Yes I'm a feminist, no I don't hate men

[targaryen24]

Got fed up with the stereo-type of a man hatin, ball breakin' feminist so set up this page a few years back. Bit of shameless advertising here, sorry!

www.facebook.com/pages/Yes-Im-a-feminist-No-I-dont-hate-men/392916050385

[BelaLugosisShed]

I've liked and shared it.

[targaryen24]

Thank you

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I get where you're coming from, but it makes me really sad and angry that this even needs to be said.

I wouldn't share it, because I would think most people I have on facebook know I'm happily married, have plenty of male friends, and am a feminist. Or if they don't they should!

Please don't think I'm narking at you (I'm not). I just think, you know, why on earth should we have to be bending over backwards, setting up pages and linking to them, to reassure people we're not all man-hating harridans?

I mean, it's not like you see an awful lot of people campaigning about race issues linking to 'Btw, I have a friend who's white' pages, do you?

[KRITIQ]

Ah, the older you get, the less you care what people think! :)

[SplitHeadGirl]

I don't much care if men think I hate them tbh, when it clicks with them that I am a feminist. I think it is a silencing technique anyway and so I won't give them the pleasure of even acknowledging it never mind denying it. The only man whose opinion matters to me is my husband anyway.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

I don't care if men think I hate them tbh.

I think men need to acknowledge how much woman-hatred there is in the world and reassure women they don't hate them by not supporting the things which are instrumental in our oppression.

I'm sick of apologising for wanting to be considered as human as men and I won't do it anymore.

But good luck with your page targaryen, hope you get lots of positive feedback.

[targaryen24]

It started off as that and just turned into a general page for posting stuff I felt strongly about and t rein myself that I'm not the only woman who's prepared to call bullshit on things
Totally get what you mean though. It shouldn't have to be said!

[targaryen24]

*to

Also, it's not really for men. More for women who are 'coming around' to the whole thing and are developing their awareness. It still shocks me how complicit some women are in the whole thing sometimes.

[SplitHeadGirl]

I think I see what you mean Targaryen. I was chatting to a friend one day about my interest in feminism, and she actually said she couldn't be a feminist because she didn't hate men. I think there are an awful lot of women who for some reason can't bear to be SEEN as going against men in any way or are concerned they will hurt the poor men's feelings. I guess it is to do with keeping onside with them or something.

I am glad I have got old enough where men's opinions on how I feel about them matter not a jot to me.

[TeiTetua]

SplitHeadGirl said, "I don't much care if men think I hate them tbh" then less than an hour later was back quoting a friend saying, "she couldn't be a feminist because she didn't hate men."

So is it men who think feminists hate men, or is it women (or claim toI think it's usually rubbish to cover up an instinctive discomfort)? Or perhaps it's not especially gendered at all. If that were true, it might say something about anyone who says it's actually men who think itlike "feminists who want the opposition to come from men, and prefer not to think of other women as defending patriarchy (and making up nonsense to justify themselves)".

[TeiTetua]

Perhaps I need to add--I wasn't trying to say that the idea "feminists hate men" was a fantasy when a woman thinks it, but genuinely believed by a man. Whoever entertains that thought, I believe it's a mental escape from the uncomfortable idea that existing gender roles might be worth challenging.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

It's interesting isn't it, I do think feminism should be taught in schools so that kids grow up knowing the rudiments - that it's against a background of male oppression of females and that's why women demand equal rights.

I wonder if these ignorant young men who believe that feminism is about man-hating, ever think to ask themselves why these bizarre women out there hate them just because of their sex?

You would think they would have just a leetle bit of intellectual curiosity, wouldn't you?

[MidnightMasquerader]

I hate men who are arseholes, I don't deny it for a second, but luckily for me I don't care what they think, and besides I only ever encounter them online where I can laugh anonymously at them - never (or at least very rarely) in real life.

I have yet to come across a feminist who hates men. Some women come to feminism through a bad experience with men and so may feel somewhat disillusioned by the gender, but many are like me - surrounded by good men and keen for women who have had bad experiences to realise they can move on and either be happily single, or with a good man. Both far, far preferable to the alternative.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

I tend to find it's non-feminists who hate men.

You know, the ones who say "men are only after one thing" and "put any man in a room with a drunk woman and what d'you expect" (the implication being that all men are rapists).

Feminists tend to have an awareness that we can have much higher expectations of men than that.

[tribpot]

I think if the myth of the man-hating feminist ever had a root in reality, wasn't it during the 70s when some women wanted to experiment with living in all female communities, to see what the dynamic was like and how gender politics could be challenged? I still wouldn't characterise that as being about hating men, more the need to experiment.

However, the myth of the man-hating feminist is certainly real (I mean the myth bit is real) and convenient - are black people fighting for equality just whitey-haters? That wouldn't really make any sense. (Obviously!).

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I think that is a very important point, fastidia, I totally agree.

[SplitHeadGirl]

Yes TeiTetua - good point!! I think it is both men and women who often and believe and peretuate the myth that feminists hate men. Funnily enough, in my own personal experience it has always been men who have said really negative things about men, just as Fastidia said.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

Splitheadgirl, they're judging other men by themselves...

[Cybermob]

What about women who actually hate men, can they be feminists too? Or will they cast a bad light on the movement and therefore disowned? Is it only acceptable to be a feminist if you are happily married or hope to be?

[HairyHandedTrucker]

Hating men is not a qualification for being a feminist but as far as I know it isn't a disqualification either cybermob.

I hate men who think women having equal rights, is an issue for them,.

[PretzelTime]

I neither hate all men nor love all men. It would be weird if someone did. They're individuals.
I have found that men who go "I LOVE women!!" are often sexist. Sometimes it followed by "...just not bitches/feminists"

[HairyHandedTrucker]

I have found that men who go "I LOVE women!!" are often sexist. Sometimes it followed by "...just not bitches/feminists"

Exactly, we are not a homogenous entity. You can't love all of us because if you do you aren't seeing us as individuals. Someone asked me on another thread if I liked men I hadn't said anything remotely man hating. I just had feminist in my name... I explained I like some men and dislike others. I don't like any group of people.