Babies

Crying, comforting and colic | Breastfeeding |  Bottlefeeding |  Mixed feeding | Weaning

Co-sleeping

The case against it | The case for it | What to do if you decide it's for you | Daytime naps | Sleep training | Controlled crying | Early waking | Settling your newborn | What to expect at 3-6 months | What to expect at 6-12 months 

Cot? Moses basket? Pah. Why bother with either when your baby could just snuggle down in bed with you?

If only it were so simple. In fact, you'll find (if you haven't already) that Mumsnetters (like most parents – and midwives) divide rather rigidly into two camps on this one.

The case against co-sleeping

Those who keep their baby's at cot's length point to the very real dangers in co-sleeping: according to the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths (FSID), it can raise your baby's risk of cot death, especially if your baby is under three months, was born prematurely and/or you or your partner smoke (even if you never smoke in bed).

This is because, in your bed as opposed to a cot or crib, your baby could...

• Get trapped between the bed and the headboard
• Fall out
• Get dangerously overheated under a duvet next to two hot adult bodies
• Get accidentally suffocated if you're so tired or drunk or high that you unknowingly roll on him

For more on the scientific evidence that's prompted FSID to highlight these risks, see our Mumsnet webchat with FSID expert Professor George Haycock.

What's more, say the bed-sharing bashers, as your child gets older, he'll find he's unable to sleep without you – which means you're doomed either to being three (or four or five) in a bed for years to come or you're going to have some serious bedtime battle in the future.

"If you teach them early on to sleep in your bed, then nothing else will do afterwards and it seems to me you're consigning yourself to broken nights for a long time." Berta

The case for co-sleeping

No, actually, counter the co-sleeping champions: bedsharing not only makes your baby feel safer and sleep better, it also helps you feel more connected to your baby and less shattered by night-feeding.

"It felt like the right thing from the start. When he needed feeding, he was right by my side, so I didn't have get out of bed. And he seemed to sleep much better because he was lying next to me." Bon

"My son's slept with us from day one and I'm sure, when number two comes along, we'll just buy a bigger bed for all four of us. I love the closeness." Peanuts1

And, according to recent studies, co-sleeping can actually make breastfeeding easier and more successful for you and your baby – and breastfeeding is known to cut a baby's risk of cot death.

Oh, and weaning an older child off the family bed is a cinch, either early on:

"Both my children slept with me for the first ten months of their life and then transferred to a cot with no problems at all." Imps

Or later:

"My lot slept with us until they were toddlers – then the lure of a having a bed of their own bed was actually far more exciting. It's nice to be able to stretch out a bit now but we kind of miss them, actually." JuliaB

Complicated, huh?

What to do if you decide co-sleeping is for you

If you like the idea of snuggling up with your baby of a night (and do bear in mind that the snuggly newborn stage does morph into the akimbo-arms, thrashing-legs stage surprisingly quickly), you do need to:

• Make sure your partner agrees with you. There's no getting round the fact that a family bed does reduce your opportunities for intimacy as a couple – you'll have to get used to anywhere-but-bed sex if your love life isn't to disappear altogether. Be honest with each other about how that makes you feel. There's no point co-sleeping to bring you both closer to your children if it actually drives the two of you further apart.
• Know the 'no-way' facts. You should never bedshare if either you or your partner smoke (even if neither of you smoke in the bedroom). You shouldn't co-sleep if you've drunk alcohol, taken drugs or are on medication than makes you drowsy. You should also be cautious about bedsharing if your baby is at increased risk of cot death: born prematurely; born with a low birthweight; nursing a fever. You can read the official advice on this at FSID.
• Take safety precautions. Make sure your mattress is firm, that your bedcovers are light (ditch the duvet) and can't fall over your baby's head. You can find some good safety advice for breastfeeding bedsharing at Unicef.
• Ignore the comments. Because you will get them.

"My mother-in-law was horrified - she thought it would 'ruin the baby'. She even sent me a letter about it!" QD

"I do hide the fact that we co-sleep now. That's because I'm always made to feel like there's something wrong with it. I'd get comments such as, 'You'll regret it' or 'I know someone who rolled over and squashed their baby'. It does seem like a cultural thing: I was talking to an Indian lady and she said that they always co-sleep with their babies and think it is wrong to put a baby in a cot in another room." sweetkitty

And, above all, enjoy it while it lasts:

"My daughter is 21 months now and only sleeps with us when she is poorly now or unusually clingy now. But I love waking up in the morning to a little girl looking me in the eyes with all the love in the world, and giving me big kisses to convince me I am awake and want to play." flamesparrow

Crying, comforting and colic | Breastfeeding |  Bottlefeeding | Mixed feeding | Weaning