Spiders and other creepie crawlies

[BlingLoving]

There was a huge spider in the bath this morning. I am entirely capable of removing a spider, but, I hate it. So I woke DH up and asked him to do it. He of course did so without complaining.

But now I'm wondering, am I being a bit of a hypocrite? All hardcore feminist when it comes to my rights and place in the world but descending into wussie femaleness at the first sight of an eight-legged creature?

Admittedly, DH has things he irrationally hates and I take care of. Like flowers. He can't handle flowers, especially when they're dead so I have to dispose of any and all flowers in our house at all times because they freak him out. Does this make us even - partners who have strengths and weaknesses?

this is partly a serious and partly a light hearted thread. I am genuinely interested in opinions though.

[SolidGoldBrass]

No, because phobias are not gender-specific (lots of men are phobic about bugs or at least not keen). The fact that your H has, and admits to, his dead flower phobia means it's all part of an equal partnership that you deal with the flowers and he deals with the scuttly stuff.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Nah, I don't think it is a feminist issue. I am terrified of spiders and will not pick them up or remove them (nearest I get is hurling a shoe at them from a great distance and then scarpering) - so I get DP to do it, or DD, who miraculously has not picked up on my fear and is fine with spiders.

It all balances out - I fill the car up with oil and change the wiper blades etc because DP is crap with mechanical things.

[AMumInScotland]

I'm with SGB - if you equally cover for each other's phobias/dislikes then its not sexist.

If you consistently acted like a wuss about all sorts of things, believing its your right as a woman, and always expected him to deal with things you couldn't possibly be asked to cope with, or if he treated you that way just because of your genders, then that would be sexist.

FWIW I am chief spider-killer in our house, as I am a dab hand with a flip-flop and DHs mobility is not good so he can't chase them as easily. Swings and roundabouts.

[BlingLoving]

Agree completely in terms of actual phobias. eg I absolutely loathe moths or those daddy long legs things that fly. They freak me out and can leave me a gibbering wreck if they come anywhere near me.

But spiders? I don't like them. But if DH wasn't there, I could remove it. I wouldn't like it, but I could do it. That's the bit that makes me feel hypocritical.

If DH wasn't there and there was a moth in the room, the most I could do is sit in the dark with a light on somewhere else in the house in a desperate attempt to get the moth to leave me alone.

[AMumInScotland]

Would you do the same for DH? ie sort out something he dislikes but is not phobic about? If you would (or do) then I think it all balances up. Its only when things are all one way (or maybe 80%/20%) that it becomes a sexist thing.

[ISNT]

Ah well. i suspect that Dh dislikes spiders as much as me (neither of us are phobic but neither are blasé), but I do ask him to do the spiders and he grits his teeth and does it.

[SolidGoldBrass]

It's not dissimilar to the housework thing - nothing unfeminist in having your DP do the mechanical things if he's better at them as long as the chores are divided in terms of time so you both get the same amount of free time (and it's not a matter of one person getting all the 'easy' jobs). It's a bit pointless for the one who's crap at a particular task to do it just so as not to be 'sexist'...

[ISNT]

Aha

DH is never the one who has dealt with the situation when DD has crapped in the bath!

So alls fair and even

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

I think it's fair - I would ask my mum or a female friend to deal with it just as soon as my dad or DP. My mum is scared of birds (!) so when a little fledgling gets lost and flutters into the house when I'm there, it's me who puts it outside, because I really don't mind.

It's not because Spiders are For Men.

Mind you we did joke that sole male housemate in house of girls was asked to move in exclusively for spider duty.

[BlingLoving]

Okay, that's true. Thank you. I feel better. Yes, there is no doubt that I would do things for him that he is less keen on. And SGB, you're right - it's not like he removes the spiders while I'm sitting around painting my nails or that he sits on the couch scratching his butt while I do all other domestic chores. In fact, as I work much longer hours, DH does somewhat more of the domestic chores.

[SolidGoldBrass]

I do know of one couple (who shall remain nameless just in case someone who knows them is on here) where the H apparently said to his DW before moving in together 'If we're going to have a future, I'm doing the cooking.' (because she can, apparently, burn water...)

[Takver]

Yep, agree spiders not at all gender specific - I'd remove them for DH (again not phobic but dislikes them).

[Patienceobtainsallthings]

I love spiders and it always fascinates me that folk have to squash them ,just lift and relocate Mice tend to get the chop but such is life ,not seen a rat for a while might need to ask for help on that one but have a big cage trap thing just incase LOL!

[nooka]

I'm not so sure about this one. On an individual basis clearly it's not a problem as you support each other with your phobias. However I do wonder if the fear of things that really really shouldn't worry people is more tolerated, perhaps even encouraged in girls. In particular spiders which women are almost supposed to be frightened by.

dd and her friends very easily get into a tizzy about wasps for example, which I don't see amongst ds and his friends, and I remember this difference as a child too. Granted dh is way more bothered than I am. I was brought up by a very robust and intolerant mother, and fear wasn't really allowed, especially of silly things. She was more solution based, so I carry this throguh by teaching the children how to trap wasps and liberate spiders. It's quite effective at least as a distraction.

[NickOfTime]

yurk, bling. there was an enormous one crawling on me today at work. i went loopy

the (male) cleaner swept it up after i had flung it across the room.

in this matter i have no option but to surrender to the stereotype. although i hide it well when there's a small child in the vicinity and whack them with a hefty book

then remove the carcass with kitchen towel without looking at it.

that said, i was definitely taught to be afraid of spiders by my mother, who was utterly unable to feign lack of terror.

i like it when mil comes to stay, as she whacks everything with her shoe (dc's excepted) with great pleasure. it's not 'live and let live' but i think equal contempt for all of god's living creatures might be a healthier option that running screaming from the house if it's got more than 2 legs.

[sparky159]

[not wanting to turn this into a trans thread or trans argument]

ive always disliked spiders.
but ive noticed a really odd thing.
before "becoming me"-if i saw one i used to scream.[so did all the women around me]
and we d all used to be falling over each other not to be going near it.

since "becoming me"-i still dislike spiders.
im still the same person as before[just happier]but-now-
when theres a spider about-the same women scream and yell out-"quick sparky-go after it"and shove me towards it!
[this didnt happen before].