1.  Splashback

2.  Flashback

3.  Backtrack

Son 2 aged 20m came in the bath with me this morning.  This was a Good Thing. From when he was tiny, Son 2 lay on his feeding pillow watching me in the shower.  Then he sat up and watched me i in the shower. Then he crawled towards the bath.  Then he pulled himself up.  And then he used to play in the water, every morning, while I showered and washed my hair.  Always. At some point recently he wouldn’t come in with me any more.  I can’t remember when. Son 1 aged 4y 8m had started watching DVDs downstairs instead of Ben 10-style CItv upstairs… and Son 2 was interested in some of them.  Or he was playing with toys.  I’ve given him the choice, and off he’s gone.  This morning we read 5 stories, and he decided to come in with me.  Played with his new watering cans, didn’t want to get out. Nice to have him back.

I went for coffee with a Colleague on maternity leave.  An eight month old little girl in the pushchair with us.  I held her, and realised I simply couldn’t remember either of the boys at that age.  So I’ve been back a year in the Blog.  http://mumsnet.com/blogs/serenedays/2008/06/09/before-7am/ On June 9 2008 I’d just had an awful night with Son 2 screaming for me, so bad that I’d left him alone in the small hours and gone downstairs to make a cup of tea.  The following day I took him to a cranial osteopath.  Now he sleeps through the night, every night.  He can cry when I put him down, but never for more than 5 minutes. And today he went to sleep without crying when I left.  It all passes.

 Son 1 is mad about a Nick Sharrett book called “You Choose.”  It came from Nursery in his Bookstart box, and we start off choosing where we are going to go, what sort of house we will live in, who our family and friends will be, our furniture, clothes, food, transport, jobs, hobbies and bed.  Well, I choose, and Son 1 says “I’m coming with you.” Tonight we chose a tree house in a forest near a village.  Then we did Pumpkin Soup, A Pipkin of Pepper and Delicious. Then I asked: “Did you get the book for me?”  Oxfam, again, had a book in the window about a child with Son 2’s (unusual) name.  http://mumsnet.com/blogs/serenedays/2009/04/29/well-done-mummy/ Son 1 and I had it from the library when I was pregnant.  It may have been where I first got the name idea.   I’d asked Wonder Nanny to get it.  “Yes.”  “Did you read it?” “Yes.”  What are the chances of Oxfam, a few hundred yards from our house, putting two children’s books in the window, both featuring the same very unusual boy’s name?   There is glue holding this world together.

1.  Writing

2.  Talking

3.  Reading

I have been back at The Office, full-time, for One Whole Year.  I just read my blogs from March last year.  Pang.  Little six-month-old Son 2.  I know I’ve done brilliantly keeping at work, keeping well, keeping everything together and keeping time with the boys sacred.  Keeping at The Blog, which I think has helped ward off depression.   But Pang Oh Pang.  You really don’t get it back, do you?  Thankfully I have a week off now, which is why I’m writing this so late. It always takes me forever to finish on Fridays before I have leave.  Stinking cold.  Exhausted. And I’ve been reading a year ago, when I was hoping to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes.  Wouldn’t it be great if you lost weight wnen you cut down on your sleep?  Much fairer to mothers.

Little 18 month old Son 2 is sliding down the stairs on his tummy now.  Fast. With a daredevil grin.  A year ago he was just on solids, and just had his first teeth.  Now he wants the Wiggles on the telly, he wants a smoothie from the shopping, he can say bear, and ba (for bath, sheep and ball) and dum dum for dump truck and di di for digger.  And bye bye and mama and hallo, and mi for milk. And snap snap for crocodile. Accompanied by a dance. And a point at the DVD pile. 

Son 1 aged 4 y 6m finished at Nursery for Easter today.  He lay on his bed this evening and looked up at his animal alphabet wall chart, sounding out the start of all the letters.  Foxed a bit by N. And baffled by Q.  He also for the first time stopped me in a story to sound out the letters of a word m-on- k-ey.  I was thrilled, but none of it is anything to do with me.  I’ve deliberately not taught him to read because I Do Not Believe In Forcing Boys To Read Too Early. It Will Put Them Off.  Nothing to do with never having a minute to sit down with him.  26 letters and 40ish sounds?   I haven’t got the time.  Just that year.  Sitting in cyberspace. Maybe one day he’ll read about himself.

