Are you a threat to the Patriarchy?

[CrotchMaven]

I've been pondering this for a few days.

Probably not as much as I should be, in my case. What about you?

[elportodelgato]

CrotchMaven, I'll join you! I wish I was doing more than just impotently shouting at the telly in the evening...

[almondcakes]

Not yet...

[CrotchMaven]

I do post on here, in various stages of rant. I think that's important, because I think consciousness-raising is the key. I do a lot of instead of laughing stuff off, and that is remarkably powerful in a small group and I am vociferous in my condemnation of poor gender-stereotypical behaviour. Despite my miniscule efforts, I am seen a scary feminist. Little do they know what I really think!

I do fund raise and give to women's charities, but I don't see that as a threat, more of a mitigation.

I confess to not wanting to raise my head above any parapet. I don't have a squeaky clean life behind me and have a number of people who would love to make a quick buck out of my story. And I just don't have the resilience, nor the lack of curiosity, that would allow me to survive a social media onslaught.

Ugh, that's not pretty feminism-wise.

[Quangle]

Not sure. What would that entail?

I am quite successful in a man's world and I do try to tell the truth when issues arise. But I only let them have 10% of my wrath. That probably makes me a collaborator but I like to think I'm more of a double agent.

[elportodelgato]

Crotch, I think we were separated at birth! I do some tweeting, I try to challenge behaviours and opinions at work / social situations. I am a school governor and push my views there as well.
Like you, I also have a past which would not stand up to public scrutiny should I run for office in any way!

[PetulaGordino]

Not much at all I fear. I challenge sexist behaviours when I can, but I lack the confidence in some situations. I am much more likely to stand up for another woman than for myself, which while it sounds like a sort of stealth boast isn't actually helping womankind all that much

[CrotchMaven]

I don't know, Quangle, it was something I was pondering after a frustrating couple of weeks feeling like I am not going to see the majority of women, even in our priviledged nation, being treated as human beings rather than as servants to men.

Interesting about the 10% of your wrath. What would happen if all women showed 100% of their wrath?

[AnyFucker]

Some individual men seem to see me as a threat, going off the massively defensive reaction they have to some of the things I say to them, or perhaps they don't like me because I don't STFU and smile sweetly

but in general ? Nah, I don't think so

[elfycat]

I challenged my FIL's misogynistic view of the world. We had a major battle on my wedding day (his choice). He sulked when pulled up on it later.

I won. I always win... or stalemate against the extremely stupid against whom no argument works

Now I have daughters. I do not want them judged by their genitalia. Now I'm getting feisty with my 'equalityism'.

[CrotchMaven]

Maybe we are, elportodelgato (great name!)! Actually, I think many of us are...

[SageBush]

I hope I am, in my own quiet way. I work for a women's organisation which seeks to change sexist attitudes, and is definitely a threat to patriarchy. In my personal life, I try to speak up about feminism and to challenge things which I think are sexist (and have definitely done some consciousness raising amongst my friends), and I am trying to bring my DC up to be aware of inequality and why it is wrong (I will do much more of this as they get older). I am still, sadly, and despite my work, wary sometimes of being as outspoken as I would like to be.

All these individual small acts of speaking out, of standing up for other women, of explaining why we think something is misogynistic and wrong, help in the struggle against patriarchy. Many people simply don't consider the issues (for example, surrounding prostitution), but agree with a staunch feminist viewpoint when they hear it.

[settingsitting]

No. I confront and debate.
Threatening doesnt win anything.

[AnyFucker]

setting how do you find that goes..."confront and debate" ?

more often than not, it gets classed as strident, aggressive and manhating in my experience

perhaps that's just me

[CrotchMaven]

Did I word that wrongly? I meant it in the sense of "do my actions make a difference to weakening the power of the Patriarchy?" rather than "Do this, or else".

My campaign for Tazers in the Bounty packs of baby girls is quietly gathering pace, mind.

[Quangle]

I suppose I think I could spend my entire working life identifying for my male colleagues the depths of misogyny in the world. They think everything is fine and there are just fewer women in my world than men because we, oh, like being at home or aren't quite as clever as them or something. I could spend my life helping them see the world I live in and I would get shut down. So I don't - I restrict my interventions to moments of egregious misunderstanding or misrepresentation.

I get a good hearing though, interestingly, from my colleague who is of a different ethnicity to me and whose ethnicity happens to be particularly "undesirable". I won't say exactly where he's from but it goes along with lots of stereotypes. He "gets it" with regard to women much more than the others. He was brought up in the UK in a very establishment environment and he knows what it is to be "other". He knows he's never going to be the alpha male so he's free to think and to listen.

[CrotchMaven]

BUT, what would happen if women showed 100% of their wrath?

[Quangle]

I think they would just switch off

I can only change things from the inside so I definitely want to stay on the inside. But I notice that women are speaking up more. And that's really good.

[PetulaGordino]

Crotchmaven, I wouldn't be able to pay my mortgage because I wouldn't have a job. It's not that I encounter sexism directly from colleagues, but there is a visible glass ceiling and I do encounter some shocking sexist behaviour from external contacts where sometimes challenging the behaviour directly "would not make business sense". I can moan about it with colleagues and receive a sympathetic hearing, but the perpetrators do not hear the extent of my anger

[SconeRhymesWithGone]

Oh, god, I do hope so. I have been an active feminist for more than 40 years, and I work for a charity in the US that focuses on social justice issues affecting primarily women and children. I have to go about it in a politic way, however, which increasingly is harder for me to do. The older I get the angrier I get.

[settingsitting]

No I am not strident aggressive or manhating. Though to be fair it is friends that I sometimes pick it up on. Gently and quietly. Just correcting an odd word or two from time to time. They take it fine.
Probably the situations in which I do it are not the same as other peoples'.

[AmberTheCat]

I don't know, really. I'm not particularly activist, but the way I live my life could be seen as a threat to patriarchy (sharing work and childcare equally with my partner, earning more than he does, negotiating several different types of flexible working patterns to enable me to continue working at a relatively senior level while also bringing up children).

I'm not reticent about pointing out sexist language or behaviour when I see it, and am encouraging my daughters to notice and challenge this too.

[CaptChaos]

I think I am, especially with colleagues the same levels I am. People tend to watch how they speak around me, and hopefully this carries over to other conversations. It's not much, but it might be a start?

[7Days]

Not a threat

a minor irritant, at most.

I do get the eye roll treatment quite a bit

[MontyGlee]

You must be. The patriarchy isn't as strong as it once was and that's happened (surely?) because of people challenging the methods by which it's enforced. It's a slow evolution - and let's face it, that's always likely as it's new generations, really, where you grow new ideas rather than fundamentally changing the attitudes of individual people - and each one of us might feel so tiny in terms of our threat... Tinier still, when the real effects of that threat are enacted.

But it's you that did that. Take some credit!

[Flexibilityiskey]

I think I might be a little, in the same way as AmberTheCat. I was told by my line manager at work recently that they would like DH to go back to working full time, and me to fit my working hours around him, instead of our current arrangement where we both work part time, and share everything equally.