1. Before Time

2.  Lunch Time

3.  Home Time

Not yet light. I am awakened by fierce eyebrowing.  Son 1 aged 4y 9m hanging round my neck, compulsively stroking my eyebrow and fingering my closed eyelids and eyelashes. Vaguely conscious, I rolled over to check he wasn’t on the edge of the bed.  I was on the edge of the bed. He couldn’t get in. He was standing ,slumped over me, cuddling, with determined little fingers going for my eyebrows. I heaved him up and over and he was instantly asleep. I’m not even sure he was entirely awake.  Next thing I knew, there was a loud stage whisper in my ear. ”Mummeeee.   Mummmmeee.  It’s five, four, seven.”  Son 1 cannot tell the time, but he can read a digital clock.  “Go back to sleep.  We don’t get up until it’s at least six something.”  And I wasn’t going to be the one to tell him how soon that was going to be.

One of the men at The Office left today.  He’s going to work Far Far Away.  He’s very young and very special, and we are incredibly sorry to see him go.  There was a pub visit at lunchtime, which is sadly surprising for  us. ”Are we going to a proper pub?” said a male colleague. “We always end up at girl pubs.”  Indeed we were.  Seven men, two women.  Many pints of bitter.  They were all fast, funny and weirdly disparate.  Vegetarianism: “I will eat fish but I have to know it’s sustainable and caught using cruelty free methods which don’t wreck the marine environment,” said a Dark Green Colleague. “I’m vegetarian so I can have a tumble drier,” I said, using one of my latest (not necessarily true) lines. “You’ve got children so you’ve already wrecked your carbon footprint,” said the Dark Green Colleague.  “I’ve recycled someone else’s, so I win,” said The Colleague Who Adopted.

Back home, Granny and Grandad - who arrived yesterday - were in the lounge with Wonder Nanny, Son 1 and Son 2 aged 22m.  Granny and Granddad are staying at The Hotel With THe River View.  They’d been down to The Museum, where the boys coloured copiously.  They had apparently been perfectly behaved all day. Granny and Granddad cannot believe how well they’ve come on. I started putting them to bed, and The Man arrived back from his Business Trip.  Son 1 shrieked at the sound of his key in the door.  Son 2 stood on the landing and jumped up and down for joy.

1.  Early Speech

2.  Trains And Boats

3.  Everyone Else

Marvellous Night My A***.  Son 1 aged 4y 5m woke shouting at 3pm and That Was It.  I couldn’t sleep, I went downstairs and in the double bed next to Son 2 aged 18m’s cot… he woke up at about 4am calling “Ma Ma! Ma Ma!” and I ignored him.  Then he woke again at 0530 and we were off and up.  18 amazing months old.  Wordcount.  Look Away if you’re bored, this is a scientific project.  I am Capturing Language Development.  Ma Ma. Da Da.  Na (for no) Sss (with nodding) for yes.  Aaar for parrot.  Rarr for lion, tiger, bear and dinosaur.  Mooo for cow.  Woo for Dog.  Na Na (snap snap) for crocodile.  Dum dum (”Dump trucks are good at dump, dump dumping”) for lorry/vehicle.  Bye Bye.  Allo.  Meeh for milk.  Oooo (hoo, hoo) for owl.   Ba Ba for beep beep.  Rabid screaming: I am Disappointed.  His understanding is fantastic.  At one point today I asked Son 1 “Do you want CBeebies or The Wiggles?”  Son 2 nodded and jigged.  “You want The Wiggles?”  Nodding.  Off he trotted to the shelf where the DVDs live. 

Getting ready to visit The Museum with the Wednesday Friends, the boys escaped upstairs while I tidied.  I heard boxes being pulled out.  After 15 minutes I went upstairs to check.  They’d pulled out some Thomas Wooden Railway boxes, and Son 1 had started to build a track.  They were both hiding in the cupboard, pulling the doors closed behind them.  We finished the track, they played with two electric engines and I went downstairs again.  Son 1 wore his Captain Hook outfit for the Museum, and we walked all the way down.  Old ladies twinkled at him, and, by the time we got there he was twinkling back.  He played with Best Friend and Three Year Old With His Arm In Plaster.   Son 2 played in the boats, but fundamentally  just wanted to go upstairs, to go outside, to get out into the world.

