Lapdancing and telling off dh's mate.

(366 Posts)
Manchesterhistorygirl Wed 02-Oct-13 17:41:54

I blame you lot. Thanks.

Last night dh's friend was telling him all about his recent visit to a lap dancing bar. I told him he and his mates were a bunch of twats and I was disgusted at them all, especially since they all have partners.

I also told dh if I ever found out he'd done the same it'd be the absolute last thing he ever did.

So my nest of vipers, thank you for giving me the confidence to handle a situation I've always found disgusting, but wouldn't have ever spoken out about until I joined here.

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 14:06:22

That I just made observations about individual behaviour and how it contributes to culture? Or that the kittens are cute grin

Yougotbale Thu 03-Oct-13 14:07:29

He might but would it be the last thing you did? Why not express your view and let him decide. If he cares about you he won't go. Do you use this technique in other areas of life. He must be a nervous wreck.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Thu 03-Oct-13 14:07:47

You're a woman buffy aren't you? You can only have an opinion on the kittens, then. Just the kittens.

Twiddlebum Thu 03-Oct-13 14:09:29

How would you feel if your husband had a go at your friends if they were talking about a male strip show?? I would be bloody livid! So I wouldn't do it to him in return!! I bet your DH was really embarrassed!shock

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 14:09:40

Can you detect my shrill hysteria and flawed reasoning Sab

<wanders off exhorting self to just focus on the kittens>

Yougotbale Thu 03-Oct-13 14:09:40

Buffy - I suppose you can make selective observations to support an outcome.
Sorry, I thought you were analysing as a whole

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 14:11:45

Twiddlebum if a friend of mine was boasting about having been to see a modern version of the black and white minstrel show, or talking about how much he enjoyed a homophobic comedian, then I wouldn't be embarrassed by my DH expressing his own views on the subject.

MinesAPintOfTea Thu 03-Oct-13 14:12:01

Good on you for calling him on it OP. However I wish you would have told your DH that you would be gone rather than implying he would be murdered. I know that partner-murder is usually committed by men, but making it unacceptable to joke about men killing women really requires women to stop joking about killing men.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Thu 03-Oct-13 14:13:24

I can detect something even worse than shrill, buffy.....we're talking about a man who has been embarrassed by his wife here! This is SERIOUS.

<goes back to cute kittens>

morethanpotatoprints Thu 03-Oct-13 14:13:33

Whats wrong with them going, if their partners are fine about it?
I'm glad my dh doesn't want to go to these places, of course I am. However, I think if you have to threaten them not to go you've lost really. If a man is going to go he will threat or not, you just might never find out grin

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 14:14:02

bale are we getting into an epistemological debate here? We can do so if you like, but it isn't in the spirit of the thread. I was hoping to show lib that I wasn't making any claims as to the thought processes of individuals, merely to observations of their behaviour and the ensuing perpetuation of culture that packages women's bodies up as sexual commodities for sale.

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 14:15:13

Whats wrong with them going, if their partners are fine about it? see above re: a culture that packages women's bodies for sale.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Thu 03-Oct-13 14:16:31

How would you feel if your husband had a go at your friends if they were talking about a male strip show??

I wouldn't give a toss - he's free to voice an opinion to my friends confused

Yougotbale Thu 03-Oct-13 14:18:18

I suppose. 'Ladyboy' clubs are more popular than men's strip clubs. Do you think a change from patriarchy would see a boom in male dancer clubs?

reelingintheyears Thu 03-Oct-13 14:22:56

A man has been embarrassed in front of his mates because his wife has an opinion? hmm
If my DP had been embarrassed every time I had an opinion he'd be a shrivelled wreck by now.

If my pals were bragging about going to a male strip club I would be embarrassed.
And if DP had an opinion (which he often does) I would expect him to voice it, why shouldn't he?

<<punches kittens>>

Twiddlebum Thu 03-Oct-13 14:34:31

I'm leaving as I fear i might get pelted by burning bras or something!! grin seriously guys life is too short!!! Try enjoying it a bit more and chill out!

LurcioLovesFrankie Thu 03-Oct-13 14:37:29

Don't let the door hit your arse on the way out.

Yougotbale Thu 03-Oct-13 14:39:20

Are you saying women have fat arses or can't use doors?

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 14:42:06

seriously guys life is too short!!! Try enjoying it a bit more

What do we do if we enjoy feminist analysis and challenging sexism <conflicted>

Twiddlebum Thu 03-Oct-13 14:43:14

Haha!!! One thing I like is you guys can't stand people having an opinion without getting your knickers in a twist when the thing you're arguing about is being allowed to have an opinion!!! smile

reelingintheyears Thu 03-Oct-13 14:44:25

Pelted by burning bras?

Do you mean 'pelted with burning bras?

Either way, OP is allowed to state her point of view you know, life is certainly too short to stfu about things you don't agree with.

Twiddlebum Thu 03-Oct-13 14:44:26

Doesn't sound like you're having much fun though tbh!

Twiddlebum Thu 03-Oct-13 14:45:38

Sorry, am I supposed to get my grammar book out now??? So people that aren't good at English are looked down on by you??

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 14:46:02

Not in the least, my knickers are entirely twist free. What I find frustrating though is that when people express their opinion and find it's different to a feminist's opinion, they get all huffy and insulted and try and blame feminists for being boring, prudish and narrow-minded smile

Yougotbale Thu 03-Oct-13 14:46:29

Every time I give an opinion I will start a thread about it.

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