1.  Howlround

2.  Clash

3.  Bump

Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht. Alles schlaft. Until Son 2 aged 2 started SHOUTING FOR MUMMY. I sprang out of bed to get to him before he woke Son 1 aged 5, sleeping next to him, scooped him up and put him in the Double Bed between The Man and me.  Granny is in the Big Bed upstairs, and The Man and I are next to the boys. I checked the time on a clock downstairs.  4am. The little beggar.  He tossed and turned and wriggled and writhed. At 0445 I gave up and got up. On the Bright Side. I copied dates from 2009 into the 2010 calendar. I cleared out the mess in my bag. I paid a bill which had been outstanding forever. I ordered school photos. I made the lunches.

Son 2 wasn’t impressed with being left at home, Son 1 was Perfect Child. A long drive in this morning because of the rain. I dropped him off and had another Hard Day At The Office.  I have muddled up Son 1’s Parents’ Evening. I thought it was today, which I could have left early for.  It isn’t. It’s next Tuesday, and already my whole day is jam-packed.  The Man will have to go without me.  Bright side: I bought a new dress from TK Maxx.  There is an Important Office Do on Thursday night.  I took it round to the Godmother for a second opinion. She approved, and provided pashmina and handbag.

When I got home, Son 2 chortled, giggled and clung.   Both boys were excited… there were two plastic bags resting on top of the water in the Fish Tank. Granny has bought four more fish.  Son 1 has carefully considered, and named them Fluffy, Floppy, Zizzy and Sulky.  Friends for Flossy and Coupon.  An instant shoal.  They seem to be getting on ok.   In Son 1’s bag there was an apologetic note from his class teacher. We can’t have the time we asked for his Parents’ Evening appointment. She’s happy to do another day and time if it would be more convenient. Oh all right then.   As you’re unable to fit us in, we’ll re-schedule.  No, no, don’t mention it, we don’t mind at all.

1.  Congestion

2.  Consumption

3.  Commotion

I have still got this bogging cold.  I have to hold my forehead  to stop my head exploding every time I cough - weirdie look, especially with my other hand in front of my mouth to prevent germs spraying. I am stone deaf apart from the crisp packets someone’s crinkling up in each ear, my nose is streaming, I wheeze when I breathe, my face is fat, I can’t swallow and every time I take a step in my clippy-cloppy shoes it hurts my head. But I do not have a temperature so it is Nothing Serious.   We have a Swine Flu Strategy at The Office which involves Not Going In If You Don’t Feel Well To Protect The Health Of Your Colleagues.  So I had a day of people telling me to Sod Off.    But I have Thursday and Friday off for Son 2 aged 23m’s birthday and no matter how hard I hope the work just doesn’t do itself.   And no I can’t work from home because there is a child and a Nanny there.  And God said: “Have a read of Active Conversations on Mumsnet and Stop Complaining.”  So I have. And I will.

Son 1 aged 4y 11m arrived in the Big Bed during the night. I woke at 0630 and went downstairs to make coffee, lunches, breakfasts and put a pile of work and school things together.  I got up Son 1 and Son 2 and they ate Coco Pops.  Son 1 and I set off and got to School on time. “We’ve been hearing a lot about his Fish Tank,” said the Teaching Assistant. “We’ll have to have a photo when it’s up and running.”  Son 1 sat and quietly did puzzles while we talked about him. At lunchtime I went out in search of decongestants and accidentally ended up in TK MAxx.  Stocking fillers for the boys’ brithdays. And trousers, a shirt and a red-stickered cashmere top for me.  There was a beautiful CK coat there but it was, sadly, Too Tight In The Bodice.

I picked Son 1 up and we drove home. “I need a poo,” he said, matter-of-factly, about half-way back.  “Can you wait till we get home?” “No.”  “Can you hold on till Asda?”  A loud, long farting noise came from the backseat.  We stopped in a picnic area.  He’d already peeled off his shoes and socks.  I improvised with an old FT from my briefcase and a Waitrose mag for him to stand on.   He was interminably slow dressing again and getting back in the car.  Back home he sprang inside to find The Man and Son 2 and I posted his efforts in the dog mess bin opposite. i bathed Son 2; he stayed downstairs with The Man working on the Fish Tank. Then I read him Tabby McTat - the new Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler book which we’ve bought Son 2 for Friday. “Do you think he’ll like it?” I asked Son 1. “It’s a bit more complicated than the others.” “He’ll love it,” he said.   When i finally came down after putting them both to bed, the Fish Tank had water in it, the light was on and bubbles were floating about.  We were right. It is going to be good for our stress.

