1.  Clapped Out

2.  A Big Clap

3.  Clapping Song

Fireworks, flags and fanfares, Son 2 aged 13m slept in his cot all night.  Possibly unconscious with exhaustion after an evening from hell.  I had to leave him in his cot to cry himself hoarse while I put Son 1 aged 4y 1m to bed. Then I finally got him to sleep on the double bed.  He woke up again, by the time I got up there to pick him up he was frantic.  No voice left, heart beating so hard it felt like it would burst through his little chest, face soaked with tears.  I gave him the rest of his (bottled) milk, and again, I got him to sleep on the bed.  And when I went up I just popped him in his cot. Where he stayed.

He can stand now, for longer and longer.  And looks round for attention when he does it and claps his hands. “Applause please, everyone. I did it again.”  He’s gorgeous.  We went to The Beach in the morning - had to keep ducking for cover in rain showers - and then, for various reasons, went over to our friends’ house afterwards.  Son 1 and Friend Aged 3y 11m played, Son 2 stood by the toy drumkit and rumba-d.  He pointed at the dog a lot.  And snap-snapped with the toy crocodile we got him from the Bird Park.

We’d just got back when Nanna came round.  Son 2 was in the Big Pram asleep.  Son 1’s school photos have arrived - they’re definitely worth giving his whole nursery class his tummy bug.   Son 1 watched CBeebies; Son 2 woke and grizzled and griped until I worked out he was hungry, and sat him in his highchair with breadsticks and hummous.  Then they all ate an M and S fish pie I’d efficiently remembered to take out of the freezer before we left in the morning.  I checked the bag to see how long to heat it: “For best results, cook from frozen.”  At bedtime Son 1 and Son 2 played together in the bath, charming and giggly.  Son 1 and I sang “If you’re happy and you know shout ‘we are’” and Son 2 clapped his hands and laughed in a definite “I know that one!”  Son 1 and Nanna went to his room for stories while I put Son 2 to bed. I gave him some milk, cuddled him and sang him a lullaby, and then put him down on the floor while I blacked out the window with a blanket.  As I finished there was a click.  He’d power-crawled across the bedroom  and was out the door looking for Son 1 and Nanna.  Again, a nightmare getting him off to sleep.  Day 5 without feeding him.  

1.  The Nightwatch

2.  Travelling Hopefully

3.  Can’t Catch Me

Another night from hell.  Son 2 aged 1 was up, with dirty nappy.  I’ll leave it, I thought.  He’s got weapons-grade nappy cream on, and he’ll wake the whole house if I try and change it.  And he then, shall we say, produced, again.  The Pampers hasn’t yet been designed that could absorb two of Son 2’s offerings.  The Man heard the racket, and came down to take over at the business end while I cuddled Son 2, to disguise the fact that I was trying to stop his compulsive cork-screwing.  Son 1 aged 4 woke up.  He went in with The Man in The Big Bed.  Son 2 slept. Son 1 hollered for “Mum-meeee.” I went upstairs.  The Man said “Do you want me to go down and sleep with Son 2?”  While I considered, a little voice piped up between us:  “yes” and skinny small arms snaked round me.   

So we all woke up really late.  I rang Son 1’s Nursery. “Take your time, have another coffee, have a lie down,” they said.   All I had time to do was shower, get dressed, get my make up on, dress Son 1 and shoo us out of the house.      Son 1 was given ham, breadsticks and a banana to eat in the car.  Won’t eat the ham = white bits in it. At the Nursery he wouldn’t get out of the car.  Clutching stomach. “My tummy aches. I ate my banana too fast.”  I coaxed him in and called later to make sure he was ok.  He was playing in the toy shop, selling fruit and vegetables.

