Do you ever feel like fighting against porn is a losing battle?

[neofeminist]

Because I do. :( DH and I have had it out on this issue after I found a few porn videos on the computer. I made it clear that I found it degrading and harmful to women, asked if he would want our DS stumbling upon it and thinking this was what adult sexuality was supposed to be like, asked if he would want our niece to see it and think this was what she was supposed to be as a woman, etc. At my demand request we watched the Hardcore documentary together, and he seemed appropriately horrified. I told him that it was very important to me that he not watch porn and he said he would not, both out of respect for my wishes and because he would never know if he was watching a woman be raped or not.

Anyway, I was looking at something on google the other day and saw something about "incognito windows" . I looked at a few of the articles about them and they were all "yeh, I use this so the wife won't find out about my porn wink wink" kind of thing. It really made me despair. I don't think DH is using the incognito windows or watching porn (though really I'd have no way of knowing, would I) but it just saddens me that it's so commonplace and almost expected of men.

I guess I don't even have a real question here, I just felt sad. :(

[cjel]

My heart aches for you. I too have dh who uses porn. I get so angry that he says he isn't but I know he slips back to when he thinks I'm not worried about it. One of my biggest battles is to get him to see its wrong on so many levels. I do despair and just seeth mostly because he gets so angry when I bring it up, trys to make out its my'fault' he does it for whatever reason. he thinks because I was abused as a child I have a warped sense of sex so I am stupid to be against it. I don't know whatever we can do. I think because they think we don't know they do it then they think its not a problem.

[neofeminist]

I'm sorry you're going through that cjel .

I posted this thread twice by accident, this one seems to be getting more responses if you want to come over.

Again I'm sorry for what you're going through. My big thing is, if it's not a big deal and just a harmless bit of fun, then why do it if it bothers your partner so much?