I've namechanged because I don't want anyone to figure out who she is (however unlikely that would be) but I am a semi-regular poster on this section and I know you'll be able to give me sensitive advice on this situation. If you think you know who I am or can link this to any other thread, please don't say so.
My friend told me the other day that she thinks her boyfriend/ex is having sex with her while she is asleep. From what she told me I don't think there can be another explanation for what's happening, although she can't remember it (hence not being sure) and obviously she isn't consenting. :(. They have technically split up, though neither are moving out, she doesn't feel she can ask him to because it's his house, and she has nowhere to move to so is trying to get something sorted, although they are still sharing a bed. They have a toddler as well. She's been offered a place in a refuge from other things which have gone on, she hasn't told anybody about this, and there has been no violence other than this. But at the moment she says going to the refuge is more scary than just living with this situation a bit longer. There's nowhere else to sleep in the house either - she can't sleep on the sofa because her ex's friend is staying there (who happens to be my ex, although that's irrelevant, I can quite understand why she doesn't want to share with him either) and she doesn't want to sleep in with their toddler.
I am really upset by this and want to help but I don't know what to do - I suggested going to the police but she's very resistant saying it will be his word against hers and she doesn't want to go through examinations etc, especially if he then turns around and says "well it was consensual" and it's still her word against his. And I don't really blame her TBH. It's almost like denial is easier than facing it at the moment, but it's happening 2-3 times a week, usually when he is drunk. I said what if he is going out and sleeping with other girls first, he could give you a disease, but that just upset her at the thought he might have moved on already. I cannot imagine what sort of mental place she must be in that all these things - moving to a refuge, her recent ex sleeping with other girls - are worse than being raped 2-3 times a week. I just want to get her out of there.
Feminism: Sex & gender discussions
Sensitive - can I help my friend?
feedingatoddler · 18/05/2011 13:09
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.