The Office was a blur today, and I got home well after tea.  Son 1 was distraught because I haven’t made it over to the Wooden Toy Shop to get his bow and arrow.  Son 2 had rejected his baby meal, had demanded the pasta and pesto that Son 1 was eating and was stuffing fistfuls in his mouth.  From somewhere he has got the idea that everything Son 1 eats is tastier than his food.   Son 2 was crawling on the floor so I chased him upstairs on all fours, him laughing and laughing.  Son 1 played quite a few games with him  - and Son 2 responded… which was great.  He’s been so off recently that Son 1 had been starting to whine “he doesn’t like me.”  A great relief all round to find that he clearly does. 

1.  Breakfast

2.  Balls

3.  Books

Son 1 aged 3y 10m got banned from watching telly this morning for wiping buttery fingers on my work dress yesterday.  Rubbish punishment - not near enough to the crime for him to remember… and also utter hell for The Man and me, charging around trying to get ready with a wailing, screeching, grumpy, sulking little horror.  Run out of bananas, so Son 2 aged 10m had to have porridge and strawberries.  Son 2 always has weetabix, yoghurt and banana for breakfast.  He wasn’t impressed by the change and refused it after 3 spoonfuls.  This evening I looked at Wonder Nanny’s diary of the day.  Son 2 ate all his breakfast.  10 months old and he is also behaving better for the nanny than for us.

I seemed to see very little of them today because I went to The Office early.  When I got back we let them stay up a few minutes longer.  The Man was playing ball with Son 2. Which sent Son 1 doolally, so he started to sabotage the game.  So all four of use ended up sitting on the kitchen floor, bowling the ball to each other.  Son 2 doing his yogic bouncing with excitement.  Son 1 skidding all over the floor. Family harmony lasted about 5 minutes before Son 2 came crawling over to me, and Son 1 flopped down between us to stop him getting there.

Did 6 baby books with Son 2 before his bath - first time for ages. I think it helps them talk.  Although I don’t know why I want son 2 talking if his brother is anything to go by.  This morning he argued that he should be allowed to watch telly: “It will keep me complicated.”  Bit of a confusion between “complicated” and “occupied,” charming in a 3 year old but I can’t see how it’s happened. Son 2 has no attention span and corkscrews off or lurches towards my boobs.  But he does, at last, like sitting on the bed with me, which is a start.   

1.  Breakfast

2. Pat pat pat

3. Forgiveness

Had a veggie sausage sandwich for breakfast while I looked at the paper.  Son 2 aged 10m was asleep - he is crashing out again soon after his milk feed at the moment.  Might be related to the hours he spends awake at night.  Son 1 aged 3 y 10m was upstairs on the big bed, wrapped up in the quilt, watching telly.  The Man was heading out on a Business Trip that was going to be one night, but may now be more.  I told Son 1 we’d aim at walking into The Town, but it never stopped raining.

I played pirates with Son 1 for a bit while Son 2 was asleep. Not for long enough, and I did more mending and sorting than playing.  When I was on maternity leave we had long and involved stories and battles, which Son 1 just wants to return to.  But we can’t because now Son 2 crawls (pat pat pat pat) and eats everything it’s just too dangerous.  I think it’s very hard for Son 1 when The Man is away.  Son 2 takes such a lot of effort… and Son 1 longs to play with me.  We did ok because Son 2 had three short naps today, but Son 1 needed longer.   

I still don’t know how stay-at-home mums do it.  All I seemed to do today was laundry, cooking, cleaning and tidying up toys.  Why is it supposedly better for small boys to watch women do that all day than to go nursery?  How do people get time to glue pasta into collages and make muffins? Bathtime, I played peepabo with Son 2.  When I put Son in the bath, he wanted to play too.  So, me lying on the bathroom floor, peering up at the top of the bath.  First one little fist, then another appears at the top.  Son 2 with his three teeth up, two teeth down smile, looking down at me with the light behind his head.  Next to him, Son 1’s head, laughing and laughing, “Let’s do it again!” This is seconds after I’d told him off for screeching and hurting my ear.  “Let me off like Wendy and Tinkerbell,” he said.