Look, I’m sorry to bang on about credit crunch but, hey, it’s unavoidable. I have now received a letter from my accountant (accountant? I hear you say. Yes, I do have one even though I no longer seem to have a salary) suggesting that I move my money from one bank into another. According to him - and to Robert Peston who I had a very weird dream about last night - we should all be with HSBC. In my dream, this is exactly what Robert Peston was saying. I was on my way somewhere (where? Does anyone ever know where they are going in their dreams?) on a train and sitting next to me was Peston. On the other side was the head of Lloyds whose name is, I think, Victor Blank. Anyway, they were talking across me as if I didn’t exist and all I could hear them say was, ‘the only way out is HSBC’.
Consequently I was most surprised when my accountant wrote to me saying the same thing. For a while I thought I was still dreaming - although, having said that, I have never dreamed about my accountant before - but then I realised it was a Wednesday morning. Wednesday mornings have, over the past three weeks, taken on a terrifying significance for me. For it is on a Wednesday that I drive to my local town and get weighed. There I stand with all sorts of other women and one man, in my Weight Watchers queue, debating whether to put my car key in my jeans pocket (will that tip the scales? how much does a car key weigh?) or whether or not to take my sunglasses off my head. And that’s not even extreme. I watch as women basically disrobe and stand on the scales in virtually nothing but their knickers and bras and they have no shame about it at all.
And why is this? It’s because we all want to lose weight. We all have a problem with our weight. That is what our Leader says (all WW classes have a leader). It has taken me a long time to admit this. For the past year I have been suffering from some kind of body dysmorphia. Whereas some people - ie my friends and family - have seen me for what I am (an overweight mother-of-four) I have been suffering under the illusion that I look good. I have managed to maintain this illusion by avoiding mirrors and shops and clothes. I have said things like, ‘once the baby is two, I’ll be back in shape.’ The baby is 18-months old now and I am nowhere near any recognisable shape at all apart from, perhaps, a big round apple.
So, shall I confess what size I am? A 14-16 (more of a 16). I am, or was, 14st 4lbs. My boobs are 36 FF. After I gave birth to my first son 12 years ago I was 12 stone the day after I had him and I thought that was huge. Since then, I have had three babies in five years and pile don over two more stone. That is my excuse - although it is also, actually, a valid one. However, it cannot carry on. I am way over my ideal BMI weight (max 12 2) and am probably obese if not morbidly obese. I have tried to diet on my own and failed.
But now I have joined WW, I know exactly why I failed - it’s because it’s so godammed hard. It’s not just the dieting that’s the problem, it’s the change in lifestyle and the exercise and the everything else. Tonight, for example, I had a tiny portion of lamb stew for dinner accompanied by a rice cake. What the hell is actually in a rice cake? It tasted like polystyrene. For lunch I had an egg. Yes, one egg and also some salad. For breakfast I had a Baby Bear portion of porridge made with skimmed milk (ie water with colouring in it). When I am hungry, I eat sticks of carrots and celery. When people ask my husband and I out for dinner, I agree to go and then spend the whole meal picking at portions of fish and pushing the bread basket away.
I have actually tried to evolve a way of effectively keeping a social life without putting on weight. I was at a wedding in France once a long time ago. It was very posh and lots of very beautiful women were there. I watched one at the lunch table. She took a relatively decent portion of food but then didn’t really eat any of it and no one noticed it bar me. Her trick was to raise a fork full of food to her mouth but then get involved in such an animated conversation that the fork would eventually be put back on the plate without a morsel being touched. Obviously her radiant beauty and ability to hold a fascinating conversation helped, but it was a technique she had obviously honed down to a tee over the years.
Last weekend, this trick did not work for me. I waved the goats cheese on my plate around for a full five minutes, nibbled the end of it, popped it back on my plate and hoped that no one round the table would notice. Not a chance. ‘WHY AREN’T YOU EATING?’ screeched my friend at me. ‘YOU ARE BEHAVING LIKE A SPARROW!’ I then had to admit I was on WW and it put everyone’s nose out of joint. By the time we got home my extremely drunk husband said, ‘you’re no fun any more you know.’ I almost replied, ‘yeah, well, neither are you,’ but he’d turnd over and passed out by then.
Does it all seem worth it? Yes when, in the first week, I lost 4lbs and 6lbs in the second. I was made Slimmer of the Week and I had to get up and make a little speech. But last week, I lost only a pound. One measly pound! When I think of all the things I have turned down….the ruined evening last weekend, the one of the sparrow-eating. Christ, I didn’t even eat my son’s chocolate birthday cake. People keep telling me my weight has ‘plateaued’. How can that be? The theory seems to be that, if your body thinks you are starving, it keeps fat supposits on you so you don’t die. How can this be? I mean, people seriously do die if they don’t eat. People in Ethiopia don’t have fat supposists on them. They’re just bloody thin and malnourished. Can these people seriously be saying that, if I stop eating altogether, I won’t lose weight? It has to be nonsense.