We all went into Pizza Express for lunch.  Five boys under five, and we got away with it.  I had vegetables, pitta and hummous for Son 2, and Son 1, who was starving, raided it. We had a bottle of wine between us, and wondered whether our lunch was stress-free because the boys behaved, or because we’d added alcohol.  Afterwards Son 2 dozed for about twenty minutes of the walk home.  Son 1 managed the whole walk.  ”I want you to change your mind and buy me a gun to play with.” “No. I don’t want you playing with guns.”  “Everyone else has got one.”  The first one.  Before he’s four and a half.  I’m so proud.    He found a thick stick and played shooting people all the way home.    Where I heard the news from Germany. 

I made roast dinner, Nanna came round.  The boys, The Man, Nanna and I ate dinner.  Son 1 stayed at the table and ate two pieces of parsnip.  It was all very successful.  Until pudding, which was some iced buns/cup cakes I’d bought earlier.  Son 1 ate the icing from the doughnut and Gromit cup cake … and then started careering round, fizzing like a Catherine Wheel.

1.  Where Do The Children Play?

2.  The First Cut

3.  Hard Headed Women

Went down to The Museum with The Wednesday Friends.  We had a full house, thanks to an Inset Day, so the Eldest Boy, in full time school aged 4y 7m could come.  Son 1 aged 4y 4m wore his Captain Hook outfit.  Son 2 aged 17m just wanted to walk and walk.  3 4 year olds, a 3 year old and a 2 year old played, clung to mothers, fell out, fell over…. and the little toddler just toddled.  Out towards the windows.  Down the slopes to the lower floors.  Out to the lifts.  Up the stairs.  And, back down in The Square, off alongside The Museum to where The Man had dropped us all off.  Toddle toddle toddle.   At one point I had Son 1 snuggled up in The Big Pram and Son 2 on the reins.   Son 1 has always stayed close to heel.  For Son 2, There’s Such A Lot Of World To See.

On the way back we stopped in at the Hairdresser’s to see if they could give Son 1 a long overdue trim.  He is now too big for the little cars in front of the DVDs.  Pang.  Where did that go?  He sat on a special older child’s chair, watching Ratatouille, a Gold-Medal winning Pout on his face.  I chatted to the other hairdressers.  We decided they should trim Son 2’s fringe.  We sat him in the car.  He laughed and laughed at the joke.  When the scissors came near his head, he batted them away and tried to grab the hand wielding them.  Then he tried standing up, even though he was belted in.  Then he wanted to get down.  Then he wanted to get into the other car.  I caught his baby hair, and the salon owner put it in a money bag for me.  Son 1 gathered up two cupped handfuls of his hair from the floor and presented it to me.  I needed his hairdresser to tell me: “I think he wants you to keep his as well.”   We gazed in the nearby jeweller’s shop at the lockets in the window.   “Daddy will have to buy me one of those to keep your hair in,” I told Son 1.  “And I need one for my treasure chest,” he said.

Half price food at a local pizza place, so the two other Wednesday mums and I went out for a meal.  We discussed children and men, the days before we had our families,  childhoods, people we know and food and faddy eating.  And had a very nice time.

1.  Get Me Out Of Bed

2.  Get Me Out Of This Museum

3.  Get Me Out Of The Garden And The Bath

Son 2 aged 14m slept till 0630.   Wah Wah Wah.  I went down and snugged in to bed with him.  He wanted to get up.  He span round and round in his sleeping bag till he was trussed up like a fly in a web Wah Wah Wah.  I took his sleeping bag off and That Was It.  I gave up at the point where I was lying down and holding on to his legs as he locked himself horizontally, laughing, hands death-gripping the cot rails to stop me pulling him back into the bed.  We Were Getting Up.  He is iron-willed, he is physical, he is strong and he is clever.  There’s always boarding school.

We went to The Museum with our Wednesday Friends.  Son 2 had a nap, so we got there late.  One Mum was on her way out for the school pick up.  Son 1 and his Friend crayoned. Son 2 tipped the crayons out, finger-walked, and headed for the glazed walls Trying To Get Out.  We had the Captain Hook costume under The Big Pram.  The Friend put it on, suggesting Son 1 be Peter Pan.  Son 1 was not going to be Peter Pan, although he did tell Son 2 he could be Mr Smee.  I did lots of Turn Taking/How Kind/Good Sharing stuff.   Son 1 wanted his outfit back.

We went to a pizza place for lunch, The Man joined us briefly and Son 1 ate well.  We got back and the children played in the front garden.  I finger-walked with Son 2, who held onto the railings, threw the gravel into the pavement, pointed at the dogs and Awowed at the passers by.  Son 1 played on the pavement outside, Son 2 tried to work out the gate latch.  A Mum we know went past with a double buggy, toddler asleep, baby awake.  We chatted.  Son 2 fell over and cut his lip, his mouth bleeding.  Nanna came and I did sausage, mash and peas for tea. Son 2 melted down with tiredness. We put him in the bath and he wouldn’t sit down, howling, reaching, lifting up his legs and looking for a foothold. I have been so desperate to be with my baby, and he has spent my entire day off trying to leave home.

