1.  Energy = Mass Times The Speed Of Light Squared

2.  Bonded Particles

3.  Planetary Movements

I have been awake forever.  Bring chocolate.  Son 1 aged 4y 3m arrived in the Big Bed at 2am.  He woke me at 4am, and I couldn’t get back to sleep.  I tiptoed in to Son 2 aged 15m’s room and got into bed.  He stayed asleep, I stayed awake. I  went downstairs at 0520.  Put some washing on, hung some washing out.  Emptied dishwasher.  Made sandwiches.  Drank coffee.  Had breakfast.  Read Sunday Times.  Made snack box for Son 1 after Nursery.  So easy this work and child-rearing thing. Just skip the sleep and the rest falls into place.

Two penguin dances this morning.  Son 1’s was in the bathroom, trying to distract Son 2 so he’d let me put a nappy on.  If a tuning fork lifted its prongs up one at a time, very fast, it would look a bit like Son 1’s rigid-legged, madly-paced tap dance.  And then Son 2, in his usual skewwhiff-didn’t-catch-me nappy, copied.  Laughing, staring up at Son 1 with his “you’re fantastic” look on.  Holding hands, bumping over.  One sight of me approaching with a baby vest and off he zoomed towards the stair gate.

It was just about light when I parked the car to pick Son 1 up.  Two weeks past the solstice and already I can just about tell that the days are getting longer again.  Good Thing.  Spring is on the way, hooray.  The Man and I have worked out why it’s so cold.  It’s Winter.  Son 1 and I headed home in the gloom, a bright, low light in the sky which I assume was Venus.  In the old days I’d know.  We were late, surprise surprise, way past Wonder Nanny’s home time.  But there she was just leaving as we parked the car.  Instantly I mentally blamed The Man - he’s back late, she’s had to wait - but no, she’d been hanging on to see Son 1 because she’s missed him.  Son 2 giggled, pleased to see me, but then exploded into his biggest, loudest, longest tantrum yet.  Being positive, there are probably now several small Universes in existence that weren’t there before.  Pang pang pang.  He was so tired, and he was so pleased to see us, and he just lost it and was overwhelmed with crashing emotions.  I put him in the bath and ran the shower and we got him back in the end.

A bit different tonight. 

I’ve now done 200 of this, which is a reason to be Glad already.  I’ve been back at The Office seven months.  I’m still here, and  I’m still at work.  This time last time I was heading full speed off the post-natal depression cliff, and I’m not now.    Possibly because of The Blog, or more likely the dollops of counselling I had when  I was ill.  Either way I do spend my days trying to be Positive, and spotting the Three Good Things That Happen Every Day.    So that makes me an expert in Going Back, and here’s my survival plan for anyone facing it:

Expect to be overwhelmed.  Accept it.  Don’t moan about it, don’t fight it and don’t try and fix it.    You won’t beat it,  It won’t get easier, no-one will notice how hard you try… so live with it.    There is so much to do you cannot do it all,  so just have that as your starting - and finishing - point.   I am overwhelmed at work.  I am overwhelmed at home.  And it’s fine. 

Because there are special moments.  Son 2 aged 14m, after his MMR this morning.  A heart-stopping scream, cured with a slurp of smoothie.  “Son 1 (aged 4y 1m) doesn’t want to go to Africa any more since his MMR top-up,” I told the nurse.  ”He doesn’t want any more noodles.  He used to want to go on safari to see lions and elephants and giraffes.”  “Uuhhh,” said Son 2, pointing at the picture I hadn’t noticed on the wall.  Showing the ark, and the animals going in two-by-two.  With lions and elephants and giraffes…