Resisteing feminity 2

[garlicbutter]

sethstarkaddersmackerel Wed 16-Mar-11 13:39:12

I was thought-provoked by the 'I'm a feminist but....' thread, particularly Dittany's posts, in which she talked about women who choose not to 'perform femininity'.

I posted on the other thread that I hugely object to all that bikini-line business but do still shave my legs. Am not sure why I do this, so I think I'm going to stop and see how it feels. It felt like a major issue when I was 20 or so but I actually suspect not shaving them now would make me feel more, rather than less, confident.

So I wondered if anyone else was thinking about giving up any beauty practices or other elements of compulsory femininity and would like to do it together and see how it feels.

this is not a competition - if you decide after a day you hate it and can't live without it, fine, but it would be really interesting to hear about, and I think it could advance our understanding of how this all works.

anyone else in?

btw, I am in a vile mood today so if anyone wants to come along to the thread and tell us we are just falling into the trap of thinking all feminists have to have hairy legs, or that actually they wax everything and are a still better feminist than meeeee, I will tell them to fuck off because if you don't 'get' this I can't be bothered explaining, either you get it or you don't smile

[garlicbutter]

I killed the original.

[garlicbutter]

Just seen my title typo! Sorry, Seth.

[HaggisNeepsnTatties]

What's wrong with being feminine? Hairy legs are gross (IMHO).....each to their own though...we're all different and that should always be embraced.

[HaggisNeepsnTatties]

Which is what makes us different....

[alexpolismum]

Nothing is wrong with being feminine, Haggis. Having hair on my legs doesn't make me any less feminine. It means that I do not subscribe to a particular construct of 'femininity', that I personally find ridiculous.

(Not removing my body hair also means I have more time on my hands, not to mention the financial saving...)

And if you find hairy legs gross, I assume that if you have a male partner you require him to shave his limbs?

[HaggisNeepsnTatties]

No, I like my man to have hairy legs. I shave my legs because I like too. Simples.

[garlicbutter]

What Alex said! I am feminine, Haggis (at least, I was last time I looked). Just not what you mean by feminine.

[HaggisNeepsnTatties]

I am feminine too....just not what you mean by being feminine. It's not really a competition......

[garlicbutter]

The point, as I see it, is whether you feel having smooth legs makes you more feminine. If so, some of us wonder why that is - and do some experiments, to find out what it's like to be feminine without doing all the stuff that cosmetics companies expect us to do to ourselves.

[Bunbaker]

I don't get this at all. What is wrong in wanting to feel attractive? Men do it as well. OH shaves because he looks scruffy when he doesn't.

I don't find hairy legs on women attractive and this has nothing to do with being anti feminist. Neither do I find bearded men attractive. It is just a personal thing. The image you present of yourself says far more about you than you think and going around with hairy legs and armpits, wearing baggy shapeless clothes and generally looking scruffy simply projects a negative image and, more importantly, gives feminism a bad name.

You don't have to look a mess to be taken seriously.

[sethstarkaddersmackerel]

Hi Bunbaker.
If you're genuinely interested, you could try looking at The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. The Whole Woman by Germaine Greer is good too.

[sethstarkaddersmackerel]

original resisting compulsory femininity thread for confused lurkers

[sethstarkaddersmackerel]

hi all, thanks for starting new thread, Garlicbutter!
I can't believe it is still going so strongly, it's amazing.
sorry I haven't been around this w/e, laptop has a virus and has had to be sent to laptop hospital.

my report on how it's going: legs are still unshaven, no desire to change that. (DH is a bit so I have helpfully suggested he might want to join in by shaving something men don't usually shave, or having a go with my makeup, but he's not keen.)
I am starting to look balefully at the high-heeled shoes in my wardrobe from work days; high heeled shoes just feel so silly to me these days I might just chuck them. (Or perhaps burn them, just to give the people who think we are loony bra burners something to talk about.)

I still like my Good Bras and keep buying dresses. Dresses are fun, plus I think 40s tea dresses look best with hairy legs, kind of properly authentic. All those women doing burlesque in Victorian corsets should take this on board.

anyway the main thing is.... I dunno, just feeling less guilty about not doing all the stuff I don't do and have never done. Eg when I get dressed to go into town, in my lovely dresses, I don't think 'oh dear, what a pity I am letting myself down by not also having lovely shoes!' I'm finding it easier to focus on what does look good about me.
So I'm not exactly thinking less about my appearance, but I'm feeling better about it. Which is not what I expected.

I am totally inspired by all the people who have posted on this thread saying 'well I never do x y and z anyway.' All these people who don't wear make-up! wow!

[AliceWorld]

Shall I speed things up a bit by mentioning we also carry out the perverse activity of touching men's legs?

[tortilla]

bunbaker - I'm currently wearing a skin-tight tshirt with sequins on and a fair bit of cleavage showing, nice form-fitting jeans, D&G glasses with diamantes on the side, nicely brushed long hair, a touch of mascara. Oh, and hairy legs and armpits. Why assume that if we have hairier bodies than you then we must therefore dress in hessian sacks and look like we've been pulled through a hedge backwards? Perhaps you might want to examine your reasons for assuming one goes with the other and what that says about the assumptions society has about how women should be: that's sort of what we have been doing for a good 1000+ posts now.

[sethstarkaddersmackerel]

oh Alice, no, we might get feminism a bad name!

[Bunbaker]

My post was in response to another one earlier.

[sethstarkaddersmackerel]

tortilla - what you said about finding it easier to love random bits of your body - me too. I'm starting to actually quite like my tummy, which is definitely not flat. Because I am 39 and have 3 children ffs, so why should my tummy be flat, I mean it's physically possible but only by either being underweight or doing deliberate exercises.

[psychoveggie]

Lurker alert... haven't read whole of last thread. How can you define resisting femininity? I rarely wear heels, full make-up, "do" my hair etc. but usually have shaved legs and armpits. I 100% think I would prefer a society in which the norm was for natural hairiness but I feel more comfortable and confident shaven.

So what items on the beautifying agenda can we forego to resist femininity and which are ok to do while resisting femininity? I think it's so personal and we are so entirely culturally conditioned that we cannot possibly see this objectively.

I think it would be amazing if we could find a way to make the next generation of females (and males) comfortable in their own skin without feeling pressurised to fulfil a societal expectation of beauty. However I'm not sure this will be achieved by reinforcing the idea of feminists being an "other" type of woman who doesn't shave her legs.

That's not to say you guys should start shaving your legs, just that, well, what else can we do that might be more effective in furthering the feminist cause?