I am not a troll and I would really like to have honest answers about this topic.
Let?s face it, many women are suffering as much at the hands of other women than at the hands of men.
I?ve been a feminist from the start, always being aware of gender injustices and inequalities of power, and even though I didn?t know it was called feminism at the time, I knew something was wrong with the way women are treated and viewed in society from the moment they are born.
However, the more I think about it, the more I realise that true psychological torment has been inflicted to me by many of the women I came across in my life than the men, which is an absolute irony, given the fact that I was perceived men as the enemy.
My first female tormentor was my grandmother, who at the age of five, after I cut my own hair in a very silly way in front of the mirror, slapped me with a shoe, threw me several times on the bed and pulled my hair really hard, shouting; ?What have you done? You?ve killed yourself?. My grandmother has Italian ancestry so she was very dramatic in her domestic performances. But the psychological power she had on her family and the abuse she dished out had no end, and it?s affecting many members of my family to this day, even though she?s now resting in peace.
My biggest and second biggest torment came when I was 29 and I was badly bullied at work as I started a new job as a translator. These bunch of ladies decided for some reason completely unknown to me, even when I asked what the problem was, that they didn?t like me. I was new and needed a lot of support. They did exactly the opposite. They undermined my confidence so much, by gaslighting me, manipulating situations and people, hiding important information about the job, making me stay for hours after to finish work that will never be good enough, that I ended up with severe anxiety and depression and had a nervous breakdown. Of course, I left the job after four months and never fully recovered from such a traumatic experience. Feeling that people hate you or dislike you is obviously not a reason to be upset but not knowing why and therefore not being able to do anything about it could be a reason to feel extremely depressed.
Then, of course, came the my friends from uni, who I always thought were a lovely bunch and my lifeline to everything that was beautiful and right about female friendship. All very good until I noticed that one of them was slagging off the other friends badly while accepting money and paid trips abroad from one of them. Obviously, who was the odd one out when the moment of truth came? You guessed, moi.
My last and most recent disappointment came a few years ago at the hands of the ?mummy group?. I met a bunch of lovely ladies through a local baby group and was extremely delighted to open a new, fresh phase in my already rocky history of female relationships. I invited them to my house, to parties, went for coffee, bought presents for their children, was always up for meeting up, all full of hope and optimism for a kind of bond that was solid, and honest, and relatively easy to maintain
I shared my experiences of becoming a mum, the difficulties and joys of motherhood and marriage, until I started to notice that I was being gradually phased out. My texts and messages were not answered, invitations came further apart and only to group events, never one to ones. Again, I was never sure what happened, never the chance to correct whatever unforgivable fault I committed. All I know is that I was the odd one out once again. It made me feel terrible, though I didn?t sink into depression this time. Only that I felt bitter and disillusioned. And now I?m rearranging my mental landscape so as not to become one of those sour middle aged women, whose mouth lines are always drooping and forgot how to laugh, and look at the stars.
I still have three good friends, who I met quite recently. I don?t know if they will be forever, all I hope that whenever the time comes for the friendship to finish, they will be honest, and wholesome enough to tell me why.
Now my question is, how do feminists deal with this sort of experience?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Feminism: Sex & gender discussions
How do feminists deal with the "mean girl" experience?
24 replies
nerofiend · 11/06/2013 16:15
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.