1.  Writing

2.  Talking

3.  Reading

I have been back at The Office, full-time, for One Whole Year.  I just read my blogs from March last year.  Pang.  Little six-month-old Son 2.  I know I’ve done brilliantly keeping at work, keeping well, keeping everything together and keeping time with the boys sacred.  Keeping at The Blog, which I think has helped ward off depression.   But Pang Oh Pang.  You really don’t get it back, do you?  Thankfully I have a week off now, which is why I’m writing this so late. It always takes me forever to finish on Fridays before I have leave.  Stinking cold.  Exhausted. And I’ve been reading a year ago, when I was hoping to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes.  Wouldn’t it be great if you lost weight wnen you cut down on your sleep?  Much fairer to mothers.

Little 18 month old Son 2 is sliding down the stairs on his tummy now.  Fast. With a daredevil grin.  A year ago he was just on solids, and just had his first teeth.  Now he wants the Wiggles on the telly, he wants a smoothie from the shopping, he can say bear, and ba (for bath, sheep and ball) and dum dum for dump truck and di di for digger.  And bye bye and mama and hallo, and mi for milk. And snap snap for crocodile. Accompanied by a dance. And a point at the DVD pile. 

Son 1 aged 4 y 6m finished at Nursery for Easter today.  He lay on his bed this evening and looked up at his animal alphabet wall chart, sounding out the start of all the letters.  Foxed a bit by N. And baffled by Q.  He also for the first time stopped me in a story to sound out the letters of a word m-on- k-ey.  I was thrilled, but none of it is anything to do with me.  I’ve deliberately not taught him to read because I Do Not Believe In Forcing Boys To Read Too Early. It Will Put Them Off.  Nothing to do with never having a minute to sit down with him.  26 letters and 40ish sounds?   I haven’t got the time.  Just that year.  Sitting in cyberspace. Maybe one day he’ll read about himself.

1. Celebration

2. Achievements

3. Hints and Tips

This one is going to be a bit different.  I have now been back at work three months, and we are all still alive.  So.  A celebration, because this is a positive blog.  Writing down your blessings before you go to bed is, in varying forms, a technique they use in some kinds of  therapy. I was ill with post-natal depression after Son 1 aged 3 and a half was born, and I don’t want to go through that again.  So I diligently tap away at this last thing, and I read everyone else’s too - I really like all the windows into other family’s worlds.  That’s why I update this every day if I can. It’s medicinal. 

What have I achieved?  I’ve done three months’ full-time work at The Office.  I’ve worked 2 weekends on Trade Shows.  I’ve employed Wonder Nanny myself and learned how to do her tax and NI.  I got Son 2 aged 9m a passport so we could all go to Portugal.  I organised Son 2’s christening, everyone had a great time and we raised £265 for a local good cause.  I’ve sorted out the Posh, Inconvenient Nursery for Son 1 in September.  We got some money back from Eon when we finally got round to reading the meters.  I’ve dropped Son 2’s lunchtime feed - it is 5 weeks today since I last fed him in the daytime.  I’ve run reasonable regularly.  I’ve worn some size 14 clothing.  I’ve managed on my own when The Man has been away.  And, back to this blog, I’ve now got a detailed record of the last three months of my sons’ lives.

Hints and tips for anyone else going back?

1.  Accept it’s going to be hard.  Overwhelming.  But you’re stronger than you think - you already did a nine month physical marathon growing a child; you’ve done a six/nine month mental and physical biathalon combining sleep deprivation, feeding/changing baby and captaining the rest of the team… and now you’ve got one more hurdle.  You can do it.

2. Make the most of the people at work.  There’s always someone there who’ll make you laugh/stop you feeling sorry for yourself/help you out/tell you they don’t know how you do it/buy you a coffee/lend you a book.

3. Don’t expect to make any money.  It’s all going to go, on paying the bills and on childcare.  But it won’t always be like this.

4. Take as much time off as you can.  You can ask for flexible working and you can ask for unpaid leave.

5.  Remember women have always worked, everywhere.  In the mills, in the fields, in the factories.  Or beating/sweeping carpets, washing clothes and nappies in twin tubs, having babies every year…  our children have been born to educated women in a first world country.   They’ll be ok.   

1. Back to work

2. The zoot suit

3.  The bunch of flowers

My three good things today dominated by just one.  I went back to The Office.  Got there on time, looked and sounded the part.  Left, collected children, went home.  Just got to do that another 235 times a year and this working mother bit will be sorted.  Easy.

I was able to get into only two things this morning, and one of those was the car.  The only thing that fitted was a bargain designer suit I bought last year when I was five months pregnant.  So I was a bit more formally dressed than I’d intended, but when I arrived at The Office there were two charming and cheerful men in suits from HQ there asking a lot of questions about the day-to-day running of the department.  I made my excuses and left when I felt a wet patch beginning to form on the right breast of my jacket.   

The Man sent a large bouquet to The Office to welcome me back to work.  Admittedly after a few subtle hints: ” Do you remember last time I went back you sent me a bunch of flowers at work and I really really really liked them?”  They nearly made up for the nursery nurse telling me that Son 2 aged 6 months and 2 weeks had cried all the time he hadn’t been asleep.  “It isn’t working, having a nanny one day and then having him here.  He hasn’t got time to get used to us.”  I’d like to see if things settle down over the next couple of weeks, I said.  “Well if that’s what you want.  It’s him I feel sorry for.  I just don’t like seeing him distressed.”   Have a good weekend, I said.