A bit different tonight. 

I’ve now done 200 of this, which is a reason to be Glad already.  I’ve been back at The Office seven months.  I’m still here, and  I’m still at work.  This time last time I was heading full speed off the post-natal depression cliff, and I’m not now.    Possibly because of The Blog, or more likely the dollops of counselling I had when  I was ill.  Either way I do spend my days trying to be Positive, and spotting the Three Good Things That Happen Every Day.    So that makes me an expert in Going Back, and here’s my survival plan for anyone facing it:

Expect to be overwhelmed.  Accept it.  Don’t moan about it, don’t fight it and don’t try and fix it.    You won’t beat it,  It won’t get easier, no-one will notice how hard you try… so live with it.    There is so much to do you cannot do it all,  so just have that as your starting - and finishing - point.   I am overwhelmed at work.  I am overwhelmed at home.  And it’s fine. 

Because there are special moments.  Son 2 aged 14m, after his MMR this morning.  A heart-stopping scream, cured with a slurp of smoothie.  “Son 1 (aged 4y 1m) doesn’t want to go to Africa any more since his MMR top-up,” I told the nurse.  ”He doesn’t want any more noodles.  He used to want to go on safari to see lions and elephants and giraffes.”  “Uuhhh,” said Son 2, pointing at the picture I hadn’t noticed on the wall.  Showing the ark, and the animals going in two-by-two.  With lions and elephants and giraffes…

1.  Nightmare

2.  Rescue

3.  Reinforcementsj

Yet another godawful night.  Son 2 aged 1 woke when I went to bed - which was late because I had to work after my friends had gone.  And didn’t go back to sleep till 2am.  I’d been up since 6.  And was up again at 6 today.  But Son 2 listened to The Man on the phone and said “Hiya, hiya, hiya” with a great goofy grin on his face.  And then had an overtired meltdown during breakfast.  I am starting to get a bit vague.  I looked at the  page “Tuesday October 7″ in my open diary at The Office today and took quite a long time to realise the relevance of the date. 

However. Wonder Nanny is back.  Ta da.  She reacted very well to  my telling her that our domestic life has disintegrated in the nearly three weeks since she was last here.  And when I got back from The Office, Son 2 was smiling and Son 1 aged 4 had obviously had a great day.  Son 2 wobbled up and down on his trolley.  She’d had all the musical instruments out upstairs, with Son 2’s animal songs CD and Son 1’s drumkit.  

And The Man came back.  With two Where’s Wally  books for Son 1 - he wasn’t sure about that.  Books don’t count as presents when you’re four.  He’s been looking after Son 2 this evening while I got on with Office work.  Son 2 has woken up about six times.    I am looking forward to a night’s sleep.