him endlessly in the hope he’d pass out, there was a soft knock at the bedroom door.  It was the Glamorous 21 year old Student, in her running kit, bearing a cup of tea.  Was I going running?  I’ve been to a Trade Show  I thought, and I’ve got to go again tomorrow and Saturday.  I’m too tired.  I’ve still got some Office work to do. “Yes,” I said.  So out we went.     We didn’t go fast, but we did our three miles, and afterwards I was so pleased I’d done it.