Can I ask you for some links about porn please?

(480 Posts)

Specifically accounts of ex porn actors talking about abuse/coercion in porn films, and anything academic about the effects of porn on male sexuality and sexual attitudes?

I've read bits, but I'm already convinced. This is for a friend whose new boyfriend doesn't get it and she feels like she doesn't have the evidence to show him.
Thanks

YoniTime Sat 26-Oct-13 14:24:35

Lol DadDancer wtf is up with his obsession with Mumsnet. He seriously needs a new hobby. I recommend knitting.

From the thread:
I always find the porn related posts on there quite ironic as a few of them might lighten up after a night of watching some porn.

A night of watching porn? That sounds so sad and lonely. I think many here are too busy actually having sex with their DHs. grin

ForwardSheCried Sat 26-Oct-13 12:14:18

Re: You know why he started that thread on DS? Because he was both libertarianj and AngryFrank and is cross cos he's been banned again. I love the way he lies on another thread there about how he got banned from MN (in his first guise) for not toeing the party line and daring to hold opposing views, as opposed to trolling threads then boasting about it on a blog about stripping! Sadly, I have no doubt he'll be back!

This does not surprise me in the slightest... and the idiot is already back. I've had the misfortune to be stuck with this eejit on other forums, and I can spot him a mile off.

emcwill74 Sat 26-Oct-13 10:57:41

Yes basil very well handled. It's so hard to know how to approach these topics and I think you've done it well. My DS is 8 and it's something DH (who is very anti-porn, more so than me historically) and I are going to have to address at some point.

BuffytheAnyAppleFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 10:49:24

Sounds great basil. My ds is 10 and I've been wondering how to approach this.

emcwill74 Sat 26-Oct-13 10:31:08

Ha ha yes Sabrina there was a fair amount of 'and you're posting this on here why?'! The woman who says, if it winds you up so much why not leave MN alone, doesn't even know the half of it since he neglects to say he had 2 further incarnations since his first ban!

Beachcomber Sat 26-Oct-13 10:00:40

That sounds great Basil.

BasilFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 09:47:20

Expanding on your question Dadwashere, if you're talking about specific conversations with them, I've had a few with my DS, who is a teenager. (And sometimes engages and sometimes cringes and says "Shut up Mum, I know all this! grin- depends what mood he's in.)

The tack I took/ take is that moving images are powerful, which is why there's guidelines for what films you're allowed to see at what ages - because seeing something moving on screen, is different from reading or a still image and may have a disturbing impact and that's why they restrict children's access to certain films.

Also that his sexuality is his business and he has ownership of it and because he is very young, it is not yet formed and it's important that no-one else comes along and forms it for him - not an abusive adult and not a porn merchant. He will be subject to all sorts of messages about his sexuality (indeed, inevitably has been, we all are from the moment we're born) and those messages will inevitably influence it, but it's a good idea to have a conscious awareness of all those external messages, many of which will be from people who have a very limited view of sexuality and a vested interest in ensuring he sees and accepts their view.

If he accesses porn on any significant basis when he is very young, he is in danger of having his sexuality owned by people who don't have his interests at heart, who have a deeply misogynist attitude to women and who are pretty all-round shit bags. Does he want them to control his sexuality, or does he want control of it?

In the same way I've spoken to him about smoking - do you want tobacco merchants to control your health or do you want some semblance of control yourself?

Obviously I've done it in age appropriate language and acknowledged that no-one has 100% control of these things - unpicking how much of our sexuality is innate and how much is learned, how much of our health is in our own hands and how much not - no-one can unravel that. But that's my starting point for stuff like this, I don't know if that's the best way to approach it but can't think how else to do it.

BuffytheAnyAppleFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 09:29:33

Rather highlights the futility of the "if you don't like it don't watch it" argument really.

BasilFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 09:25:59

What do you mean, what does one do about it, Dadwashere?

You can't do anything about it, anymore than you can about any other choices your teenager makes. You make sure that your filters on your interweb are in place so that if he seeks it out it will have to be elsewhere, you educate him about the way our culture treats and portrays women, you've brought up him showing him what your values are, and the rest is up to him.

It's no different from any other choice your kids will make.

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones Sat 26-Oct-13 08:56:36

Did you read the replies to his thread, emcwill? They weren't exactly sympathetic to him grin

They all say they were banned for disagreeing with us - but, no - you can tell from the AnyFucker business that that's not true. They were banned for breaching guidelines.

emcwill74 Sat 26-Oct-13 08:11:08

You know why he started that thread on DS? Because he was both libertarianj and AngryFrank and is cross cos he's been banned again. I love the way he lies on another thread there about how he got banned from MN (in his first guise) for not toeing the party line and daring to hold opposing views, as opposed to trolling threads then boasting about it on a blog about stripping! Sadly, I have no doubt he'll be back!

DadWasHere Sat 26-Oct-13 03:57:51

So what do mums/dads with a tween/teen son do about him seeking out pornography? Its not a question I have ever thought about but research says a majority of boys encounter porn by age 10 and seek it out by age 13, which seem a reasonable observation to me. I cant believe there would be many parents of a little boy who would take the view that-hmmm- along the lines of 'I/we will teach him to respect himself and girls therefore he will not seek porn out.' Surely parents would expect a boy to seek out porn regardless of their own attitude to it? What do they do, what do they think?

FloraFoxForAnyFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 03:13:09

How pathetic sweet that he is still so interested. Like a puppy shut outside with his nose pressed up against the window looking in.

Yougotbale Sat 26-Oct-13 00:30:22

When - ok. You don't sound convinced. I'm sure you will have banned it before I hit the papers

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones Sat 26-Oct-13 00:26:31

I almost miss him. But then I remember that I don't.

WhentheRed Sat 26-Oct-13 00:24:23

I have stated my definition on this very thread several times:

The explicit depiction of sexual acts for the sexual gratification of the viewer.

No - not just filmed sex
Yes - if there is payment involved. The lack of payment however does not necessarily negate harm though.

Good luck with your campaign to regulate the porn industry. I look forward to reading about it in the newspapers.

ForwardSheCried Sat 26-Oct-13 00:22:43

Everyone here hates him purely because he (allegedly) has a penis, don't you know. sad Oh, my poor bleeding heart!

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones Sat 26-Oct-13 00:22:01

yeah bale whatevs.

Yougotbale Sat 26-Oct-13 00:20:35

Sorry, sab, just caught up with the 4 points. I think it would touch all areas mentioned by sal.

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones Sat 26-Oct-13 00:19:02

RTFT bale.

Yougotbale Sat 26-Oct-13 00:16:57

When - what is your definition of porn? Is it just filmed sex? Is making a home tape with your husband( or whoever prostitution)?
You would take regulation out of the industry's hands.

Sab - what 4 points?

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones Sat 26-Oct-13 00:16:47

Oh, DadDancer loved me wink

CaptChaos Sat 26-Oct-13 00:13:59

Nice to see that he still keeps his hand in though as well as completely failing to get the point.

ForwardSheCried Sat 26-Oct-13 00:07:17

This thread is infamous, as is the OP on DS who started it. Utter troll.

WhentheRed Sat 26-Oct-13 00:05:08

It's not hard to pin down. Pornography is filmed prostitution. It's very existence is wrongful and harmful. It cannot be improved.

I think you would find few allies in a "regulate it" campaign. Indeed the porn industry would be against you. It fights all attempts at regulation.

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