Porn - I use it and feel bad - help convince me porn is wrong

[GuiltyPornUser]

Firstly, sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, although I thought it may be the most appropriate. I'm a married man, and I use porn fairly regularly. It's not something I feel has a massive negative effect on my life, but I feel bad about it. I'm not someone who specially goes out of my way to buy porn, (I've never paid for it), but with the internet, it's only ever a few clicks away.

I want to be convinced that it's wrong. I recently read Andrea Dworkin's book on pornography, but it hasn't stopped me. I appreciate that a lot of stuff on the web is very brutal and degrading to women, but a lot of the stuff is less obviously so.

My DW wouldn't be happy with me using porn, and I want to stop. I want to be convinced that it's wrong, and how I go about stopping using porn, when it's so easy to find on the internet.

There may be some here who think porn is acceptable and I'm just suffering from some almost religious guilt.

I'd really welcome some advice here, because my DW could find out one day and I want to stop.

[nethunsreject]

Have you watched the doc linked to on the other thread?

[AyeRobot]

This would be a better place for your question www.antipornmen.org/

[GuiltyPornUser]

I was just about to say after I posted,I noticed there's a huge thread on it (apologies for not spotting it before I posted). That might be very very helpful.

[Beachcomber]

OP, I think it is good that you are questioning yourself and want to change your behaviour. Watching the documentary on the other thread will probably give you an insight into what you probably already know is the reality of porn.

Can I just warn you that it is quite likely that you will receive quite a lot of 'it isn't women's job to help you find you humanity/educate you' type posts on this thread. (Or you may be ignored altogether.)

I must admit, that was my first reaction when I read your post.

Keep reading feminist works and, if you are sincere, read testimonies of women who have been damaged by being involved in the making of porn.

Keep this in mind - if you think of women as human beings you cannot consume porn. If you think of women as a subhuman sex class then click away.

[GuiltyPornUser]

Beachcomber

I am serious about this, however you make the comment "if you think of women as human beings you cannot consume porn". This is clearly false, as I, and I imagine, many millions more are co-opted into the porn culture, but in our real life dealings with women don't view them as subhuman

[AyeRobot]

Have you read the links suggested?

[GuiltyPornUser]

I watched the first half hour of the documentary, and so far it was horrific, and we haven't even got to the horrific stuff they've warned off. I'm going to save that for later. It's been enlightening.

dittany I just thought I'd post because I'm aware that a significant proportion of the anti-porn literature comes from a feminist perspective. I actually consider myself a feminist

Stewie I don't know where the children and young boys bit comes from

[GuiltyPornUser]

Dittany that makes no sense at all. I'm not a defender of porn looking for an argument. I'm a fairly normal decent man, who although I dislike porn, find myself occasionally tempted to whack off to porn. I'm not proud of it.

[GuiltyPornUser]

Dittany, I am a feminist

[AyeRobot]

You've been given links.

Troll Trot off.

[GuiltyPornUser]

Thanks to those for the links.

I still assert I'm a feminist. It turns out Dittany, you're wrong. I'm arguing back, not because I'm trolling, but because you've been aggressive. It's not exploitative of women of ask for help.

(Honestly, I don't know what some of the more aggressive posters hope to achieve. If this were alcoholics anonymous, and someone admitted to having a problem, hopefully they'd be helpful).

[GuiltyPornUser]

that should be "exploiting women to ask for help".

The point is that lots of fairly normal people like me use porn (not obsessively), aren't happy about it, and want some advice, not to be told how terrible they are.

[wubblybubbly]

How hard is it to say to yourself that it's exploitative and just stop watching?

There you go, job done.

[BooBooGlass]

I see you're living up to your reputation again Dittany. Tell me, what would your reaction have been had OP been female? I opened the thread assuming they would be. How is telling omeone to go away at all constructive?

[BooBooGlass]

No dittany, you're still being patronising so I'll ask again. What if OP was a woman?

[GuiltyPornUser]

Dittany, I'm not going to argue with you, I've been seriously reading work such as those by Andrea Dworkin, so it's not just a passive thing. I'm actively trying to convince myself. I'm not passive aggressive, you started the argumentative tone here. Let's leave it at that.

Wubbly The answer to your question is "quite". I think I know porn is exploitative, but I don't think it's that simple to just stop. There are millions of decent men like me, who treat women well, think porn is a bit mucky, but in a hotel room on their own, just click on the internet and have a wank.