First timer here - so go easy! However am a feminist, so read others' stuff with interest. Anyhoo, my bugbear is this. I appear to be the poorest of a fair few of my old school friends, because I earn more than my partner but am a mere secondary school teacher. The friends who are better off than me do not work at all, but 'married well'. We had good all girls private education which seemed to promote the idea of equality etc. But did I miss the real point? Were we only educating ourselves in order to gain access to the wealthier men? Am I the only fool who never wanted to rely on a man for money? Seems a bit of a phyrric victory really...
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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions
unclefest ·
11/07/2011 11:47
At least you can say that you don't rely on someone else? Not much of a comfort, but also, you have a profession and will never HAVE to rely on anyone else. My Mum always wanted us to have a profession so we would never be stuck like she was in a violent/unsuitable relationship with little recourse to financial security. I have a friend who has a very wealthy husband and is happily married but who did not complete her legal training to qualify as a solicitor; I find myself hoping nothing ever goes wrong with their marriage because she has no career to call on if it does 
fluffles ·
11/07/2011 15:44
for some reason there seems to be no correlation between a 'good education' at school level and the desire to find a fulfilling career with that schooling.
just as many people from expensive private schools go on to have less than exciting careers as those from 'bad' state schools. i think the only difference is that if you move in a wealthy set you can marry into money and have a safety net whereas if you move in less wealthy circles you'll end up getting a minimum wage job to make ends meet.
i am quite sad when i meet people who have never found a career that motivates them 
[not counting people here who SAHP for a few years, that's a valid choice that does not make me sad]
HerBeX ·
11/07/2011 18:30
I agree with everyone else. Ephiny is right, constantly comparing yourself to others is definitely a recipe for dissatisfaction and also, you don't know whether their marraiges are happy. Having a career that absorbs and challenges you, that you look forward to every day, is a great thing and it doesn't need to be well paid to feel great. Once you can cover your basic necessities, I think as long as you have the capacity to be happy, you will be.
This phase when your children are young and you don't want to leave them, is the phase at which I think lots of mothers look at the SAHM life and say "that's what I want". And for many, it is and it works well, but if you have to work for money, it is the hardest time to do it and you can fall out of love with your career. However, once they get a bit older, it becomes so much easier to WOHM, emotionally and practically and you find that the balance feels better and feels good; am rambling now but just want to let you know that difficult as it feels right now, in ten years time you may find yourself waking up feeling really happy and content every day and not caring at all how big your friends' houses are. (Sorry I know tht sounds like a long time to wait and am hoping I haven't made you feel worse... 
)
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