1. Hazard Lights
2. Full Beam
3. Festival of Lights
Standing in the rain under a Tennent’s Pilsner umbrella, we waved The Man off on his Business Trip. He was being super-efficient, walking to pick up the car, and then coming back to get his bags. Car double-parked outside, colleague waiting in the car, whizz in… “Daddy are you doing this dot-to-dot with me?” “I haven’t got time, I’ve got to get on.” Son 1 aged 4y 1m had brought his Big Activity Book downstairs specially. Engine off, hazards on, colleague into the house and waiting while Son 1 and The Man joined the dots on Princess Jasmine and Aladdin.
Son 2 aged 13m was scooped up by Wonder Nanny, and Son 1 and I sherpa-d bags into the car. Horrible weather, and the roads teeming. Son 1wants to be Star Of The Week. “What do you have to do to be Star Of The Week?” “Be smiley. ” ”You’re my Star Of The Week,” I told him. “You’ve done seven good things and the day hasn’t started. You got dressed nicely; you were brave when Daddy went. You cuddled Son 2 nicely; you were good when we were reading his books. You stopped watching telly when I said, you ate your breakfast and you put your coat on straightaway.” Son 1 beamed in his car seat.
After Nursery, Son 1 wouldn’t hold my hand in case it ruined the henna tattoo on his palm. His friend’s Mummy did it when she came in to talk about Diwali. At the roundabout three miles from home he bellowed: “I need a poo!” “We’ll be home in a minute, can you wait?” “No.” “Well don’t worry, we’ll sort you out.” “It’s coming Mummy!” “All right darling, Mummy will find you a loo.” “I’m going to burst!” “There are some loos just by these traffic lights up here.” Red. For ten hours. Green. We pulled off into a quayside car park, and I scooped him up to some public loos. Locked. It was dark. It was raining. “I need a poo!” I fetched yesterday’s Sunday Times from the car, found him a semi-secluded spot, spread it out on the tarmac, pulled down his trousers and held him while he performed. And completely forgot that little boys doing poos tend to wee as well, so his trousers and one fancy school sock were soaked. Back home I could only find one sock. It is either on the quayside, or, lying, wringing wet with wee, in my car. And because it is a fancy school sock, if it isn’t stinking my car out all night, I shall be peering around the Quay tomorrow at first light looking for it.
Tags: Aladdin, business trip, Diwali, dot-to-dot, good behaviour, henna tattoo, i need a poo, public loos, Star of the week