Then again, a lot of what people say about weight loss and weight gain is rubbish. The reason why I am overweight is that I eat too much and I drink too much, ergo if I eat less and drink less I should lose wieght, yes? Then why one measly pound? That pound is bugging the hell out of me.
This week I am determined to be better. I have, in an effort to shift more than one pound, started exercising. This week I have cycled 10 miles (not all at once), done an Ashtanga yoga class, one Pilates class, one Boxercise session and I’ve ridden my friends horse which was exercise for him but perhaps not me. Oh, and I walked the dog for two hours. I have, however, done no work and no work means no money so…I am back where I started.
PS I can’t decide whether this current economic climate is a good thing re weight loss or not. On the one hand, now we are all poorer and about to lose our life savings, it might mean we are buying less food. I seem to be existing solely on zero points cabbage soup - ie I can eat vast vats of it and not put on a pound apparently. It consists of cabbage, cauliflower, carrots, courgettes, mushrooms and a stock cube. It is also very cheap - one bowl costs probably no more than 30p. However, conversely, because the credt crunch is making us all feel depressed, maybe we will be reaching for the comfort foods. I crave hot buttered crumpets, chocolate cake, pasta smothered in butter and cheese. Bar that, a bloody good bottle of red wine would do…..
Forget rice cakes. They’re the snack of the devil. Oatcakes or rye bread are much tastier. And Lucy, eating tiny portions or cabbage soup (yuck! though I made a haricot bean, rosemary and cabbage soup last night that is delicious) means that your diet won’t last. I’d go for a long uphill walk every morning and stick to eating three times a day - whatever the ‘experts’ say about little and often I reckon it’s snacking (and/or finishing your kids’ meals) that piles on weight. And sitting around - I should know! I was at my thinnest in recent years when I worked in the cinema two days a week and spent all day running upstair, sweeping floors and stacking crates of beer (and actually my diet then was not good, lots of pizza and cheese sandwiches to keep me going). Good luck, Polly x
Good luck with the weight loss! I think exercising more is better than eating less, personally. The current clement weather’s ideal for dog walking marathons.
BTW, is it WW, or Marjorie Daw’s Fat Fighters that you go to on Wednesdays???
Poor Lucy/Samantha. I almost dare not admit that I used to be a WW lecturer and that when I was speaking at Long Crendon and we had delicious strawberry pancakes for breakfast, I told my audience I’d been counting how many they’d eaten.
Personally, I think it’s the air one breathes these days. I swear it’s laden with calories - and fat-infested - it’s worse than it’s ever been.
Try Audrey Eyton’s book The F-Diet for the most delicious, nutritious soups - much like the ones Polly mentions above. I promise you won’t go hungry or be malnourished or feel deprived. And you can fit them into your WW plan, too. Give it a go, gal! Mel http://www.melmenzies.co.uk
How can you have pancakes for breakfast! I am afraid I ruined everything last night by drinking way too much champagne for no reason at all - just desperate. Yes rice cakes are the snack of the devil. They taste like polystyrene. Am now exercising like a loonie and enjoying it - walking dog, cycling. Agree re three meals a day. Yesterday I barely ate and then felt v drunk v quickly! Love Marjorie Daws - can’t get away from it…
Exercise, 3 times a week. It’s the only way to tone up, I’ve found. Not that I’ve lost any weight, mind you - though I guess cutting out the chocolate and snacks might help with that…
Too true..when I was exercising a lot I actually PUT ON weight!! I was running a regular 5-7 miles on the weekend with a few 3 milers in the week. My increase in effort unfortunately spawned an increase in appetite. I am currently resigned to being a curvy mama!
Congratulations to you for tackling the problem head on.
I decided after this summer that I needed to lose a stone. I started swimming 3 times a week, and was rigorous in what I ate (didn’t follow any diet, just cut out bad stuff and cut down on portion size). I lost about half a stone in about a month (I’m not keeping exact tabs), and then relaxed a bit. Missed the swim, now and then. Had the odd naughty treat. And I haven’t lost any more since. It’s depressing, but I suppose nothing comes for free. You just have to keep plodding on.
Good luck.
Yes but it is a slog isn’t it! I’ve now lost 20lbs but read my most current post and you’ll see the effect it has had on my family (well, my marriage really). I now exercise every day. I don’t like exercising but I have got into an obsessive mental situation whereby if I don’t cycle, I feel self-hating….(maybe that’s too strong a word but you know what I mean)