1.  Under The Weather

2.  Under Surveillance

3.  Under Pressure

Son 2 aged 23m’s dramatic, croupy cough rattled out after we’d gone to bed. I couldn’t see how Son 1 aged 4y 11m could sleep through it, so way past midnight, I sent The Man downstairs into the Double Bed, scooped Son 2 up from his cot and took him up into the Big Bed with me.  Mummy Serotonin makes them get better quicker.  The idea of sleeping with Son 2 is always lovely.  I agonise over him snugging himself up in his sleeping bag in his cot - I’m sure Son 1 was in with us most nights at that age. So I dream about Son 2 and I cuddling, dozing, drowsing, in tune with each other’s sleep cycles. In reality? Even ill and exhausted, he’s always up for a party.  PUshing and towing pillows off the sides of the bed.  Feeling for nose and ear holes and sticking fingers in them. And endlessly, endlessly, turning over, crawling, pulling the quilt up, kicking the quilt off… Until: “Son 2!  If you don’t lie down and go to sleep I am going to put you back in your cot and leave you there!”  He laid his little fluffy head on the pillow and went straight to sleep. 

We’d planned lunch with Nanna.  She said she’d brave our colds, so we decided on the Big Town.  We arrived, parked, and went to TK Maxx to look for shoes for the boys. Nanna was left in charge of Son 2 in the toy section.  The Man was with Son 1 in Children’s Shoes.  There was an argument about a grey pair. “He won’t try them on,” said The Man. “I don’t like them.” “Why not?” “I want bright shoes.”  It’s TK Maxx. Their entire business plan provides leftover pairs of orange shoes for little boys like Son 1.  We got him sorted, and I looked up to see Nanna walking out of the open double door and then back in again. “Where’s Son 2?” I asked. “I’ve lost him.” She continued to look round clothes racks. “Where?” “He just ran off!”  I looked for The Man. “I’ve seen him!”  He strode off halfway across the shop.  Son 2 nearly made it back to the escalator.   We got the reins out.    The boys were heavenly at lunch.

On the way back we stopped off at fish tank shops.  The Man is looking at tanks the size of Swan Vesta matchboxes. I am looking at tanks you could pickle cows in.  This is supposed to be a joint birthday present… we have less than a fortnight before Son 2’s big day.  It took us 17 years to decide to have children.  We have asked Son 1 if he’d rather have a rabbit.

1.  The Clash

2.   The Darkness

3.  The Feeling

Son 1 aged 4y 10m has two weeks of holiday left before he starts Reception.  Pang. He cried and clung this morning. “I’ll take more time off next summer,” I said.  Pang.  Wonder Nanny, The Woman I Am Paying To Take My Children To The Beach While I Am At The Office, arrived.  Oh stuff it.   At least they can go to the beach. Son 1spent his first three summers inside in Nursery.    I don’t believe in lyin’  back, sayin’ how bad your luck is…

i did another TK Maxx run at lunchtime, and bought some birthday stocking fillers/random presents for under a fiver. And then went like the clappers in the afternoon so that I could try and get back at a decent time to see the boys.  I didn’t even leave till Wonder Nanny’s finishing time, so I knew I’d miss her, but I was hoping Son 1 and Son 2 would still be up.

Up?  They weren’t even home. The house was strangely still when I went in.  No chatting, no laughing, no shrieking.  No squeals of “Mummmeeee!”  No pitter patter of feet down the stairs.   Just The Man, loafing. “Where are my boys?”  “Wonder Nanny rang. They’re all having their tea on the beach.”  i had a cup of tea. I looked at the paper.  The Man paced up and down. He went up and down the stairs.  “This is like the old days.” Not quite. In the old days I would have come home from The Office and gone straight out for a run.  But it still felt very odd.  Household life suspended, while we waited for two little heartbeats to come back.

1.  ?

2.  >

3.  +

Getting Out Of The House.  The first Good Thing.  One of those mornings.  The Man and I went out with a couple of friends last night for a few birthday drinks and I just didn’t get up early enough. I read to Son 2 aged 1y 10m; he kept suggesting other books and I didn’t like to say no.  I couldn’t find anything.   I definitely had my mobile last night as we left the house because I called a friend to see if she could come out. I rang it from the house phone. No ringtone. Bother, Blast, Blow.  Just what I needed, the hassle of replacing my phone. I called the Hotel With The River View.  Nope, no-one had handed anything in. I went to get my mac.  The phone was in the pocket.  The mac was hanging at the back of the house where there is no phone signal.

The Office was a long, hard, mad slog.  But I did get out at lunchtime and went to TK Maxx.  Hell.  Not the place for a rainy summer school holiday.  Kagoules, harrassed mothers, snappy teenagers and loud and lively Little Ones. Gridlock.  I tried on dresses.  They have some lovely silks, cashmere and linen. But sadly my size 14 days have not returned.  I am in the beautiful clothes in every way except, shall we say, across the bodice.   I have simply got to run it all off. 

I was back home at a reasonable time, and decided to sail sweetly smiling through bedtime instead of my increasingly usual hurry-up-I’m-busy-hungry-tired mindset. It worked very well and we were done by 1930.  I started work, The Man started work. I went to bed at midnight, when the light was still on in his shed, out in the back garden, two-thirds of the way up the cliff.  I should check, I thought, in case he’s had heart attack up there and is lying, slumped over his paperwork, life flowing away… Then I remembered my Positive Mindset.  Off to bed I went. He’ll be fine, I thought.

