Seriously?

(64 Posts)
suchawimp Sat 20-Jul-13 16:05:45

There are actual websites called things like Ladies Against Feminism and Raising Homemakers? And people read them! Lots of people apparently as Raising Homemakers has 20 thousand likes on Facebook.

Thurlow Sat 20-Jul-13 20:16:28

See, I'm actually a little torn on this - because there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a SAHM, or to enjoy cooking, cleaning and sewing, or to like wearing skirts. So there's a huge core of what some of these blogs are saying which to me is pretty much fine, it's just one woman making her point and explaining her interests in the same way as a blog by a rugby-playing, finance-working single woman stridently advocating her interests and ideals isn't wrong either.

Now I agree that I think a lot of what some of these blogs are saying is absolutely bollocks (DP and I both would still benefit from adult supervision grin) but... I wonder if part of the 'bleurgh' reaction to blogs like these a ridiculing of anything seen as traditionally feminine?

suchawimp Sat 20-Jul-13 20:23:00

Maybe it is a traditional femininity thing.

"Book One is Personal Help for Girls - Nurturing a Sweet and Virtuous Spirit. Who wouldn't want a sweet and virtuous spirit? I certainly do! The book covers subjects like feminine personality, Christian character, being capable and female responsibilities.

Book Two is called Preparing Your Hope Chest - Building a Foundation of Godly Character for Tomorrow's Mothers. A foundation of Godly character is just what I am looking for! This book is all about different skills to learn including knitting, embroidery, cooking, cleaning and frugality. I am already working on some of these but it certainly is helpful to have them all written down in a book!"

Thurlow Sat 20-Jul-13 20:32:18

I wonder if that's the problem. Traditionally feminine roles have in the past few decades mainly been embraced more by religious communities, so the idea of actually wanting to be a 'homemaker' is getting confused with being a more submissive wife etc. If I'm managing to make that make any sense at all?

I wonder if part of the 'bleurgh' reaction to blogs like these a ridiculing of anything seen as traditionally feminine?

For me it's the idea that they are raising daughters to follow in their footsteps. I think adult women should be whatever they want to be but children should be shown many options of how their life could be and be given some choice. A lot of women in these kinds of marriages home educate so their children have such a limited outlook.

Thurlow Sat 20-Jul-13 20:45:13

Yes, akiss, I completely agree with that point. All children should be encouraged to do whatever they want to do, be that pink toy dolls or a football crazy.

suchawimp Sat 20-Jul-13 20:54:16

The scary bit is the stay at home daughters - raised and trained to be wives and mothers and then ...... no perfect husband drops from the sky.

MamaMary Sat 20-Jul-13 20:59:30

Can i also say that I am a Christian and a feminist.

The ideology in these blogs makes me mad. It's not Christianity, it's a twisted, male-centric, patriarchal ideology where women are forced into specific, so-called (but not) 'Biblical' roles. It must be so stifling to be a female born into that culture. Mind you, there are many, many cultures around the world where women are equally limited.

TunipTheVegedude Sat 20-Jul-13 22:07:34

Oh dear.
And if you think this is bad you should see the Christian Domestic Discipline sites....

MrsWolowitz Sat 20-Jul-13 22:13:04

What mamamary said.

tribpot Sat 20-Jul-13 22:20:42

Does Domestic Discipline involve not leaving your washing out on the line overnight?

Thurlow Sat 20-Jul-13 22:22:23

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone who is religious. In my very limited experience, there is a very small minority of very religious families who go in for the stereotypical homemaking stuff on those blogs, and do the overly patriachal society too, and I was wondering if that was skewing things. And yes, turnip, that stuff is shocking sad

SinisterSal Sat 20-Jul-13 22:54:24

More like Beating Your Wife The Godly Way, tribpot

Thing is the 'housewifely arts' are important, & useful, and are real skills. It's just a pity all that has been co-opted into the entire submission-package.

NiceTabard Sat 20-Jul-13 23:39:53

My neighbours do modest dressing for the females, with appropriate household rules, and the man utilised "physical chastisement" on the children.