1.  Message from a child

2.  Message from China

3.  New shoes

Son 2 aged 1 was in with me from the wee hours.  He woke up 8 or 9 times and cried every time my head was on the pillow, until I worked out that what he wanted was to snug his cheek/head next to my cheek.  When he dropped off straightaway.  Bit of a breastfeeding thing then. What does a warm, soft cheek feel like when you’re drowsy?  It’s so hard because I am so sure of what he needs and why… but I can’t deliver it.  In cave baby days Mummy could just curl up at the back with the baby, waited on by the female relatives and older children and sleep till Daddy came home with the roast sabre-toothed tiger.  But Mummy’s got to go to The Office and she’s really tired.  Son 1 aged 4 and I pushed Son 2 in The Pram down to the museum to see our friends.  Son 1 sang “Give yourself a pat on the front” as he walked along.  I don’t know whether he’s learned it at nursery, from telly, from Wonder Nanny or if he made it up.  But I am taking it as A Sign, so I think I will.

The Museum was great.  We were there more than three hours.  The Beijing Business Trip mother is back, with a glorious Dolce and Gabbana handbag and five pairs of   designer glasses which had a meteoric impact on the flagging spirits of those of us left behind to endure the collapse of imperialist paper tiger capitalism.  The boys played, the mums got coffee, Son 2 ate heartily.  A very good morning.

The Man rang.  Strolling past The Museum to buy a spanner, at the moment where Son 2 fell asleep in The Pram.  We went to Pizza Express for lunch.  Sat outside - I have a pash for sneaking outside lunches in autumn/winter - with Son 1 sitting in his huge parka complaining he was freezing and wanted to go home.  He was so tired after looping the loop in the Museum all morning that he could hardly walk.  So The Man carried him on his shoulders to the Shoe Shop, where we finally replaced his size 9 playshoes with a pair of size 10 1/2.  Son 1 chose hideous bright blue ones with toys in the heels and matching wellies.  They did, however, give him enough energy to walk the rest of the way home.  Nanna visited.  The boys went to bed.  Son 2 grizzled.  And The Man announced he needs another Business Trip on Sunday.    

1. The Museum

2. Boys stuff

3. Out for Dinner

As of 7am Son 2 aged 9 months had 5 and a half hours sleep in 24 hours.  He screamed last night from 2330 till nearly 3am and then woke up at half past five. We are all dropping.  The Man took Son 1 aged 3 and a half off to work with him this morning because Mummy was getting grumpy - he was only supposed to be going in for an hour because of the Business Trip.  And I got everything ready to take Son 2 out.  We went to The Museum and met up with some friends. The Man dropped Son 1 off - couldn’t stay, too busy.  The boys had a good play, Son 2 joined in and seemed to enjoy himself, and my friend and I agreed that although this is hard it will get better.

Son 2 finally dozed off in the pram as we walked back from The Museum. Son 1 and I went into the shoe shop to get his feet measured.  I think the assistants just look inside the children’s shoes when they’re taken off and add a half size to last time’s measurement.  Son 1 is now Size 9, and luckily there were some size 9 shoes in the sale.  He clutched them to his chest as I tried him in some sandals.  “I want these ones.”  Because they have flashing heels.     He has also been running a stick along railings and shop security grids… he dried his hands under a lower-than-normal dryer in a loo and then kept sticking his head underneath to make it come on and mess his hair up.  When did my baby become such a Boy?

It’ll soon be Mother’s birthday, and  I managed to get a present and a couple of cards, which I think is a Positive Achievement.  I tried to get two photos sorted for presents - one for Mum and one for Son 2’s Godmother… but the instant photo machine in the shop couldn’t do what I wanted so I’ll pick up the prints tomorrow.   Younger Sister and Godfather 2 are staying with Mum, so we all out for an early meal to celebrate.  Pizza.  We didn’t really get away with it because Son 2 was so tired, hot and ill.  He’s usually up for going out for meals and coffees, he likes trying food, throwing food, squodging food and watching people.  Tonight though he just grizzled and groaned, his nose runny, his cheeks red, his eyes watery and his voice VERY LOUD INDEED.      But Son 1 behaved beautifully, and it is always good to see Younger Sister and Godfather 2.