I've changed my nickname for this thread as I'm so embarrassed. I had a one night stand over the weekend with a complete stranger which was totally out of character for me.
Up until last night, i was feeling just fine about it. It was a casual encounter. I hadn't had sex since the birth of my daughter (almost 6 years ago!) and i suppose i got what i wanted. No strings attached 'fun'.
But this morning i have woke up feeling very angry. At him. At me. I'm not sure.
I was very drunk, but completely in control of my actions. My friend and I were at a bar and went back home with 2 men. TBH, there was no attraction there. And i thought they were both quite dull. But again, i just wanted a casual sexual encounter. It didn't bother me that i didn't find him attractive.
Anyway, we got to his home. The four of us had a sit down in the living room. I pretty much jumped on 'my' guy and then we went in his room. We DTD... Now i've been out the loop for a while. It was enjoyable, yes, but looking back, there was just nothing. No connection. Very cold. No communication. I can't even remember if there was kissing!
Anyway, after it was done, he got up to go to the bathroom and said 'Back in a minute.'
I got dressed super quickly. Went in and got my friend. She and the other guy were just dozing off, nothing had happened between them. I said i was ready to go, as i felt suddenly very unwelcome. My friend's guy kept saying 'just sleep on the couch. What's the big deal? you can go home in the morning." But after my guy had come out of the toilet, he'd stumbled into bed and shut his door. Not speaking to me at all. I called a taxi, and then had to go back into his room for my shoes. I knocked, he let me in with a lot of huffing and puffing - clearly he was trying to get to sleep. I said, "Sorry, think i left my shoes in here." He said, "Hurry up and get them then."
So i got them, left, and he slammed the bedroom door behind me...
I told my friend that i wanted to go as i felt a bit awkward/unwelcome... She was a bit annoyed because she didn't want to have to stand outside in the cold for a taxi. Thankfully it came within 5 minutes and we left.
This all happened Saturday night. Sunday night, my friend phoned me and we had a laugh about it. It was all very lighthearted. She thinks - and so did i - that we were the ones in control. And i agree. But looking back, i'm so ashamed of myself. He was a complete dick. He's the 2nd person I've ever had sex with. (the first person being my daughter's dad). So I have nothing casual to compare it with. But he barely even spoke to me. He sort of got up from the couch and walked towards his room. he looked at me and said "Coming?" and i followed after him like some stupid giddy sheep.
I just don't understand why i feel like this. I don't even understand what it is i'm feeling. I wanted casual sex with a stranger - the only details i wanted exchanged were our first names. And that's what i got.
I'm really not making sense here am I? I don't even know if this is in the right bit!
I felt that if i posted in relationships, i'd get replies saying, "Well, you'd got what you wanted didn't you?" Which is completely true. I don't regret it at all tbh. I just feel like i can no longer hold feminist views, stand up for myself when I'm made to feel inferior just for being a female, after i allowed that man to treat me in such an ignorant manner on Saturday just because i wanted sex.
My friend thinks that so long as it's consensual and i use protection, there's nothing to be ashamed of. And i agree with her. As i said before, there's no regret whatsoever. And there's nothing stopping me from ever doing it again. So what's wrong with me? Why do i have a nagging feeling about what happened? Is it because deep down, I'm uncomfortable with casual sex? Or is it because i picked a guy who doesn't even have a decent level of manners?
Actually, this is what i think it is. The shift in power. It was halfway through sex that suddenly i no longer felt like i was the one in control. But i still wanted the sex to carry on. But it was then i realised how much of an arse he was.
I'm really not making sense am i? Possibly still a bit hungover... I rarely drink. Perhaps once every 18 months. And these hangovers (and lack of babysitters) are the reason why.
Okay, basically, it is possible for men and women to be equal when it comes to one night stands? Or are men always the ones in charge? They call the shots. They decide when and where you're going to have sex. You can either refuse or just go along with it. They decide how long you're going to stay afterwards. They don't care how you get home.
Or is it all down to whose house you're at? So the 'host/ess' call the shots?
i would feel so much better if the reason i let him be a dick is because it took place at his house, so i sort of granted him some extra power/control, rather than it being down to him being a man and me a woman.
I'm really over thinking this!
Feminism: Sex & gender discussions
one night stands
NeedAView · 14/10/2013 12:09
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