I once went round with some kind of document that needed witnessing and she wrung her hands and said "oh but that is the sort of thing that DH should do" and I kind of gave her a look and a smile and she did it. But she wasn't happy about it.

It all creeps me out. This isn't new though, their children are late teens / adults now and we are in leafy north london suburb confused

Mind you we seem to do quite well for fairly extreme religious groups round here so maybe I shouldn't be surprised. There must be something in the air <scared>

nooka Sun 21-Jul-13 05:26:11

Domestic arts are indeed important, useful and for some people very enjoyable. it's not just the submission link that bothers me but also the 'wife' bit. This sort of attitude forces girls to assume a role they may be very unhappy with and denies it to boys who may miss out on something they would otherwise really enjoy. I really hate the 'equal but different' type ideologies because they deny us all our individuality.

suchawimp Sun 21-Jul-13 08:16:02

Still digging around on the blogs -

home-keepinghearts.blogspot.co.uk/2011/11/fascinating-girl.html

This sounds like a scary book ..... Domestic goddess? Angelic Qualities?

RhondaJean Sun 21-Jul-13 08:24:47

This sounds like the shite I was brought up with.

And although DH is possibly more of a feminist than me, having been raised by a single mother, I still find it hard to let go of the guilt of not living up to the ideals, like if the house is messy I take it as MY failing. I'm working hard on it!

I'm 36 btw with a reasonably well paying career and several degrees under my belt. It's just if you get that engrained into you as a child, you live with it forever.

And I present this monstrosity for your reading:

vionnaswatching.wordpress.com/2013/02/18/capable-wife/

Poor Lydia.

suchawimp Sun 21-Jul-13 18:30:19

I wonder if they are happy. It all sounds a bit odd to me but they might really love their roles and what they do.

The blogs just seem so happy all the time. I know it is probably just not showing the bad stuff but I could be kinda jealous if I thought about it. It must be comforting to have total faith and to have a set role.

LRDYaDumayuIThink Sun 21-Jul-13 18:52:53

I would like to think (at least) that these women were happy too.

And obviously some of them may be. But I know a woman who is now a writer of one of these blogs - she's not especially explicit about being anti-feminist, but she is very keen to insist that women are different from men and get the most out of being perfect, devoted wives. It is perfectly obvious she isn't happy, and I worry about her a lot.

There is nothing at all wrong with enjoying homemaking or bringing up your children or whatever. There is a huge amount wrong with feeling as if your entire sense of self-worth depends on you moulding yourself into a person who lives to look after your husband and your children (in that order).

NiceTabard Sun 21-Jul-13 19:09:57

The blog linked at the top said that women as well as doing the home-maker role, had to do it while looking well presented and smiling.

So given that, it's pretty impossible to tell, I think.

Thurlow Sun 21-Jul-13 19:12:25

God, Rhonda, that blog's unbelievably depressing sad

YoniBottsBumgina Sun 21-Jul-13 19:17:55

The idea of women as "the servant of all" ... nice. Really nice.

kooksi Sun 21-Jul-13 19:18:36

Raising homemakers is very important, I make my kids do housework everyday .. they're all boys though, that site is extremely sexist!

scallopsrgreat Sun 21-Jul-13 19:19:17

"But I like being unkempt, it's one of the best bits of being a SAHP." That made me lol grin I must agree. One of the joys of being on maternity leave was that no one gave a toss what you looked like.

I agree LRD and hope these women are happy. I can't help but feel that there are bucket loads of cognitive dissonance going on.

suchawimp Sun 21-Jul-13 19:22:50

It just seems like a quaint idea ..... in theory!

The homekeepers heart one is English which was a shocka - thought this was an american thing tbh. All charity stuff and gardens and a book called sacred singleness.

The women living well one is a big glossy looking site - lots of stay away from worldliness and 50s housewife stuff.

LRDYaDumayuIThink Sun 21-Jul-13 19:38:46

scallops I'm absolutely certain there is a bucket load of cognitive dissonance going on. sad

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