1.  Waking Up

2.  Speaking Volumes

3.  Tucking In Tails

Teenaged-style lie-ins this morning, from three out of four of us.  Guess which one was up at 6am defrosting rolls for lunches?  Son 2 aged 20m woke at 0730 during my shower.  Son 1 aged 4y 8m, trespassing in The Big Bed, was motionless throughout. He came round when The Man put the telly on… and got him into his Nursery uniform. Son 2 was lovely during his books.  Staring at the pile, choosing which one he wanted.  Usborne Animal Hide And Seek. Twice. Then Diggers.  He had strawberries and apple rice cakes in his tub. “More,” he demanded when he’d finished his strawberries. I didn’t get up, and he ate the rest of his rice cakes instead.

And me. Boat, bed, bus, bread, bath, book, ball, bounce, banana, blueberry, bye bye, baby. Car, cot, cat, chips, crisps, chocolate. Down, down there, dada, door.  Go, grape, hello. ice cream, ice. juice, Mummy. No, nose. oh-oh, peas, please, phone, roller, roll, round, raisin,  rain, ray, shoe,  shark, Son 1, stick, stuck, sweet, toe, tractor, up,  van, water,yes  Moo, baa, woof, snap snap, quack, hoo hoo, sssss, squawk, oink, clip clop, cluck cluck.  The ones I can remember.  He really is a clever little sausage.

I bought The Man a bag from TK MAx for his Business Trip, but it fell apart, so today I had to take it back. While I waited in the queue I spotted a pack of two How Does A Dinosaur books for £4.  Got to really.  For their birthdays, of course.  In September. After The Office, I had another dash across The Big Town to get to Nursery before it closed.  Son 1 seemed very happy and said he’d had a good day.  He fell asleep in the car on the way back.  Son 2 was on fine form, chortling away when I arrived and refusing to head for his bath.  I read the new books to them.  Son 1 was the only one who noticed it was a bit different to the one we usually do, How Does A Dinosaur Say Good night.  We now have How Does a Dinosaur Tidy His Room, and How Does a Dinosaur Play With His Friends.   I am keeping my eyes peeled for How Does  A Dinosaur Earn Enough Money So He Can Buy His Mummy A House And She Doesn’t Have To Work Again.

1.   The Elephant’s Spout

2.   Never Land

3.   Happy Feet

Son 1, aged 4y 5m, having stung us for a Power Ranger outfit, has lost interest in his sticker chart and getting stars for staying in his own bed.  I woke up Whenever, and he was on my side while I was squodged up in the middle.  Son 2 aged 17m woke yelling at 4am, so I went down and helped him back to sleep, and then slept in Son 1’s bed.  Son 1 came climbing in early… and then went into Son 2 when he heard him waking up and crying.  The Man went to him, and I stayed in bed, grimly clinging on till I HAD to get up.  Son 2 cried.  ”I’m taking Son 2 downstairs; he’s hungry,” The Man proclaimed.  Son 1 stood at the top of the landing and bellowed down:  “He’s not hungry - he just wants his Mummy!”  In the shower, Son 2 has completely perfected the art of tipping the water in the top of the Winnie The Pooh tower so it spouts out of the elephant’s trunk at the bottom.  A Christmas Present I picked up in TK MAxx.  18m+.  He has mastered it a week early.  Clearly a Gifted Child.

Son 2 and I snugged up on the double bed to get him to sleep for his morning nap - big treat - while Son 1 watched a DVD.  He chose Peter Pan, and got out the big Pirate Ship, the Lost Boys’ raft and the Indian Camp.  When he chose to wear his Power Ranger outfit to his party on Saturday, I had a mild Pang, feeling we were At Last waving bye bye to the pirates.   Here they are, back already.  We went round to Best Friend’s house for lunch and a play.  Best Friend decided he and Son 1 weren’t friends any more.  Because Son 1 never lets him be the Captain.  After lunch they finally make up and normal service was resumed.  And then Best Friend’s Little Brother put on a film.  Return to Neverland.

Back home Son 1 played pirates, Son 2 played with him.  We bought all Son 1’s pirate stuff when Son 2 was about 3 or 4 m old.  We didn’t know he’d grow up wanting to chew it or pull it to pieces or break bits off.  Nanna came round.  Son 2 played with the Thomas Wooden Railway.  I tried to watch the end of Happy Feet, but failed, and so finally watched it all the way through after the boys had gone to bed.  One of the penguins has a Couch Of Permanent Indulgence.  So do I.  This is Blog 300.  I started it as a bit of CBT - the idea being if you write down the good things that happen, you’ll train your brain off the thinking that makes you ill.  It works.  I look for moments that I like each day… and I’m also much better at dealing with other Life and Office stuff.  And, if I ever backed this up,  I’d have  nearly a year’s worth of little snapshots of the boys’ life.  I’m sure they’ll thank me for it later.