1.  Life Of Mammals

2.  A New Best Friend

3.  Coming Out Of The Shell

Up a little later.  Linked to going to bed a little later.  At about 2am, after Turkey Casserole for 9.  All right then, for eight, because we had a no-show.  All right then, for six, because there were two vegetarians.    We’ve served up Turkey Casserole about now for years, and the fact we can still do it is a Good Thing.  BC we weren’t bad at having People Round.  And now we’re… still doing Turkey Casserole, hooray, what a positive blog this is.  So the pace was a little slower first thing.  Even Son 2 aged 15m slept in till 8am.  A telly morning.  Of course, we only watch Nature Documentaries,  so Son 1aged 4y 3m watched whales on Life of Mammals, spellbound.  Son 2 pointed at the screen and opened and closed his mouth like a fish.  He climbed into Son 1’s Tower of Doom, sat in it and then couldn’t get out.

Son 2 has an Elegant Aunt, who gave him a tasteful pullalong wooden snail for Christmas.  He mastered it today.   The telly watching allowed him to make many many laps of the lounge.  Son 1 unleashed hell, often,  by taking it off him.  The snail has been in the kitchen, in the lounge, and was finally taken upstairs at bathtime.  It was still being towed it back and forth while Son 1 was in the shower.  I had to thwart a conspiracy to put the snail in the bath.  Son 2 likes Monkey Puzzle and The Gruffalo.  Snail and The Whale day, I thought.  Touch and go.  Not that interested.  Liked the penguins, the bear, the stranded whale and the fire engine.  Then realised you’re allowed to drive your snail back and forth over the pages every time the word “snail” is mentioned.  Now you’re talking.

I went out for a run.  I’ve made lots of excuses to myself over the past week, too tired, too busy, Granny and Granddad here, too late.  The main reason has been the wind.  Too Cold.  So I wrapped up in big thick hat, gloves and gilet and overboiled.  To the Bridge Over The River and back.  The pace at the end of the day was also slow.  I thought about The Blog, and I thought about Mumsnet.  I parked my Blog here without asking, I lurk on the threads, I learn loads and offline I am often talking about the things I see here.  It makes a huge difference to me.  It is A Good Thing.

1. Benefits

2. Costs

3. Lions

100 posts.  That’s a reason to be cheerful.  I started this nearly four months ago, just before I went back to The Office. The idea was to finish each day thinking about 3 positive things. I work for 2 hours 4 evenings a week, so it’s also a way of tuning The Office out and putting my boys back in my brain before I go to bed.  What I’ve found is I also dwell on the good points as they happen in the day “That was really nice, I’ll put it in the Blog as one of my three best things.”   And it’s also good for re-writing the day - even where I’ve had a hard time, if I’ve still found three positive things, I think I beat myself up less.  Which all must be helpful in keeping post-natal depression from swooping in like it did last time.   I also like the record I’ve now got of this time in the boys’ lives.     I picture them reading it in years to come.  And then I remember the Frasier episode where he finds his mother’s diary from when he and Niles were children. 

It does though take me about 30 minutes each night.  That might be my telly time… sometimes it’s sleep.  And the pile of household admin I have left undone is horrible.    Although…  our mortgage went back onto variable rate in May, and I’ve not had any time to look for anything cheaper.  But it said in the paper this week that banks are starting to offer better deals now.  So maybe I saved money by not tying us into something expensive at the peak of the squeeze.  And I haven’t done Son 2’s child trust fund.  But I would probably have put that into equities, and shares have dived.  Taking no action saved money and time.  So if I didn’t do the blog, I’d lose money, and I wouldn’t have any extra time in practice.  I’d better keep going.

Son 2 aged 10m is a lot better, so at last I got back to The Office for a full day.  Wonder Nanny arrived, and surveyed the wreck of our family left by Hurricane Trots.   Son 2 clingy and crying with tiredness.  Son 1 over-excited, jitteringly insecure  and behaving badly.  And instantly decided to take them out for the day.  They went to the Peacock Playground.  When I arrived home, Son 1 demonstrated Son 2’s new party trick.  Son 1 presses the lion button on the Fisher Price zoo.  Raaaaaaaaa.  And Son 2 goes:  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.  When he’s older, he’ll want to know how good he was in babyhood at copying lion noises.  It will be interesting for him when he is rearing his own children.  Although if he leaves it as late as we did, that won’t actually be until 2050.